How to go about finding my biological grandfather. having some trouble?

Question

Ok so my mom was adopted by my GRANDFATHER. When she was 3. her “sperm donor” as we call him left my grandma when my mom was like 1. he raped my grandma and that’s how she got pregnant with my mom. Then he beat my grandma the whole time she was pregnant and that’s how my mom got her seizer disorder.

Well I found out that my uncle found him a few years ago. And he wanted to meet my mom. Well I also know I have another aunt and uncle and a cousin.

Well I want to be able to find him and tell him how sick he is. And how he shouldn’t hav a life. I mean I know he lives in Montana with his new wife. He lives in a place with no running water. No electricity. He basically lives in a shack. I want him to know how much he ruined my mothers life with her epilepsy. And that my mom and her kids r lucky to have such a WONDERFUL grandfather who loves us. And that my mom is lucky to have such a good dad that’s not him!

Any suggestions on how to go about this?

Answer 1

The only way he can face what he did, is to come find you. Not the other way around. Someone step up and loved ya'll despite his best efforts not to let that happen. Hold your head high and don't look back

Answer 2

You need to move on.  You are only hurting yourself by focusing any thoughts on this loser.

Answer 3

If you have a wonderful grandfather, I wonder...  Would he want you engaged in a mission of revenge and hurt?  Does your mother want you finding this man?  How would she feel if you went and confronted him?

I'm all for reunions, but you may want to rethink this.  You won't find peace through revenge and pain.  

Just think about it.  You might find more than you bargained for.  You have an aunt, an uncle, and a cousin.  What if you discover you like them?  Will be able to still seek your revenge?  Or will you refuse to get to know them so that you don't have to confront that question?  Will you deny yourself, and them, a chance to know more family?

Either this man hasn't changed, and he won't care about your mom's situation.  Or he has changed, and become a better person, and will care deeply about your mother.  So either you won't get your revenge or you will get your revenge on someone who has turned his life around.  

That's an awful choice to face.  

There are people here who have given search advice (and I'm one of them).  Maybe someone else will step forward and help.  But I can't.  I think you may want to consider this more carefully.  And if you don't, then I don't want to be the one to help you down this path of revenge.

Still I wish you peace.  I hope you find some.

ETA:  With all due respect...  He doesn't need to face anything.  You NEED this.  And that's what you ought to be thinking about.  You NEED this closure, not your mom.  If she wanted it, it sounds like she could have had it years ago when your uncle found him.  If he is still a jerk (as you seem to believe that he is), he isn't going to care.  And that's going to provide you with more hurt and anger.  If you don't want that, you are going to have to learn to let this go at some point.  I'm not judging you (or him)...  I just think you are setting yourself up for more hurt and hoped to help you avoid it.