How to handle a smart mouthed five year old?

Question

My five year old daughter has gotten to be a smart mouth, and very disrespectful. I told her she could not do something today, and she threw glass down and told me to shut up. Right then, my husband took her to her room and spanked her hiney. After the spanking she threw a fit, to protest the spanking she had just got. We let her throw the fit for a little bit, then my husband told her to stop. She told him to shut up then. So again, she got another smaller spanking. She calmed down after that. Is spanking a good way to handle it? It breaks

our hearts, but it works. We have noticed since she knows we are serious about spanking, her mouth has gotten better. Are we doing ok aor are not? My two older ones, never were as bad. Just a mention of spanking got them to straighten up, with Brenna you have to do it.

Answer 1

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Answer 2

yes it works, but try putting her in timeout, there are better ways to handle it.  

Answer 3

I find that waving a gun around works well. (Of course that is just a joke.)

Answer 4

You answered you own question.  If you have shown her that spankings are a legitimate threat and her behavior has improved, then obviously it worked.

Answer 5

at 5 she is acting out for a reason...esp if a spanking doesnt work...i would try to put her into something like karate or dance....something organized that teaches you displine....something that she likes to do and keeps her intrest...she may feel like shes not getting enough attention...if that doesnt work seek help...because something may be wrong even though she is young things still affect her

Answer 6

It seems that you daughter got exactly what she needed. Even if it breaks your heart to spank her little hiney, keep doing it when necessary. She will thank you eventually.

Answer 7

It sounds like she doesn't know a polite & effective way to express her frustration or dissatisfaction when she's disappointed, told she can't do something she wants to do.

Do you think the spankings helped her learn a good way to do that the next time she's feeling like that?  Do you want her to learn a good way to do that?  Or, do you want her to just keep those thoughts & feelings to herself in order to avoid a punishment?  

She is a different person than her siblings & may learn in a different way than they do.  But, I'll bet she's just as capable of learning, if you give her the chance.

What I would have done when she said 'Shut up' the first time, was remind her that that is not a respectful or kind thing to say to another person.  I would have acknowledged that she was feeling frustrated, but said that being disrespectful was not going to change anything, it just makes me think that she doesn't respect me.  

Then, I would have helped her find the polite, respectful words to express how she was feeling.  And, helped her to understand the reasons why she could not do the thing that she wanted to do (not safe, not polite, not healthy, etc.).  

Finally, I would have asked her for an apology for treating me with disrespect.  

Answer 8

if spanking works i guess its ok and besides u gotta show her that you are the leader and she is the follower cuz if u dont then shell end up to be a spoiled pottymouthed brat that commands you not vice versa

Answer 9

Spare the rod, spoil the child.

You are doing fine there is nothing wrong with spanking your child, if they are wrong, but there is a fine line between a spanking and abuse.

Answer 10

Sometimes just threatening to spank works but you will have to be ready to carry through the threat if she continues with her bad behavior. I believe in spanking, I'm from a home that spanked us when we were kids.  It never killed us and I think the kids now a days need a little more of this.  Glad I don't have kids at home, because the courts  frown on us controlling our kids in this manner!

Answer 11

Spanking isn't good.  It's teaching that violence is a solution.

I was spanked and I don't take it so seriously.  It's not like I'm a total anti-spanking freak, but I do recognize that it's not the best thing to do.

There's an excellent book written by a Nobel Prize nominee, called "Parent Effectiveness Training."  I ask you to give it a go.  The author's name is Dr. Thomas Gordon.  This book is internationally recognized.

Answer 12

tell her  u wont get _______ (something she relly wants) or i wont take u to the park or just scream at her loudly... u can always say i u stop saying .... i will give u iceceram lol

xoxo

Answer 13

Hey do whatever works

Answer 14

Every child is different, some are more rebellious then others, so different punishments need to be applied. Just remember to follow through with what ever punishment there is and don't threaten something you can't do.( For example) My Mother used to threaten to break our necks! That is not effective, because she can't break our necks, but if you threaten to take their toys away or whatever, then be sure to do it. Always follow through with what ever you say you are going to do.

Answer 15

I don't like this at all.

I am afraid that she learned to be "smart-mouthed" from someone she knows well.

Who could that be?

A five year old is too old for a spanking and your husband need to keep his hands off your daughter's behind.

It's no wonder she acts that way.  

Answer 16

persistence pays off with kids. spanking doesnt work for most kids(didnt work on ours), it just makes them hate you or resent you. A time out area works well for our kids, somewere they go to be alone untill they smarten up a bit. I find my girls become bad after a day full of sugar or if they just need a nap.

Also make sure she gets some 1 on 1 time with you and your husband.  

Answer 17

There are many ways to show a child your serious without spanking them , for example my dad only had to look at me and i knew i was in trouble. There is an underlining problem for why she is acting out has there been any changes in your household that may have affected her which you may not have noticed.There is a technique that many parents are using across the world and it is called a timeout period. may it be her bedroom or a chair but when she starts acting up don't raise your voice at her it is best you ignore what she says because she wants you to shout back its for attention.just tell her firmly once you will go to timeout if you continue and if she persists take her to time out and she stays there until she has calmed down. it will be hard but tuff love really does work she will not love you less at the moment she does not respect you and thats what you need to get back

Answer 18

i do not agree with agent 99 at ALL!!!!!!!!!!

i think you should spank her once hard enough to make her cry a little bit but not hard enough that it will leave a red mark after you give her the first spankin tell her if she does it again she will get 2 spankins (softer) and get some of her prviliiges taken away

i got spankins all the time when I was a kid but if a got a spankin for it once then i didn't do it again

SPARE THE ROD YOU SPOIL THE CHILD

Answer 19

spankings or any mild forms of punishment is ok, as long as your not spanking her with a whip or something hard... she need to know her actions have consquences... then she wont do it.

Answer 20

If it works, then use it.  She's five years old.  She knows disrespect is wrong and she knows how to communicate her feelings without throwing a tantrum.  She just made the choice not to.  I see no problem with the way you handled it.

Answer 21

Yes, spanking does work, but I highly recommend talking to the child afterwards and telling her how you don't like it, but it was the only effective way to get her to stop yelling. Of course, also handle the spankings themselves in a calm and mature manner - the single most costly mistake parents make is screaming at a child to stop screaming. Tell her to give you a reason why she doesn't want to do what you ask her to, and that you promise you'll listen and give your own reason for why you told her to do something. Also, tell her that respect extends to everyone, not just her parents, and she will get consequences for such behavior in the real world - maybe not specifically a spanking, but usually something that causes emotional pain worse than the physical pain of a spanking. Tell her you love her more than you can ever express in words, and so its your responsibility to break a habit that could be bad for her in the future. Make a deal with her, and set up a reward system - if she is polite and respectful and remembers to do whatever tasks you assigned her, she will get _______ reward. Good luck!

Answer 22

I think you handled it very well but always remember not to spank with anger.

Answer 23

Is she still loving towards you the next day? if not then the spanking will break the bond you have if not then you're doing a good job and don't worry it hurts on both sides

Answer 24

You already know the answer--spanking is working. These days, unfortunately, this age old tried and true disciplinary technique has fallen into disrepute--though I think there is a comeback with a lot of younger parents.

It breaks any parent's heart to cause their child pain. And this is probably one of the reasons sometimes spanking does not work. They are inconsistent--because it is easier to let something slide. But the irony is if we are consistent with the spanking it is not necessary to do it that often.

Answer 25

personally, i would never spank a child. you just need to lay down the rules with her in a firm tone and explain the consequences if she does not follow through.  

Answer 26

I hate the word "spanking" even today.

And it doesnt really affect the kids opinion on you when their

young. Just make sure you dont continue doing that when she

is a double digit, like 10. Thanks, and good job.

Answer 27

if spanking works, then you should do it. just make sure your not spanking her with a gun or wip or anything.

try not to spoil her so much. i would probably ground her for 2 months so she'll understand the consequences she'll get for being smart-mouthed.and if that doesn't work, take away anything she loves. like barbies, or favorite toy or whatever. she'll learn her lesson sooner or later.

i wish u the best of luck!

Answer 28

Try Praising your child. Children love to be doted over and fawned over. Wheneve she does something good, no matter how small, Praise her. Say so great!" or if you tell her to pick up five toys and she only picks up three say, "Wow, you did such a good job picking up those three toys. Maybe next time you could get all 5!"

Since she is already showing problems small spankings will work just fine. Don't use belts or whips. Then do praise when she does good. That way she associated good behavior with attention as opposed to acting out and getting you to pay some sort of attention to her. Eventually, hopefully, the spanking will be cut out and all you have to do is be happy and show your happiness to your child.

Answer 29

It sounds like you are giving the spankings she needs.

Answer 30

Spare the rod Spoil the child, teaching can sometime involve fear.

if you have nothing to fear than you have no reason to act in any certain way. That's why they made laws and consequences for adults.

Plus kids aren't made of glass they can handle acceptable punishment not a brutal beating. a smack every now and then may be the only recourse

HAHAHA firm tone - must have never been around a kid that TONE doesn't work on

Answer 31

I would warn her that if she tells you to shut up (or anything along those lines) that she will get her mouth washed out with soap. If she continues to talk back and being smart mouth one more time then follow through and wash her mouth out with soap. It works and after about 1-2 times (depending on the child) it will stop. Good luck