How to handle problem neighbor?

Question

I have an older neighbor (in her 60's) who at first was charming and very pleasant. I've known her a year and half. During this time, I've found out that this woman is nothing but d-r-a-m-a. She has become addicted to narcotic painkillers and is now on an opiate nose spray (stadol). She has been told by 2 different doctors that she could no longer see them as they viewed her as a drug seeker. She got furious, told one doctor that he wasn't worth the powder to fire the gun at. Told the other she'd sue him. I know this because she comes to me to vent for some strange reason, though she knows I don't want anything to do with the situation. Guess that is partially my fault as when she fell ill several months ago, I took her to the doctor and looked in on her.

My problem is that for the last few months, she's been high as a kite. She just walked in my house one day while I was in a shower. I came out to find her leaning over my 7 week old sons crib with a cigarette hanging from her mouth. It appeared as if she was getting ready to pick him up. In a bath towel, I escorted her from my home. She could barely walk down the stairs because she was so high. She is a very bitter person these days and when I think of her personality type, the raunchy comedian Sam Kennison comes to mind. She drops the F and N bomb with the greatest of ease and seems to pride herself in the fact that she is 4 ft 11 in and so outspoken.

I see her as a threat to herself and those around her. So, I have simply learned to keep my doors locked and keep our conversations brief. That is hard to do with her though as she is the kind of person who wants to fill you in on every neighbor and what their personal lives are like and her opinions of them. I am sure she over exaggerates things too to make the conversation more appealing to one seeking the dramatic. So anynow, after a week of smiling and waiving and not really speaking to her (but not mistreating her in any way), she comes to my house asking me to come over. I told her I couldn't--I've got a newborn. She then tells me what an *** I am and how she despises me as a person and that I am a loser because there is more to life than just being a mom. WTH This woman has never had any children but claims to be an expert on everything from parenting to figuring people out. I am at my wits end with this woman and know I have to live beside her or sell the house I have worked my butt off for. Keeping the peace with her seems to be impossible unless I am willing to continue to participate in her unhealthy "friendship" and watch her while she continues on her downward spiral. When I finally did tell her I thought she was high and addicted she got irate. Now it appears that I have an irate, irrational druggie who has it in for me.

What should I do??

Answer 1

What an awful situation, but you are doing the right thing....keep your doors locked, but instead of keeping conversations brief--I would keep them non-existent!  She crossed the line when she entered your house and stood over your baby's crib!

Now that she despises you, you can consider yourself lucky and maybe she will stay away from you.  You don't anyone who is so high they can't function anywhere near your baby.  While I wouldn't antagonize her in any way, hopefully, she will just add you to her list of "nasty neighbor" stories that she can share with the other people in your neighborhood who are probably going through the same thing with her!

If she does become abusive or if you ever see her trying to open your doors again, don't hesitate to call the police and get a restraining order--it doesn't matter how old she is or how many real or imagined health conditions she has--a drug addiction is a drug addiction! And while you don't have any control over helping her get over that--you don't have to put up with the ramifications of it either.  Try to find some nice neighbors to bond with!

Answer 2

Being a Mother is a big job.

I would just speak and keep going.

Does she have any family?

Answer 3

Get a restraining order.  Her entering your home without your permission and endangering your child should help your case.  Maybe if she is arrested and thrown in jail, she can get off the meds.

Answer 4

If you dont want her to 'have it in for you', just keep things brief, still waving etc, so that she would have no reasonable reason to 'hate' you. Shee seems kind of dangerous though with the drug taking. Entering your house without your permission is not something normal people do, are there any agencies that you can call to let them know her welfare and what she has neen doing? They would visit her and maybe send her to a home to be looked after? I dont know the persons personality to whom you refer, but get the gist of her personality.

If she comes over again, just say things like, 'I am a bit busy, I'm about to head out actually', or 'I'm feeling really really exhausted I'm going to bed'. If she starts with her advice, cut her short by thanking her for her advice, saying you will definitely take it into consideration but now you have to get your babys food ready...do washing...etc.

You definitely dont want her to act out or to hate you, but there are definitely boundaries.

So, keep smiling, never go to her house and never let her in, if really worried call the authorities on her about her drug use and the amount of doctors she goes to.