How to handle people who lie and talk behind your back?

Question

I'm an 18 year old student and go to school in a high school of about 500 students. All of the students in my grade are pretty close, as we're attending a different (international) diploma program than the rest of the school. However, lately I've started to get really pissed off (sorry, language - I know!) at most of the people (girls, I am too) because I feel like they take me for granted and don't really care about being real friends with me.

I constantly hear them talking about others behind their backs which for me stands out as utterly childish and immature. And they apparently talk about me too. And lie to me about what they're doing (hanging out etc) and just exclude me from them. It’s like they’re pretending they like me and they really would not have to because to tell you the truth to me they’re some of the most boring people I know.

I guess during the past two years in school (this third year is our last) it's been the same situation, I just had worse self confidence than I do now that I wouldn't stand up for myself that much because I cared too much about what they thought of me.

Now however I feel like I couldn't care less about if they like me or not - it's just that I pretty much have to see them and hang with them everyday in school.

I’m just wondering is it that normal for people my age to be so immature and distrustable? Are they not mature enough to have normal relationships with people (read: normal as in REAL FRIENDS)? Is it their immaturity or low self-esteem that makes them so mean? Or am I too naïve to believe that it’s possible to find friends that actually care about you?

Answer 1

  you will find a friend

get used to the back stabbing

Answer 2

with a punch

Answer 3

The fact that you could care less about these people shows that you have moving on and maturing.  To answer your question, is it normal for people your age to be this immature and not trustworthy, yes, unfortunately trustworthiness usually comes with maturity.  They talk about others out of a desire to be accepted and deflect the discussion from themselves.

You will find friends who actually care about you once your out of school and in an environment where you can hang out with people because there is a mutual interest, not just because your locked up in high school together.  After high school your world opens up and you begin to meet new people you will never think about these old immature friends.  

Additional Details:  Yes there are other people like you at your age who don't talk c**p, but you will find like I did that they keep to themselves, not wanting to be involved in friendships where this stuff goes on.  I personally found that the people who lived on the sidelines often made the best friends once you got to know them.

Answer 4

Alana, yes it's normal for 18 year olds to act like that.  However, it sounds like you are on the right track academically and you don't need those girls as a distraction.  I'm 43 and some of the women I work with are still like that.  It's challenging for me to ignore them sometimes.  Keep your head up !!

Answer 5

It's the nature of teenagers - they do talk and things build and turn to lies. What you have to do is not get caught up in it and you'll find someone with whom to be close friends who is sick of it all as well. If not, you're a senior, right? I am in contact with not a single person with whom I went to school - nor have I been since shortly after leaving for university. It's a phase that will soon be over and you will find people who are genuine and great to be around. I may not be in touch with anyone from high school but still am with a ton of people from university and this is 15 years later.

Answer 6

u wrote much details

but the answer that i wnat to say is found in it

u said : (( feel like I couldn't care less about if they like me or not ))