How to handle financial and guilt issues with my parents?

Question

Okay, I'm having a bit of trouble with my parents. They've agreed to pay for my college, which I'm very thankful for. Now that it's said and done, it's like they regret it. They say to me, "Oh, well, your grades aren't that great. Why should we pay for it? You don't even try." And all this kind of stuff. I mean, I have a steady 3.0 GPA, which is a B average. I didn't think I was doing that bad?

Also, I'm beginning to feel really guilty. I needed a laptop for school, which they paid for. My parents also paid 900 dollars on my apartment over the summer. They also pay my cellphone bill. Granted, I'm an only child, but they don't make THAT much money. It seems like it's draining them, like I don't contribute anything back to the family. I literally feel like a toilet that they dump money into, like just a receptacle for waste. I love my parents dearly and don't want to put them through this, but I can't pay for this all by myself. Now, I offered to pay them back for the laptop, and they said I didn't have to, but my mom said she's sick and tired of having to pay for things and even though she loves me it's a strain. It made me feel horrible. I offered to pay, then she said that I need it more for spending money in college. What do I do to start feeling better about this? I really don't feel worthy of their financial support. Thanks for the help!

Answer 1

Your parents seem like jerks. You should take as much as you can from them and don't feel guilty.

My parents are like this too. When I offer to buy my own stuff, they tell me they'll get it for me. When I ask them for stuff, they get mad at me for asking.

Answer 2

well..

it doesnt' really make sense to tell you their upset about paying and refuse to pay you back.

so don't feel bad,you're more considerate than many.

a b isn't bad at all.

just do your best,don't sweat it,and you can pay them back later.

when you can,get a job.

college isn't a good time to feel stress.

this is an important time.

just acknowledge that your parents are probably stressed and they love you.

let them know how you feel.and that your guilty.

they probably are just saying these things under stress.

it's gonna be fine.

xoxo~

<3 feriell

Answer 3

I'm in a bit of the same situation, my parents have paid for my education, my laptop, my rent while I was in school, etc. I also got the whole "why are we spending all this money if your grades suck" speech a few times. A 3.0 GPA is very good. You shouldn't feel like a toilet that they dump money into. You should probably be working a few hours a week to be able to cover maybe your cell phone, groceries, etc. And try to think of the money your parents are spending on you as an interest-free loan. One day you might end up being financially responsible for them. They are trying to get you on your feet, because graduating from college with tens/hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt is really difficult to deal with, especially when you're being paid an entry-level salary.  

Answer 4

Sounds like your mother is putting you on this guilt trip.  Do not feel guilty.  You offered to pay for the laptop and she would not take the money.  You did what was right and you tried to help them so please don''t feel guilty.

I would have loved for my son to have had a 3.0 grade point average.  He just barely got by and graduated because he did play a lot.   Any type of ball, shape of ball as long as it was a ball he played.  I think we just about paid for the University's golf coarse.

Doesn't you parents know that a 3.0 gpa is great?   If they don't someone should tell them so they will know how hard you are really working.

They did not buy you anything you did not need for school.  You needed a place to live, a laptop and a cell phone and they paid for your education.  Most parents do this for their children.  So don't feel guilty, if you feel guilty than every child that has ever gone to college will have to feel guilty and I'm sure no one else wants to feel guilt.

The way I see it is that parents bring children into this world and they are never finished with them.  I think parents owe their children an education so that they will be properly armed when they go out into the world to find a job or a position in a good company.  Otherwise, you would have had to get a job out of high school making minimum wage  which would not pay much of your expenses and you would have to live at home and not have a very good life.

We paid for both of our childrens education and was happy to do so.  It took my son 5 years to graduate and my daughter received her PH.D. so we paid for a lot of education and we would do it again.  No we were not rich, we did without and started investing in their education when we received their social security number after they were born.  Now my children did work some while going to school for their spending money.  But they did not work for very long.  It is all to much for them.

Love your parents not for giving you a good education but because they are your parents.

The deserve your respect, your love an yor gratatude for being good parents who wanted their daughter to succeed in life.    

Blessing - do not feel guilty!

Answer 5

Get a part time job to help out hon.Go to the computer shops and stuff for used computers, go to the Campus book shop and find used text books.

Cut some corners if you can.You could probably live in a hotel room for less than what you pay in rent.

Answer 6

If you are feeling bad about it stop asking and start paying by working also if you can and you can pay the college for your tuition in advance.

The next time you need something don't ask either go without or pony up your own money it will give you a deep sense of accomplishment and growth.

Lisa

Answer 7

Well you pretty much stated it all in your question there - the connection is obvious. Don't ask them for money. Get a job -be independent. All the guilt will disappear AND your parents will be so proud of you. Dont say you have time or cant find one because its out there -and you can -even if it's some crappy job to start. Many people do it all and you can too. It's really the only way to relieve your mind -believe me !

Answer 8

Boy are you ever getting mixed signals from them! No wonder you are so confused.

Find a way to take care of yourself even if you have to take out student loans. Lots of students do this and turn out just fine. That way your grades are your business and they can focus on their financial future.

Maybe it is not their intention, but they are manipulating you for some reason.