How to get respect back from girlfriend?

Question

My girlfriend is slightly insecure with me because she has been hurt in the past (cheated on). She knows that I'm a genuinely nice guy and wouldn't do that to her, however subconsciously ever since we have declared we love each other we have had a emotional and stressful relationship. I have faith in the relationship so I don't feel the need to be constantly in contact or complimenting her which I think she may strive for. Truth is I'm very sensitive and sometimes panic when I think something is wrong,I end up apologizing because I do realize that my actions can be perceived differently to how I mean them. I've catered to her insecurities with re-assurance but in doing so I've lost her respect because our last argument was a massive overreaction to a mistake of mine to which she questioned my apology and my notion of how much I really care.Are overreactions to small mistakes a cry out for something bigger? Because of this whats the next best step?? Talking about it you can't realistically ask for respect and expect it to be sustained? What are better actions to use rather than words to gain respect?

Answer 1

I think like a child, the more attention yougive adults, ro spoil them, the harder they cry. What I'm saying is due to what your gf has been through, you might have to ALWAYS be the one reasuring he ror complimenting her, but how far will that go? You might have to sit down with her & just tell her youwould never do anything to hurt her, tell her how it makes you feel everytime she assumes you're doing something wrong. If she doesn't know - she won't stop, trust me. I don't think you need to be bending backwarsd for this girl though - a relationship is a 2 way thing - both people need to benefit from being in it, not just her.

Be as supportive as you have been & stop being so apologetic - sound slike she's already taking it for granted.

Good luck!

Answer 2

I really think itsdifficult for people who share your rational way of thinking/living to find that same kind of attitude in a lover/mate.  Most people just dont get it.  I dont have any suggestions,  I was just impressed with how you were able to express your feelings.  And by what you wrote, I can relate to your dilemma regarding your apologizing back firing.   It sucks that she can't see things the way you do,  even if you tried to explain it to her.    

Answer 3

Seems to me that you’re both a little insecure with each other. Reassurances don’t resolve insecurity; they only cover it over for sometime. The root causes continue to grow within, erupting in arguments/overreactions every now and then. ‘Love’ becomes a meaningless word if one partner cannot overcome suspicion about commitment, and the other continues to be overly sensitive and panicky.

Making the relationship work harmoniously is your joint responsibility.   You both need to confront the issues that make it emotional and stressful instead, and resolve them between you. It would need introspection to understand and accept personal faults/weaknesses, and the will to change the negative behaviour and mindset. In any relationship, respect, appreciation, faith, trust, etc., has to be earned.