How to handle possesive friend? Yikes please help!?

Question

I have been friends with this person since we were 16 yo. on and off. We are now adults. I have married and had children. She remains single and has no children. She has alot of free time on her hand and I am trying to figure out how to juggle remaining friends and getting her to understand that we are not teens anymore. Ex. She likes going to church with me, but depends on me to pick her up. She refuses to go if I cannot go or pick her up. She asked the other day if I was going this sunday and I responded that I would not likely go, because my hubby and I were celebrating our 7th anniversary and he took off work to spend time with me. She proceed to mumble groan and stated that she would not go if she could not attend with her friend. I told her that she did not need me to go with her all the time and not to miss out just because I wasn't going. She also asked what I would be doing after I left class at 8pm, I told her I was going home to spend time with the kids before they went to bed, she started mumbling about that and stated that she hardly ever gets to see her friend or hang out because I am always busy. Am I being rude for not trying to make time for her. Its hard juggling kids, husband and career. I barely can get time for myself. She is 33 and is always trying to make me feel bad if I state that I can't hang out because I will be with the kids or hubby. Help and please advise. How can I get her to see that we have different paths now.

Answer 1

Explain to her that if her neediness continues, it will push you to completely cut her off. Obviously, she is insecure so I don't know how she will take this, but friends like this sometimes don't get more subtle messages. Tell her the terms under which you think your friendship can go on (i.e. once a month or whatever) and reassure her that you're not pushing her away, rather you're trying to preserve and prevent damage to your friendship. Maybe she can come over to join dinner with your family, that way you're still with your family and she gets to see you. Bottom line, she's got to understand that you come in a package now.

Answer 2

I really do not know. But i have the same problem with one of my friends. I have been friends with her for many years now. and she just does not get the fact that we can not live in each others pockets anymore.

Ive decided that distance is the only key, if she doesnt like it then she wasnt as great as friend as i thought. She wants you to comprimise but is not willing to comprimise herself for you.

Think about it, is she really worth the worry??

Answer 3

Sounds like she has an unhealthy dependency on you.  Back off a bit and allow her to find her own way.  You've probably realized with your own kids that they learn to do thing on their own or they will depend on you much of the time.  Same for adults.  Perhaps set some time asside to go out with her, but then back off a bit.  She needs to find her own way for it to work.

Answer 4

i think you have to tell her that you have your own life now, and she should have one by now as well, try gettting her to meet with other people and hook her up with another "lonely" guy.

Answer 5

You just gotta put it out there.

She sounds like a real pain!

Her feelings might get hurt but if you don't lay it out then she probably figures theres no real problem.

Answer 6

try to give her insight into your life

take her with you, for entire day and show her how important and needed you are in your family and work and try to explain how there are tons of other people who are willing to spend time with her qualitatively....hopefully she understands

Answer 7

Tell her you need your space.

Answer 8

your friend is your friend,,, just because you lead different lives it doesn't mean you walk separate paths.

Answer 9

She seems to be lonely. Well of course she is since she probably doesn't feel "full-filled" like yourself... with the hubby, kiddos and career.

Hopefully she will find herself a man... someone else she can depend on.

You are right, she needs to realize you two are not teens anymore or even in your twenties. And you need to make time for yourself. And it seems she needs to get her own life.

Just let her know.

Answer 10

just tell her your married now and that you don't have that much of free time like when yhou were single.

Answer 11

tell her to give you space

Answer 12

She is a CLINGY nimrod.