How to get through to my 4 year old son?

Question

My son will not listen to me, he will not mind me, he talks back, he has a bad attitude, and he's always doing something that he's not suppose to do. I have done punishments, reward systems, timeout, the talk, taking things away, nothing seems to work. I am so frustrated and at my wicks end. It hurts so bad that I can't control my 4 year old. What should I do?

Answer 1

he never stops listening.  you just talk too much.  use the word NO less often, ignore negative behaviors, and listen to him.

Answer 2

You want him to "like you", don't you?

Are you a single Mom, I'm guessing?

He doesn't understand love or like in the way you do - and won't until he's an adult.

In the meantime, doing things "so he'll like you" is catering to YOUR needs at the expense of his needs.

Being deprived of solid boundaries in his world only makes him insecure, needy, unruly.

He's reaching-out to the one person who is supposed to put her needs AFTER his, and to do this by realizing that what he requires most is to feel secure in the world.

The only way for him to get that is to have CONSISTENT (consistent reasoning, and totally consistent enforcement) of simple boundaries - whether he appears to 'like you' at that moment or not.

The "break-in" period on this isn't easy (watch Nanny 911), and tenacity and consistency is the key. After that, when the kid starts to experience real motherly security for the first time, he'll "like you" in the way you want.

You just haven't been speaking his language, and have been putting your short-term emotions ahead of his chidhood needs.

Get professional help if necessary, and don't be embarrassed about it. You're doing great making an effort now - later is much worse...

Answer 3

I've watched a lot of super nanny shows. She worked miracles on some family's with the wors behaved kids i've ever seen. Basically what she does with young children, like your four year old son is time outs and they prove to be very very effective if done correctly. Here is what she does and it works everytime:

1. First state the rules of the house and clearly tell him that if these are broken he will first get a warning and if they are broken again he will sit in the time out chair.

2. Once your son breaks a rule give him a clear warning and the consequences if he doens't follow the rules. Example: Your son throws a toy. you would say, "Son, if you throw the toy one more time you will get a time out"

3. Once your son ignores the warning and throws the toy again you will say, " Son, you threw the toy again after being warned, you will now go to time out"

4. Take your son to the time out chair. Get down to his level and tell him why he is there, in this case for throwing a toy when asked not to. Then make him sit there for one minute for each year old he is. In this case four minutes.

5. After the time out is completed, get back down to his level and again tell him why he was put there and ask for an apology and a hug.

Now if your child refuses to sit in the time out chair:

   Go get your child and place him on the chair again, do not talk to him or anything, just keep placing him  back into the chair. On some shows it took many hours of constantly placing the child on the chair until they finally gave up and did their time. You can't give up or it will just tell your child that you will eventually give in and they can go back to their old habits.

If you need to, go to abc.com and watch some full length episodes of supernanny. This way you can use the techniques she teaches in the show. She is amazing. she can make the most unruliest, meanest kids obey their parents after teaching the parents some very effective techniques for discipline.

Basically, what ever punishment you do, always follow thru and don't give in. It will just ruin everything. If you stay consistent eventually your son will learn. Good luck!

Answer 4

Sounds like your son is craving attention badly and he is obviously feeling like hes not getting the time with you that he would like so another way around that is to act up all the time and therfore he gets the attention. Kids will do anything to get attention regardless if its good or bad because at the end of the day your paying attention to him.

Focus on how much time you actually spend with him in regards to activities, playing time, etc...

No child is bad its what we put into them and what they desire/crave for.

Another thing you could try is to track back on his diet and see when this started and work out if there has been something like a drink or food that he never used to have and now has from time to time as that could be another reason.

My son started drinking green cordial when he was around 31/2 - 4 and i was having the worst time with him and even my mum said she couldnt cope with him and it turned out to be that, and i was 1 that never believed in that being a valid reason for behavioural changes but it can and does !!!

All the best

Shelly