How to handle my 8 years old daughter. I'm having so much difficulties.Pls guide me.?

Question

My daughter who is studying in chinese primary school is being so rude,irresponsible and showing temper tantrums each times i advise her and asked her to respect parents.In overall, she is the slowest child i guess everything that she does is in slow mission..day dreaming too much, complaint from school teacher, and tuition teacher. Eating each meal take an hour to complete ,even a cup of milk with 1 slice bread she take an hour that also i must hold cane otherwise she will create a drama to finish up food.. Very skinny cause she is such a pick eater. in school teacher is complaining to me everyday that she is the only one in the class take such a long time to finish up copying from blackboard. Eye sight is ok because i brought her to eye specialist and checked.I'm suffering since she started 4 yrs kindergarten. Memory very poor. Basically , she lose things everday in school.Teacher saying that she is very careless. If this go on ,it's gonna be very unhealthy .I'm sick and tired.

Answer 1

I would first get her checked by her

Doctor/Paediatrician/Early Childhood for any developmental issues, including Dyslexia.

Day dreaming, carelessness (losing things) and pushing acceptable boundaries are all quite normal for children at this age, so those are no surprise. The "slow-motion" could be an issue, but again, kids can do this in an attempt to exert some control of their own. Taking ages to eat/drink a snack or meal can also be a control issue. If your daughter doesn't really make her own choices in things, try giving her some control in areas that are not too important in the greater scheme. For example - what to wear in her hair, or choosing her own undies every day. Simple stuff, so that if this is one of her issues, she may stop pushing boundaries elsewhere.

Our girls need to know that their feelings count too, we can't ride roughshod over little girls feelings as they can take such perceived slights to heart, and react in defence of the hurt they feel. We have to remember that they are little people with their own, often very strong, personalities.

Of course, rudeness in school or at home is something to be handled appropriately. She obviously cannot be allowed to get away with it. Consistency is key here. If you give her reasonable boundaries (not too strict or too soft) and stick to them, she'll know exactly where she stands, even if she continues to push them. Its hard work for you and her, but not impossible to maintain. For her benefit, you have to remain consistent, but leave yourself some "wiggle room" (space for negotiation) over less important issues.

She's only 8 remember. that's only 4 years formal schooling. Some children just do not like being at school, away from Mummy and home and more freedom than is allowed in the school environment. Partly, its separation anxiety, especially if she's an only child. This could be causing her additional emotional strain. Her school should have a SENCO member of staff, or someone who takes particular responsibility for handling children with learning or behavioural difficulties. Ask to speak with them to discuss what they can do to help her. They should have some kind of strategy available to assist her and you. If they don't have a specific member of staff for this, then arrange a meeting with her teacher and the head of the school and ask them what plans they have put in place to help her in class. Put them firmly on the spot!

Outside of school, take a look at the bigger picture of your family life and how you all fit together. Does it work well? or does it need some adjustment? Does she need special time with you on her own? Can you have a "girly afternoon" or something?

Above all, remember you are dealing with a little girl that needs your help and support and love. She'd be even more lost without that. She needs you to "be on her side" always.

I wish you all the best in sorting this out for her.

Good luck.

Answer 2

sounds like my daughter......take her to her doctor so they can detect if there is a problem early...good luck!

Answer 3

Watch the movie Taare Zameen par

Get help

Love her lots

Dyslexia could be the cause

Answer 4

Sounds like my daughter, who has a classic case of ADHD. Take her to her physician. If her physician does not treat ADHD, she can refer you to someone who does.

Some people with ADHD do well with medication, and some don't. The doctor would be able to help you find ways to encourage your daughter to focus better and feel good about her achievements.

Answer 5

take her to a doctor.

Answer 6

She does sound like she has ADD.  I had the same issues with my daughter.  Take her to your physician and tell her/him that you believe your daughter may have ADD.  (if she has alot of energy and it running all over the place all the time and cant keep still then I would say ADHD).  Your doctor will give you a referral to see a person who will give tests to your daughter and diagnose her ... about 6-8 hrs of testing (age appropriate) and at her age they are fun memory games and questions etc...  they broke this down into 2 sessions for my daughter and 1 session with me after her conclusions we found.  If she is ADD/ADHD  you will go over options.  You can try medications if you would like or you can do behavioral modification.  they will discuss everything with you.  You will need these tests done if you want to have an IEP from the school which will force the schoolto give her exrtra help and allowances for her special needs.   I tried the meds and decided that I didnt like the side effects.  We did struggle for a couple of years with behavior modification (we never had an IEP because I felt that I could handle things on my own at home with extra help for her) its been 4 years now -she is in 7th grade and doing fairly well.  She is learning to cope with things and occassionally I have to step in and remind the teachers that she has ADD and to place her in the front of the room and to just be alittle more patient.  So far it works most of the time.  Good luck to you

Answer 7

Could be a learning disability, they range from mild to severe.  she needs to be tested.

Answer 8

First of all remember she is only 8 yrs old, and not all kids develop at the same rate.

My advice is to take her to see a Doctor, and they can take an thorough examination of her and see if there is anything psychologically or physically wrong with her.

She may also have learning difficulties which means her brain takes longer to take and store information than other children her age, this is in regards to the food situation also and i am very shocked to hear that you stand over her with a cane to hurry up her eating, if she is a slow eater then let her go at her own pace, you don't have to stand over her whilst she finishes, maybe do some dishes whilst she eats, fear may be stopping her.

Try not to think of this as a problem that only affects you its going to be a lot harder for her as she has to live with it possibly fo the rest of her life and she needs her Mums, support, love and PATIENCE

Answer 9

Sounds like ADD or ADHD or something like that...

(Then again, she sounds EXACTLY LIKE ME...and I've never been diagnosed with anything)