How to handle a smart mouthed 3 year old?

Question

My son is 3 1/2 and he has quite a smart mouth on him. I mean smart mouth in two different ways. One being he is smart for his age, being able to communicate with me. And the other is just bad...a plain old smart mouth. The latter is what I need help with. I understand completely that this behaviour could be coming from us (more his Dad, but he would never admit it) I have spoken to my husband about this and he says that is not the case..and he is not a smart mouth. I beg to differ. I guess I have my days as well, but I know when I am doing it. So back to my son. He has picked up on this and is becoming very difficult. He is a good boy overall, and understands what he does. For example, after a typical punishment is over, he will apologize for what he did wrong..like "I'm sorry that I throw a fit", etc. One of the bad things he says alot is when he knows he will be in trouble or is getting punished.... "You made me cry!.." and then start to dramatically cry. That is not good to me.

Answer 1

When I read your question, my first reaction was "don't be a smart mouthed parent  and you won't have a smart mouthed 3 year old."

I have to tell you, that as a teacher for over 10 years, I have  worked with hundreds of kids (and have met their parents)  The most "normal", down to earth, thoughtful kids come from "normal", down to earth, thoughtful parents - the fresh, sassy ones have fresh, sassy parents...

Be the person you want your son to become - same goes for his dad.  Of course you won't always be perfect, but who is?  Just be as consistent as you can with your own behavior and with the feedback you give your son about his behavior and he will come around eventually.

edit based on your follow up comments - discipling him doesn't mean you have to be smart mouthed - you can speak calmly and respectfully to him, while still reinforcing rules and boundaries. It also helps if you review the "rules" or your expectations with your child at a time when he is not breaking rules, being fresh, etc.  I don't think people realized how many times kids need to be told (nicely) what is OK and what isn't - it needs to be constant and consistent.

have a standard policy - for example, if he touches the computer when he shouldn't, tell him you are giving him one reminder/warning.  If he touches it again, then there will be a consequence (timeout, or whatever you use)  Then just stick to your guns - no matter what he says - he's just trying to see how much "give" there is to the rules.  Make sure you show him that there is NONE, or he will just keep pushing.

Also, keep in mind that kids push back/try to manipulate to help them figure out where the boundaries are - the key here is that they really WANT boundaries.  The world is a big, scary place to a little person - they want to know that someone else has it under control so they can relax and feel safe.  If you show your son consistent boundaries, he will feel much safer - his fresh mouth sounds like it's really just his way of testing to see if you are in control of things or not.  And yes, he probably is doing this even more than usualy if he is bright, which is totally exhausting for you, I am sure.  All the more reason you need your husband on board!

I am not sure what to tell you about your husband...sounds like you might need to give him some consistent feedback, too! :-)

Answer 2

As an adult, and as a parent, you have the right to a smart mouth. Adults behave differently than children. As far as violence, or harmful activity goes, I can understand someone saying you cannot teach your child differently than what he sees, but this is different.

You can punish your child. You can boss him around. You are the boss! Just me, but the first time my kid tells me that I cannot make him do something, he's getting a swat on the butt. That's what it was put there for. An area the size of your hand with extra padding. Seems this area was intended for punishment...

Answer 3

Unfortunately, children learn what they live.  What do you expect?  You do not discipline your husband or yourself when you let fly, why should you discipline your child?

Answer 4

honestly, it sounds like a good spankin would work wonders on him... you can tell the kids who are spanked and the kids that arent... this sounds like a kid that doesnt get a spankin for punishment...

its not abuse, its correction... everytime he smarts off, pop him on the bottom, then sit him in time out....spanking is a method of discipline that has been proven effective over many many years./..... this "time out" stuff simply doesnt work alone.

Answer 5

I really don't think he is being a "smart mouth" (in my definition I guess) but he is only three.

First, you and your husband need to get on the same page as far as what is acceptable behavior. Meet in the middle, if you can't agree BOTH of you take him to the pediatrician for a well check or something and talk to your doctor and ask for their opinion. (Husbands will sometimes listen to them)

You say he understand that it is wrong and apologizes after, maybe but he may also just be understanding WHY he was in trouble and getting jail house religion and saying sorry for what got him there.

In my opinion, when he says these things, he could be copying his enviroment, but does that mean he can have a beer because he sees y'all having one?? Of course not, what would you tell him? It is for adults, not kids, it makes kids very sick. When he is a grown up his body will be stronger and it might be ok, but not for kids, right? The same concept goes for "the mouth." When he talks to you or an adult that way simply kneel down and look him in the eye, (at his level) and tell him, "If you want something you need to ask ("adult"), you can't tell me, that's not nice manners." Yes, as the adult you can "order" him but try to tell him in a tone that "sounds" like you are asking (in other words, very calmly and positive) ie, "Honey, take your things into your room for mommy, ok" "I need you to turn the computer off as soon as that clip is over, ok honey" If he tells you no or something, get on his level again and tell him, "Mommy said to do "blank" and I realy need for you to do it, if not I am going to have to turn off the computer for today, or If I have to pick up those toys myself I am going to have to put them up and away until tomorrow ...or the next day..." how ever long you would do it. Teach him how to talk to you by how you talk to him but don't think you have to become a mush, just sound sweet, use please even when you aren't "asking." Teach him to show respect by showing him respect as a little human being. (not the same respect you should get as an adult) The best thing you can do for him is to model respect and communication.