How to handle 5 year old exhibiting sexual behavior?

Question

I work in a therapeutic preschool as a teacher's assistant. I am 19 yrs old and I have only been working here for about 2 weeks.

One of the first days I was there, I was told to "shadow" a little boy named John because he was acting out a lot, kicking other kids, etc.

He became very attached to me and starting following me around everywhere and what not.

One of the teachers mentioned to me that he was looking at me "sexually" or inappropriately, and as a result, I tried to keep physical contact to a minimum. However, he continued to hug me and try to kiss me on the cheek.

When I was sitting on the rug he put his arm around my waist and I moved his hand. The other teachers claim that they have noticed other inappropriate behavior towards me, which is possible, but since it is a very busy room and I am watching a lot of kids, I must not have noticed.

One of the social workers told me that he has history of sexual abuse and that this is not the 1st time this has happened. She could not give me details.

How can I handle this situation correctly? I don't get much help from the fellow teachers, they are usually too busy sitting around talking and I end up doing most of the work. I don't want to hurt his feelings, I've grown really attatched to this kid given what he has told me about his home life and all. Is there anything that I can do?

Answer 1

i think maybe you people are over reacting. the kid is freakin 5 yrs old and he has obviously not had much attention shown to him in his life, and he looks up to you and trust you. whats so wrong about that? but yeah tell him to stop being so touchy feely, im sure he doesnt mean any harm, but tell him to stop.

Answer 2

y not ask one of the social workers what you can do.. its not very nice of them to just leave you on your own when you have no idea about what to do. You dont want this to develop because it could result in your being fired. You might try encouraging him to do other things when your near like do a puzzle with him, child like things. REALLLY they should be helping you because if you want to fix it then you will need to spend some 'friend' time with him to make it clean or the appropriate teacher/student behavior, but they should be there as well discouraging his behavior instead of gossiping about it.

Answer 3

Aww...thats so sad. Remember just not to be like mean about it to little John, he's only five and sexual abuse is a terribly confusing thing to anyone that young. He must be so confused, and it seems like the other social workers don't really care about helping the poor kid out. Try gently removing him whenever he touches you innapropiately, or saying "Hey lets read a book, play with blocks, whatever". Also maybe explain about how everyone has a bubble. Say if you get to close to a person like that you can pop their bubble and they'll be upset. But don't make him scared either lol. Good luck...and bless you for having the kind heart to help this poor child.

Love Haleigh<3

Answer 4

Maybe explain personal space, and how some people don't appreciate it.

Answer 5

how cuuuuuuuuuuuute!!!

Answer 6

A child that has been sexually abused may very well act out inappropriately, either by being a bully to other children, or overly clingy.  This does not mean that his attention towards you is sexual, but he may not know how else to show love, or caring.

The best thing to do is exactly what you are...  Move his hand away, perhaps a pat on the head and a smile will reassure him that you are not rejecting him.  Don't ignore him, as this will only increase his desire to gain your favor, and increase what might be inappropriate behavior.  Never let any action you perceive as sexual or that is uncomfortable to you slide. Always encourage other actions, by example.  Use a small pat on the hand, or arm...the shoulder may not be good in this case.  

One thing to keep in mind, is that if you have not noticed it, it may not be actually happening, but the other teachers are looking for it, due to his past, and anything he does could automatically be called into question.

I feel for you, as this is a sticky situation, and no one really wants to help, but are quick to judge.

Hope others have more valuable advice for you.  Best wishes.

Monica ;)  

Answer 7

Children with past sexual abuse need help in re-establishing boundaries of what kind of physical contact is okay.  You need to decide what you are comfortable with, if it doesn't include hugs or kisses then tell him you are uncomfortable with that kind of touch and stick to it.  Each time he touches you inappropriately tell him so and tell him it makes you uncomfortable, and before this happens think about what would be an acceptable consequence for the behavior.  Like he needs to work by himself for 5 minutes each time he touches inappropriately.

Another way to look at it is those that sexually abused him in the past also gave him a lot of attention, positive attention, so the sexual contact which was inappropriate, was mixed in with a lot of wonderful attention.  He is unsure how his relationship should be with you as his ideas of what is okay and what is not okay have been damaged, along with his own sense of personal self, and he wants a positive relationship with an adult.  Do give him a lot of positive attention, but de-couple it from the inappropriate touching by only giving being clear what you are comfortable with.

Answer 8

I understand that he has a history with sexual abuse, but is seems that they are a little too jumpy with him. He is 5 it is completely normal for him to exhibit some affection, he is comfortable with you and it should be fine for him to give you a hug and a kiss on the cheek, maybe he is lacking it at home. Just don't push him away it could devastate him and make him feel unwanted. But just explain to him what is appropriate and what is not. He is 5 he should understand. Good luck.    

Answer 9

I'm a mother of a 7 and 2 yr old and I don't think that little boy is being sexual at all. I think he's not getting love and affection at home and since you're showing him more attention than he's use to he's just doing what any normal kid would do to someone they care or love. If you're feeling uncomfortable with his actions then just explain to him that FRIENDS don't act that way toward each other and let him know you're not angry with him.

Answer 10

First, let me say that it is great that you are taking such an interest in helping John.  It takes a lot of time and patience to work with children in a therapeutic setting.

As for what to do... I think that you are going in the right direction.  You need to help him set boundaries.  A child who has experienced sexual abuse get boundaries confused.  Like some others have been saying, when he touches you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, redirect him to something else.  Play blocks, read books, color... something to occupy his hands and mind.  Try to explain to him what boundaries are and how they should not be crossed.  However, make sure that you tell him that you want to be his friend and that friends do not cross those boundaries.  NEVER ignore him, it could make things worse.  

Also, I am not sure what the teachers in your room are doing.  It seems to me that they should be trained in things like this, and that they should be helping you with strategies to help John and to help you as well.  My only suggestion would be to speak to the Social Worker again.  If you are working with this child, I do not understand why you cannot have access to his background?  It is a vital part of treatment!!  If you feel that you are getting no where and the situation is not getting any better, I would speak to the director.  Not to get the teachers you work with in trouble, but just see if they have any ideas or suggestions for you.

Good luck and I hope it all works out.  It is a tough job, but those kids need someone who cares as much as you to help them out!