How to handle people who 'invite' themselves into your wedding?

Question

Two issues have come up and they both caught me by surprise;

First my fiance's oldest friends daughter who is 8 and unfortunately almost as round as she is tall asked if she could be the flower girl. She's a terribly giggly thing and I couldn't see her making down the isle without falling apart...but I just didn't know what to say.

Then the female half of one of the couples we hang out with most asked me if I would mind inviting one of her friends who I only know vaguely....because she would be fun...why would I do that, I've never even had a conversation with this person.

Aren't people supposed to wait to be 'invited' verses inviting themselves??

Answer 1

I'm going through the same thing. Well, the uninvited guest thing at least.  I'm just telling people that we've been planning this for a while (which we have) and the guest list is set and we just simply can't afford any more heads.  Then I apologize (though I'm not actually sorry).  

And, on the invitations (since we were having such a big problem with people doing that) we wrote in small writing "Invitation is for said guest/s only.  Thank you for your understanding."

It's working so far! Hope that helps..

Good luck and congratulations!!

Answer 2

Flower girl- that's something you and your fiance have to decide.  Does he want her there since its his friends daughter or does he agree with you?  You can skip the whole flower girl thing and tell them you don't want to over-complicate things or tell them you already have someone and the dress was preordered a while ago.

Guest- tell them you have a certain number of guests to stick with given the room and the budget and since you are not close to her you will have to say now right now.  

Answer 3

Yes, it's rude to invite yourself to weddings, the bride and groom pay so much and each guest adds on more costs. I also would just tell the little girl straight up that you already have a flower girl and she can't be in your wedding and you're very sorry. I would also tell your friend that you can't afford to add another 30 dollar meal and favors and all kinds of things for people that people who are invited want to bring, and if you let her bring a friend, you have to let everyone, and it's simply not possible because it's too expensive.

Answer 4

Give these people the benefit of the doubt, and assume they were just asking to be invited because they're so excited and happy for you. However, you still don't need to invite them. When asked, say you are trying to keep the size of your wedding down, or say that you already have enough flower girls, or aren't having flower girls, etc. There isn't really a nice way to deal with not inviting people who want to come, but unless you want your wedding to be an open house, you're still going to have to tell them "no".

Answer 5

Hi

It's YOUR wedding, you decide.

Me, I' ld say no and get it over and done with asap or say nothing and then the next time it's mentioned say that the invites have already been ordered and the list finalised.

Weddings cost and only you know what your budget can be stretched to.

Cya

:)

Answer 6

i dont think that the little girl knew any better and you might've tried to say that you had already picked out a person. and telll that person that your wedding is important and that it is the most important day of your life and you would rathere have people who you know and are close to as a part of your wedding...

and i think it was very rude of that person to suggest that u invite one of her frinds

Answer 7

Yes people can be very indiscrete. But to your first problem with the flower girl, just tell her that unfortunately, you already chose the flower girls and started on their dresses, but you can offer her another positin, something that won´t involve much, but that will make her feel good. Something like throwing the petals as you come out of the church, something like that. She´s probably goofy, but she is an 8 year old and at that age this could even be traumatic if you say a complete no.

And to your second problem, tell your friends that you already made the list of your invites and you can´t add anyone else because you´ve got a budget. They´ll understand and if they can´t, too bad! Really, there´s not much you can do, but you need to be honest. You´re not teeling them you don´t want to, you´re telling them you can´t! It´s a good excuse and a fair one.

Answer 8

That was rude, in both situations. They shouldnt be asking to be in your wedding or invite their friends. Just be polite when you answer, but do it soon so you nip this in the bud and dont lead them on...

Answer 9

Yes, they're supposed to be invited.  You're basically inviting them to a free party and dinner, in addition to including them on the biggest day of your life, so it's up to you to decide the guest list. For your friend who wants to bring her own entourage, tell her that the guest list is already finalized and you're not budgeted for additional people.

As far as the flower girl thing, that seems harsh. Do you have a flower girl already? It seems unfair to reject her because she's overweight, but maybe sit down with her and talk to her about the seriousness of the job, and if you don't think she can handle it without cracking up, tell her parents you can't use her. (jeez, tell her you think she's fat ... that'll cut out the laughing.) Maybe putting the pressure on her about how serious the job is will make her chill with the giggles. Then again, a cute little girl is kind of the idea, it's OK if she laughs a lot.

Answer 10

Yes. It's Extremely Rude To Invite Yourself To Someones Wedding.

But If It's A Sit Down Meal, Then They'll Be Ones Looking Like Idiots When They Have No Place To Sit & No Food To Eat.

Why Not Have Another Flower Girl If You Can As Well As The One You Already Have, Then Have Them Walk Down The Aisle Holding Hands. It May Keep The One You Already Have From Bursting Out In Hysterics If She Sees The Other Being Serious About It All.  

Answer 11

People have such a sense of entitlement don't they? We had people complaining as we didn't invite their kids. We pretty much said Too Bad!

Anyway... I agree with the others about the flower girl. Either tell her that you've already picked them or say you're not going to have any children in the bridal party. There's no rule that says you *must* have children.

As for the other situation: politely tell her the truth. That is that you are not comfortable inviting her friend as you don't really know her and it wouldn't be appropriate for you to invite her.

Answer 12

I hate that too...i had my guys ex wife invite herself cause she would love to see us get married...WTF? I don't understand! I just told her it wouldn't be appropriate. You could use that for your friends friend. About the young girl...I don't know.  

Answer 13

Yes, people should wait to be invited but after planning a wedding, I've learned that weddings bring out the rudeness in people!

The first issue could be an easy one to resolve. Tell her one of two things (depending on your situation) - that you already have a flower girl or that you and your fiance have decided not to have one.

For the second situation, I would just tell her no. You can go into reasoning if you want to (though the fact that you don't know this person should be reasonable enough!) but you don't really have to.