How to get three year old preschool to stop hitting each other.?

Question

i am a new teacher. i have read the hand books, took the classes, but i still cannot get these kids to stop hitting each other. when i do lesson plans, i try to have many activities to keep them occupied, but it doesnt seem to work. and i get the children who are instegaters to have private activities, or have them lead activities, but that does not work either.when i see that they are in a hitting situation, or if things are getting close to hitting, i try to redirect them to another activity. that does not work all the time. i cannot be too stern with them as our center just got out of an investigation. what should i do??ive sent letters home, talk to my trainer, director and many parents. the other teachers in the class kinda leave me on my own about this and i am so stressed.

Answer 1

I am guessing the children who are hitting are young threes.  Because this is very normal at this age.  You are lucky it is hitting and not biteing that goes into the early 3s.  

The thing is you can be stern without being mean.  I assure you your center was not investigated for being "too stern" they were investigate for being  physicaly stern.(forcing children to sit, grabbing arms) or yelling and belittleing children.  Being stern means using a firm tone of voice and expecting children to behave.  And that is the key to being a successful teacher.  A good teacher can balance being supportive with having firm expecations.

Children hit when they are frustrated.  Find out what is frustrateing them.  Maybe they like a particular toy and there is only one.  In that case get rid of that toy or get a secound toy.   Any time there are not enough choices that will cause frustration.  Not enough blocks is a big one.  It is usually best to have two types and seperate roudy boys.  Like having the block station and also having Legos at the manipulitive table or even having big cardboard blocks in the house areas some days.  But make sure to switch the boys half way through so they both get to try both areas.   If their free choice time is too short or too long it will cause frustration.  So try different amounts of time.

The main thing is to break the cycle.  If I had two kids in a cycle I would take them outside as much as possible.  The physical activity seems to let them take the physical agression out other ways.  But since it is winter you should try more physical activities inside.  Start with small parachutes that all the kids participate in.  Or ball games where the children stand in a circle.  Exercise tapes work well but make sure to put the roudies apart from each other.  It is not just having activities it is having the right activities to keep them busy.  Dancing is ok as long as it is DIRECTED  The "We all live together" tapes have some good directed dancing.  I like "listen and move" and "popcorn"(but make sure to assign a spot for popcorn and seperate the kids well)  because they are more active and the kids love it but there are many out there.  Do not do random dancing or ribbon dancing untill the class settles down.  Musical instraments such a rythem sticks are great.  Rythem sticks are better than misc. instraments when you have roudies because they do not fight over a single instrament.  But after you do any active activity always do a calm down.  I like "lets pretend"  You can start with active things like lets pretend to be a bear, and move to relaxing things like, lets pretend to be a cloud or flower or kite.  Going on a bear hunt is also a good calm down if done properly.

Without more information it is hard to give great advice.  But feel free to email me with a little more information I can probably help.

Answer 2

I don't know for sure about the stopping the hitting for sure.  Given the different policies on punishment time out would probably be your best bet.  One thing that I would not do is let them lead activities or have their own private things to do in response to the behavior.  By doing this you are rewarding them in their minds.  Have you tried sitting them in a corner by themselves?

Answer 3

Is it the same two kids hitting each other, or are they hitting other children in the class?

If they are hitting each other, talk about a different way they could play together. If they are fighting, try to help them resolve their differences (give them the words to express their problems... "I'm mad because you...", etc.). If they are play fighting, come up with a new way they can play. My kids have gotten into "squirting mustard" on each other. It's still fighting, in a way, but it's so silly that they can't take it seriously. Also, keep them separated as much as possible. If you have the staff for it, have someone with them at all times to step in if problems arise. Try to forge other relationships apart from each other. Sometimes splitting up the problem pair is all it takes to resolve the situation.

If they are hitting others, tell them (yes, sternly) that hitting their classmates is absolutely not acceptable. Have them explain why they hit, and have the victim explain how it makes them feel. Have the hitter help care for the victim by making a picture, holding an ice pack, or giving a hug. If the child is just too full of energy, give them something appropriate to punch. Explain why it's okay. "You may punch a pillow because pillows are soft and they don't get hurt when someone hits them". Let the child know that if they simply MUST punch something, that the pillow is their choice. Let them know that if they choose to hit a classmate, they will have to sit out until they can control their bodies.

Keep it up, and be consistent. Any break in the rules will give the kids a mixed message and could set the whole process back. Try not to be too hard on yourself or on them. Just be consistent and remind them as often as you have to what their choices are.  Good luck!

Answer 4

I try to spend as much time as possible focusing on the positive.  I "catch" the kids having "gentle hands" or "keeping hands to self" as much as possible.  This might mean once every minute or two praising a child for keeping his/her hands quiet in the beginning, although as the behavior decreases the time interval should get longer.  The reward for quiet hands should depend on what motivates the child.  Ex. if they are very into stickers, you might provide a sticker with the praise.  It's very time consuming especially at the beginning when you are doing it VERY often, trying desperately to catch them being good, but it helps the kids see that they get more attention for being good than for hitting.

Another thing I've done is focus a lot of attention on the child who was hit once the hitting has occurred.  Pay little attention to the instigator while asking the hit child if s/he is ok.  Give the child who was hit lots of hugs and comfort.  You might have the hitter get a special ice pack that they must give to the child they hit.

Over time most (but unfortunately not all) children realize they will get attention for being good, but if they hit, someone else will get the attention.  The hitting behavior usually decreases as they realize you are proud of them for keeping their hands to themselves.

Answer 5

I understand your situation, it is exhausting. what I do, I usually separate the children who are bully in the class but i keep them close to me as much as possible so I can monitor them directly. Redirecting them to other activities can also do the trick . You must be firm in talking to them when they are hitting one another and tell them that they will be punish if they hit each other again.

Answer 6

Well distraction does generally work - find something they see as more valuable than the hitting game they've found. I certainly wouldn't isolate (ie - give special attention to) the instigators, it'll just reinforce their newfound self-identity as "troublemakers" - but what reason are the children giving for hitting each other?

(btw - I understand how stressed you must be and I really sympathise.)

Answer 7

ouch they hit each other

Answer 8

See PSEPC's website: http://www.psepc.gc.ca/res/cp/bully_4211...

"Every child has the right to feel safe at home, at school and in the community (UN Convention on the Rights of the Child, 1990). Bullying is not a normal part of growing up. It doesn’t usually go away on its own and often gets worse with time.

Bullying needs to be dealt with directly. To stop hurtful behaviour, we all need to respond when it occurs and take steps to prevent it. The first step is recognizing when there is a problem.

Here is some information to help you figure out whether a child you know has experienced, seen, heard or taken part in bullying behaviour. This information will also help you take steps to stop the bullying and help the child who is being bullied.

What is bullying?

Bullying is a form of aggression that unfolds within a relationship. The child who bullies uses aggression and control to maintain a position of power over the victimized child. As bullying evolves over time, the power dynamics and inequality in the relationship become stronger. The victimized child gets caught in an abusive relationship. This problem can also happen between groups of children.

The basic elements of bullying are:

    * Unequal power: One child has more power than the other child (or at least it seems that way to the children involved)

    * Hurtful actions: Physically or psychologically harmful behaviour takes place (see table page 2)

    * Direct and indirect actions: The behaviour may be face-to-face or behind one’s back

    * Repetitive behaviour: The hurtful actions keep happening so the child being hurt finds it more and more difficult to escape

Teasing, rough housing or even play fighting are not considered bullying when both children are having fun.

How many children are involved in bullying others?

Not everyone bullies or is bullied -- a relatively small number of children are directly involved in bullying incidents.

Kindergarten to Grade 8

    * 15% of students reported bullying others at least twice over the school term 1.

    * 2% of students reported bullying others once a week or more 2.

Boys

    * 14% of boys aged 4 to 11 reported bullying others 3.

Girls

    * 9% of girls aged 4 to 11 reported bullying others 4.

How many children are bullied?

Kindergarten to Grade 8

    * 20% of children reported being bullied more than once or twice over a school term 5.

    * 8% of children were bullied at least once a week 6.

    * Children were bullied once every 7 minutes on the playground and once every 25 minutes in the classroom 7.

Boys

    * 5% of boys aged 4 to 11 reported being bullied sometimes or very often 8.

Girls

    * 7% of girls in the same age group reported being bullied sometimes or very often 9.

Minority groups

    * 27% of elementary school students from minority groups reported being bullied because of their ethnicity 10.

What are some of the types of bullying? 11

Physical

Psychological

Verbal

Social

    * Hitting

    * Kicking

    * Punching

    * Pushing/shoving

    * Stealing

    * Insults

    * Name-calling

    * Threats

    * Comments about how someone looks or talks

    * Comments about someone’s ethnicity (culture, colour or religion)*

    * Gossiping

    * Rumours

    * Ignoring

    * Not including someone in group activities

Results

Can hurt a child’s body, damage belongings (clothes, toys, etc) or make a child feel badly about himself or herself.Can make a child feel badly about himself or herself.Can make a child feel alone and not part of the group.

* Ethnoculturally-based bullying—any physical or verbal behaviour used to hurt another person because of his or her ethnicity (culture, colour or religion)

How many children witness bullying?

Not all children are directly involved in bullying incidents, but many get involved in other ways -- some watch, some encourage the bullying and some try to stop it.

    * 85% of bullying incidents are witnessed by others 12.

    * Peers try to stop the bullying in 11 to 19% of bullying incidents 13. Someone stepping in can help even out the power imbalances.

When other children intervene -- more than half the time, the bullying will stop within 10 seconds! -- Hawkins, Pepler & Craig, 2001

TOGETHER WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN BULLYING *

Adults helping children: Practical advice

The child who comes to you for help may need some reassurance along with practical advice on what to do. You could try some of the following, using your judgement about the particular circumstances.

If the child is being bullied, you can suggest:

    * “Stay calm and try not to show you are upset. Try to respond to the person bullying you without anger. Anger can make things worse.”

    * “Look the other person in the eye and say you don’t like what they are doing.”

    * “As soon as you can, find an adult you trust and tell the adult what happened. It is your right to be safe.”

    * “If you are afraid to tell an adult on your own, ask a friend to go with you.”

    * “Stay close to children you can count on to stick up for you.”

    * “Stay away from places where you know bullying happens.”

    * “If the bullying continues, walk away, join other children or ask someone else for help.”

If the child sees someone being bullied, you can suggest:

    * “Speak out and help the person being hurt. Nobody deserves to be bullied. You can help by telling the person who is bullying to stop.”

    * “If it is hard for you to speak out against bullying on your own, ask a friend to do it with you.”

    * “Comfort the person who was hurt and make it known that what happened was not fair or deserved.”

    * “If this does not work right away or if you are afraid to say or do something on your own, find an adult you trust to help you.”

    * “Help a child who is bullied by being a friend. Invite that child to participate in your school activities. This will reduce the feeling of being alone.”

Some assurances you can give to the child:

    * “Despite how it may seem, it is not a hopeless situation. Something can be done to stop the hurtful behaviour. I will help you.”

    * “Remember: if you walk away and get help, you are part of the solution. If you stay and watch, you are part of the problem.”

    * “You can help to make your school, sports team or community a better place by taking action against bullying.”

Your role: How adults can help

Bullying is not a problem that children can solve themselves. It is a power struggle that is difficult to change without the help of an adult. In most cases, it will require only a few minutes to stop the behaviour, especially if you act immediately and in a consistent manner.

If you are there when the bullying occurs, talk with the children who are being aggressive. Explain the hurt they are causing and have them make amends to those who were harmed. This can break the cycle.

However, most bullying happens when you are not looking. When you are told about it, take it very seriously since children usually go to adults with these problems as a last resort.

In a small number of cases, bullying behaviour is a chronic problem requiring the involvement of families and the assistance of a health professional.

If you are a parent, guardian or caregiver

    * Listen and respond to all complaints from your children about bullying, even the seemingly trivial ones such as name-calling.

    * Talk to other adults who were in charge when the bullying occurred to find ways to remedy the hurt and prevent future problems.

    * Stop bullying behaviour that happens at home. Consistency matters!

    * Consider how you treat others and how you allow others to treat you. As a role model, your actions and reactions can influence how children relate to each other.

If you are an adult responsible for children (e.g. a teacher or coach)

    * Listen and respond to all complaints from children and parents about bullying, even the seemingly trivial ones such as name-calling. Consistency matters!

    * Be aware of the social interactions among the children in the group. Arrange groupings to separate children who tend to have negative interactions with others.

    * Place children who tend to be left out of groups into one where they will be accepted. Try to avoid situations that will victimize at-risk children (e.g. picking teams or group partners).

    * Consider how you treat others and how you allow others to treat you. As a role model, your actions and reactions can influence how children relate to each other.

If you are a leader of an organization responsible for children (e.g. a school principal or manager of a sports team or other children’s program)

    * Listen and respond to all complaints from children, parents or adults responsible for children about bullying, even the seemingly trivial ones such as name-calling. Consistency matters!

    * Support the adults who work directly with children in their constructive approaches to end bullying such as separating disruptive children, increasing supervision in bullying hotspots and placing vulnerable children in positive groups.

    * Create an effective anti-bullying policy in your organization that clearly sets the limits on acceptable behaviour. Include meaningful consequences in the policy to help teach the aggressive children healthier ways of interacting.

    * Allow time for the policy to be reviewed and agreed upon by everyone (including children).

    * Ensure the policy is consistently and universally applied by all involved.

    * Consider how you treat others in the organization and how you allow others to treat you. As a role model, your actions and reactions can influence how children relate to each other. "

Answer 9

Well for one, separate them. And punish both kids. It doesn't matter who started it, but they both were hitting each other. Take away a precious toy or something. You have to go down to their eye level and tell them that they were being bad by hitting and that you were going to take so and so away from them until the end of the day. Trust me I've gone through the same thing. Taking away something they like will teach them to stop.

Answer 10

Hard question.  I had to children who did that and I just had to keep telling them no hitting and find out what they were fighting about and settle that.  Do they sometimes get upset because the other asks if they will share a toy maybe?  Make sure you tell them no hitting and find why they got upset that time and settle that.