How to handle out of control stepdaughter?

Question

How do you handle a stepdaughter who is underage, has s*x talk with adult men, posts inappropriate photos of herself on the internet, lies and sneaks on computer to cover her tracks, has been found with drug related items, is trying to get pregnant by adult men, and now thinks she's going to marry an adult man. She was sent to live with her mom because she was so out of control, now it looks like mommy is letting her doing anything she wants, no matter how stupid it is. She swore she wasn't as stupid as me (i was in a relationship at the time AND was 21 yrs old) and wouldin't do stupid things, well gee i think being underage and possibly prego is pretty frikken stupid. what can be done to wake this kid up and hopefully get her head on straight cuz it sure isn't on straight now.

Answer 1

WOW.  the only thing that comes to mind is a program that is offered by some police departments.  it's kinda lika a scared straight program.  it lets out of control kids talk to criminals and see how life is behind bars.  you can try that or send her away to a boot camp and allow them to straighten her out.  i know that that may sound harsh but tough love is what she needs.

Answer 2

She does have a father and a mother.  Tell her mother and father exactly what you told us here and let them handle it.  Face it, she's not going to listen to you anyway.  Don't have anything else to do with your stepdaughter.  Write her out of your life.  She's nothing but trouble and not worth your concern.

Answer 3

First of all cut out the "Mommy thing" about her Mom.  You sound like you are jealous because she has been sent to live with the Mom because she was out of control.  Second, you need to show some respect for your step daughter and her Mom.  You are not her mother you are the step Mom.  Your role now should to be as supportive to her as you can be.  Let her know you are there for her not to ridicule her and her Mom.  It sounds like she pretty much is not very fond of you either.  If you want to turn this thing around then you need to be the adult and just reach out to her and not so much tell her what to do.  She has a Mom and a Dad and you are not either one of them.  If you can "befriend" her she will tell you things and ask for your advice.  If you keep being nasty to her and about her Mom then you will never have a relationship with her.  The kid is reaching out to anyone that will pay attention to her.  HSe is getting a lot of negative attention and sees the guys as positive attention.  Let her look at you as positive.  It will take some work on your part to turn this around but it can be done.

Answer 4

If I understand what you wrote, it sounds like your stepdaughter is no longer your problem on a day to day basis.  That's fortunate for you.  

The only way to help is for you and your stepdaughter's father & mother to put your heads together and develop a plan.  You all will then need to then meet with the stepdaughter and let her know that you are aware of her activities and behavior.  She may have more secrets you're unaware of, but you can only address what you know - and it sounds like you've got a good start.  

Then tell her that her privileges will be taken away - phone, computer, privacy (uninstall the lock to her door).  Tell them what types of behavior will earn the privileges back.  Be sure to tell her all of the positive things that you know and observe about her (it may be hard, buy try).  

Also, you can bluff by letting her know that you've contacted local police to let them know that adult males are talking to your underage daughter/stepdaughter and that her contacts are being watched.  She may/may not fall for it.  It may be a good idea to actually call your local PD and ask for advice about how to deal with the slimy men who are chatting with your underage child.  Also, you may want to get her one of those birth control shots, and the new Gardasil vaccination.  

And pray.  Pray your guts out that she lives through this phase of her life.  That's what I'm doing now, is praying for my own teenage daughter.  I never imagined in my wildest dreams that my 13 year old would be experimenting with the things she's experimenting with.  But we're buckling down on her and HARD!  You gotta fight for your kids.  Then at some point, you gotta let go...

Answer 5

Daddy needs to get custody and not let her have ANY freedom.

This was probably a child that could have used a spanking and never got one.  It's never too late to start.