How to get out of a wedding you already rsvp'd?

Question

I do not support the marriage at all and have just recently found out that the soon to be husband has several lies about his role in the military and he is still married in another state. How do I tell the person that I will not be able to make it to the wedding?

Answer 1

Maybe you should send them a formal letter with a sincere apology. Basically, bullshit it and make it sound as nice and regretful as possible. Tell them an emergency has come up with one of your relatives. You don't need to give them details. It's not their business, anyway. Besides, they should have the decency to understand and not be so interrogative. But yea, a nice (and fake haha) letter should do the trick.

Answer 2

Well, depending on how close you are the bride, you may want to tell her exactly why you don't support the marriage. If it's someone you're close to (a friend you've known for several years, a cousin or something other family member, etc) you may want to tell her what she's getting herself into. I've always been very honest with my close friends when it comes to sticky situations like this with their chosen mates. Of course, if you do tell her and she already knows or else doesn't care or want to listen, I would probably still go to the wedding to support HER, even if I don't support the marriage. I would let her know how I feel beforehand and then, if she disregards it, I would smile and not say anything and let her enjoy her day regardless of my feelings about it. Some people need to make their own mistakes and there's nothing you can do about it.

Of course, if it's someone you're not really close to (a former co-worker, or a distant relative, etc) I would not get involved at all, because it would not be my place. I would just tell her I had something come up and I'm sorry but I won't be able to attend, and wish her all the luck. If she asks for more information just say it's something personal. She's an adult and she's made her decision, and unless you're close it's not really your place to say anything.

Answer 3

RSVP again, "sorry, can't make it". She's not going to ask any more than she would have the first time. Just say "something came up" if she presses.

Aside from that, you probably ought to make sure she knows about this bigamy.

Answer 4

Okay, this might sound really dumb, or it might not, but does the bride know about all of that? If not, you might want to tell her and then tell her that you don't support it, and not go. She would understand.

P.S. if you're set on lying, tell them you got sick.  

Answer 5

Well if the bride doesn't know and you do then I would tell her rather than sit back and knowingly watch her ruin her life. You do realise that once you rsvp to a wedding, the bride and groom go and confirm their numbers and pay per head? That means your seat and your meal are paid for. Now you can either do the right thing and tell this woman or you can bite your tongue and go and have a free feed. But if you aren't going to tell her...don't be rude because she will find out eventually and if she finds out that you knew all along...you could be in a lot of trouble.

Answer 6

Yea..

Just don't go.

The RSVP is just to make sure they have enough food, treats, or chairs, It's to make sure they can support the amount of people they expect to come.

Answer 7

Pull a sickie, or say that you hurt yourself, or say that you have another family commitment. The last one usually works; it's vague enough to prevent them guessing the real reason, but it also makes them not want to ask more into it.

Answer 8

Be really nice and polite about it. Make up an excuse and say that you have to go somewhere for wokr or something and keeping your job is important to you

Answer 9

How can there even be a wedding, if the dude is already married?

Doesn't the bride-to-be know about this?

Don't go to the wedding, if it still takes place...it's not a legal ceremony.  Don't get involved!  

Why hasn't anyone told the bride-to-be?  

Answer 10

I understand your concern and alarm. However, unless you have proof-positive in your hand, you many not *really* have the truth. Best bet is to keep this information to yourself. If it's true, it will come out soon enough because clearly others do know about it.

To get out of attending the wedding, write a small note saying the following:

Dear Bride,

I am so sorry to have to let you know that I cannot make it to your wedding after all. I hope it all goes well and I wish you every happiness!

Love, [You]

Don't make up a lie - just say you can't go. And informing them that you will not be able to attend is the right thing to do, not just being a no-show.

Hope this helps!

Answer 11

I would be honest and call the couple and tell them your very sorry, but you have thought alot about it and just cant bring yourself to attend a wedding you cant support.  they will either leave it at that or the bride might ask why and if so then tell her why you feel you cant make it.  

Answer 12

Call the bride and send your regrets. No biggie. If she questions you about it, just tell her it is for personal reasons you'd rather not talk about. If she presses on, then maybe you can tell her the truth. Or not, I mean obviously, do whatever you are comfortable with. But someone has to tell her...

Answer 13

Just tell them that something has come up and you will not be able to make it.  No need to get specific.

Though I would seriously consider telling the bride about the groom being still married in another state if you have proof.   If they get married that would make him a bigamist and their marriage would be void in any event.

Answer 14

Fake your own death, failing that just come up with some really dramatic lie, the bigger the better because they would never believe that of you if your always so honest !!

Answer 15

dont not make the wedding, tell the person about the stuff u know about him to her, she needs to know if she dosnt already, to get out of it tho, become really ''sick'' a couple days before the wedding, and say u have been going to the doctors. One time i had a wedding in greece and i became very sick a couple of days before and no one was mad or said anything, they totally understood:)

Answer 16

Phone in person and apologize stating that you are now unable to attend.  If this is a friend - tell her why.

Answer 17

oh my god, drama! just tell the bride why, coz she deserves to kno! failing that tell her you have a job interview or summit crucial like that, or fake an emergency in ur family or tell other ppl who are goin to the wedding what you kno, eventually the bride will find out and the wedding will be called off, or atleast other ppl will try cover for you wen u dont turn up , and maybe others wont turn up and u wont look so bad.

Answer 18

if they are getting married by a pastor/priest then go to the pastor with the information that the groom is still married in another state.  Take proof if you can.  If you tell the pastor this information in confidence then he cannot tell the couple where he heard it from.  If the pastor doesn't halt the wedding then call the bride or her parents the day before or the day of the wedding and tell them you can't make it and your just sick about it.  Make yourself sound stuffy/sick when you tell them this to sound more believable.  

If the wedding is taking place more than 2 weeks from now just drop the bride a note saying that due to unforeseen circumstances you will have to change your acceptance to regrets and that you're sorry for any trouble this may cause.

Answer 19

You can either tell the person the truth or you can cancel the day of the wedding and say that you are ill.  You can always say you feel like you got a stomach bug or something if you decide to cancel the day of the wedding.  If you choose to tell the person the truth then make sure that you tell them exactly how you feel about all of the issues that you have mentioned in your question.

Answer 20

just say i really wanted to come but something came up with work/i feel sick/something i have to do

and i wont be able to make it;

and give them a gift card to like macys or something:P

Answer 21

Call the bride as soon as possible and let her know you can't make it. Hopefully she hasn't given the final count to the caterer yet, so it shouldn't be a problem. Don't just not show up - it's incredibly rude, as they'll have paid for a plate that won't be used.

If you're not close, simply tell her that something came up and you can't make it. However, if she's a close friend, this is something you need to sit down and talk to her about (assuming the information you have is proven and from a reliable source, NOT rumors). She may not know, and she needs to.

Answer 22

Definitely call and tell them you are not coming. And if you talk to the bride and she asks why, maybe you should tell her. That is, if you have your facts straight. Think of it as your life, if you were going to marry someone that was horrible for you, wouldn't you appreciate it if someone gave you the heads up?

Answer 23

Just because you've rsvp'd, doesn't mean you have to go,  ppl bail after they've rsvp'd all the time.  

Answer 24

If you tell her what you found out she will cancel the wedding so you will not have to come up with an excuse

Answer 25

umm your car broke down on a highway so you were walking for a really long time trying to find a phone because the day before you dropped your cell in the potty so as your walking to tryu and find a phone you come across a really crappy lil diner place so you get pancakes and sausage b4 u use the phone because your really hungry from walking and then you get a really horrible stomach flu before you have time to call anyone to tell them that your car is broke down but suzanne the waitress lady is like omg we better call an ambulance so the ambulance comes and they take you to the hospital and your there for like 2 days and u ddnt have your insurance card with you at the time so now your in hospital debt all because you dropped your cell in the potty and now since ur in debt...you had to sell the wedding pressant and you cant go with out a gift! lol idk i was bored maybe i helped??

Answer 26

Just be polite but honest with her. Explain that you don't feel comfortable attending the ceremony and your reasons for it, but do it gently. Or just tell her that you have a family commitment you must attend. Good luck.

Answer 27

Well if the person that this military guy is getting married to is related to you or a close friend... let her know the truth... Don't keep it from her. If not then just dont show up... Let them know you had car problems or something LOL...  

Answer 28

you found out he is still married...so legally he can not get remarried it would be bigotry. You could get the documents that he is still married or some sort of proof, you send it to her in the mail registered to her and marked confidential. she will find out on her own. you can then also send the wedding invitation to the other wife so she knows and you can send those documents with the wedding in invitation to the police and he could be charged.

You can also send the new to be wife information on his lies about the military.

When you send them you do not need to put your name on anything, she will find out on her own. stay out of it form their and when she comes to you because she found out, console her and be her friend, be supportive.  

Answer 29

I would simply call and explain that I wouldn't be able to make it after all, the I would explain exactly why. First of all, it's illegal to be married to more than one person at a time and your friend could get in serious trouble. Second, anyone that pathetic is only going to repeat their behavior, meaning that he'll do it again and drag your friend down with him.

Answer 30

uhm.  yeah. you shouldnt waste time and tell this person whos getting married. just tell her that you dont support marriages that are illegal seeing as the groom is already married. thats all there is to it, no second thought.

Answer 31

Use some excuse like a sickness or work or something or just go and stop the wedding.