How to give what she wants...

Question

I have been going out with my girlfriend for 10 months... it has been a rollercoaster 1 but deep down we love each other... but I fear that it might end before our year anniversary. The problem I suspect is largely to do with me - We are both 21

My girlfriend is a typical one, wants attention... wants to feel loved... wants to know I'm in her thoughts, wants to be talked to everyday. Not too pushy, does not require constant gifts or needing money to support the relationship, likes to get that buzz now and then, likes a bit of romance...... I know, as you can see, problem - I don't really know how to do any of these or do them consistently... pathetic right?

She claims it is just the way I am... that I don't know what to do... that I can't give her what she wants despite me abling to list all that in front of her. I am able to give her a love-boast in person... but she says that the problem still lies, and that me being there only temporarily compromises for the missing feeling. The worst problems occur away from each other... She is tired of my incapability - not me as a person... it might be true, but the fact is that I love her and I just dont know how to show it.

There may have been a number of reasons why its like this, we experienced no honeymoon period at the start of the relationship.. that was before we started and I didnt realise it or asked her out. By the time we went out, the timing was all wrong and the feeling was confused for her especially... Also, we have frictional arguments over "me" and pretty much all the things I have mentioned above... I assure her I can change and that I know what she wants... I do know what it is, I sometimes do it.. and it lasts a few days before she is "the feeling" deprived again.

So... Help... what is wrong? is it just me? Maybe I was born to not be love-compatible? ... Sorry if it's a bit wordy

Answer 1

i will dump her. theres no way i would go out with your girl. she high maintenance and wants money!  

Answer 2

we all like to be spoken to every day and know that out aprtners are thinking about us but does she expect you to do this every waking second?

you say that you give her a love boost i assume in person, and yet she still says there is something missing, it sounds to me like she has some insecurities herself and is putting this onto you, sit and talk about it not just her saying its all about you, a relationship takes 2 people, its not all about you doing all the giving and her doing all the taking.

I Dont think your love imcompatible maybe you pair are not compatiable and maybe should think about finding others

Answer 3

When there's a real match between two people,What you give naturally, is what she naturally wants.If you have to think your way around the relationship,it's probably not a very good match of personalities. There is a girl out there where everything will come naturally to you.

Answer 4

Hmmm, it sounds like a rollercoaster all right. Despite the fact that you said you can list everything she needs, she said you can't give her what she wants. I'd say if you are positive you and her are on the same wavelength, and you KNOW what she wants and needs, that perhaps your execution is the problem. If that's the case, I think maybe you need to re-evaluate what you have BEEN doing all this time and try to find the root of the problem. Maybe you are misunderstanding what your girlfriend wants. Have you asked her to explain it to you?

You said your girlfriend said it was the way you are--if that's the case, maybe trying a different approach in the way you are doing things could solve it. I know that kind of suggests you change who you are, but you seem to be willing to try different things, so why not try it? She wants to be talked to all the time? Try to do so. And try do it in a different way--talk about different things, tell her you missed her, etc. I think trying alone shows that you are doing your best to work on your relationship, and for a girl, I think that makes a big difference.

I don't think you're not love-compatible. You seem to really care for this girl and that's the most important. I think you need to have a talk with her, and do more than just "say" things to assure her. If things have been a little mundane, try to "spice" things up. Try doing something romantic or something unlike yourself that you think she may like. Try to do different things, you are both "legal" now right? That opens yourself to go to try different scenes--depending on what she likes, try it out. Does she have friends she confides in? Maybe talking to them to figure out the problem will help. You said your relationship started off a little hesitantly, maybe it's causing her to be insecure. Try to be more sure of yourself and show her you are the guy that is right for her.  

Answer 5

Alright, so how I take it is.. you know what your gal wants, but you for some reason can't provide it.

Well, you could do little things here and there just to show her that you are thinking about her.

I suppose I could list a few things off then..:

1. leave her little notes that say cute things like "I love you" or "You are beautiful" in places where she can find them when you aren't around

2. if you both have texting then send her little messages like the above through out the day

3. randomly buy her gifts, not anything too expensive, possibly just something small and cute, or maybe even chocolate

4. give up some of your time to be with her, put off watching t.v., reading, and be with her

5. include her in things you do, like the guy stuff

6. kiss, touch, hug her randomly and in random spots, like kiss her forehead, run your fingers through her hair, or hug her from behind

It's the little things that count.