How to handle rude comments about my appearance? ?

Question

Normally adults seem to understand it’s rude to walk up to someone and say “You’re fat” or “You look like h**l,” but that social convention seems easily ignored when a pregnant woman is the subject. Several of my co-workers have made obnoxious comments that I just don’t know how to respond to. I'm in my 15th week so I have many months left to put up with this c**p.

One day I was told I didn’t look pregnant and the very next someone said I was getting a pudge ( I HATE that word!!). Just a few minutes ago, someone told me my face was fat. Not full, FAT! That’s not exactly a word I need to hear at a time when I’m not in love with my body. I work with a woman who insists on calling every pregnant woman she sees “Waddlesworth.” She’s already told me she’ll bestow the moniker on me when I begin to waddle. WTF??

So why is it ok to comment on the appearance of a pregnant woman when any other time in life it’s not socially acceptable and how can I respond to such comments in a way that says “Hey that was obnoxious” without being rude myself?

Answer 1

I don't think it's rude to stick up for yourself! Look at the comments they are making. I'd honestly let them know you're not about to deal with comments like that for the next 5 months! Pregnancy is a beautiful thing and if they want to joke around about it- put them in their place. Don't feel bad about it either. I finally got to the point where I told people I didn't want comments about my weight or how I looked. It's just rude! you're beautiful and doing a beautiful thing by creating a little life inside you....forget them!  

Answer 2

I would just tell them "I'm pregnant you idiot!" You should be obnoxious, they are. You don't have to put up with that.

Answer 3

people say these things to pregnant woman because it dosnt seem in appropriate to some. i dont know, i never had such comments made to me...except wow, you are getting big, or youre tiny...

All you have to say is "that was rude" when a comment is made that is infact rude. it gets your point accross nicely...and they should back off...if not, your hormones will take over one day and you will snap on them...lol   some people just dont think before they speak, some just dont think what they say is wrong...

Answer 4

yeah I know what you mean. My dad insisted on telling me I was fat everytime I saw him whilst pregnant- along with others commenting.. At times it just pissed me off but mostly you have to just laugh it off. I politely reminded my dad that I had only put on 10kg my whole pregnancy and any less would of been unhealthy.

Dont worry about the negative comments just focus on all the good ones!

Answer 5

I used to tell them I'm going to lose my "fat" in a few months, looks like you're stuck with yours!

Its really annoying, isn't it? My manager used to say it to me, I laughed it off at first but it does annoy you.

You're a beautiful pregnant woman, forget what they say and remember that the changes are because you're going to have a lovely little baby soon!

Answer 6

I had the same experience.  I would suggest that you say the same back to them.  If they say you're looking fat, tell them we should go work out together, they could use it too.  Be nice but firm and they will back off.  If this is not the way for you, just ignore them and walk away.  If they make a comment about how you're showing too much or not enough, just say my dr thinks we're doing just fine, thanks anyway.  Good luck and don't let mean people get you down.

Answer 7

They're the ones being rude not you. I would say look I don't think the comments you're making are appropriate and I don't appreciate them. OR I would say Hey, I'm pregnant what's your excuse, LOL. Depending on my mood that day :-)

Answer 8

I know what you mean. When I was about 30 weeks, the principal of a school I worked at (only one day a week and I was a visiting speech pathologist so she wasn't my boss as such and I hardly had anything to do with her), took one look at my belly and goes "are you getting fat?" ...WTF  I'm not 100% sure that she actually knew I was pregnant before she said that and I couldn't believe it... we'd actually had a pretty bad working relationship before that and it just made things worse.

As for how to respond... it's a hard one and I guess it depends alot on your relationship with these people. You could just say "umm... ok" and walk off... they'd probably get the picture. Or you could get someone else you are close with at work to spread it around that you don't like it. Or just say directly.. yeah... I'm really not that happy with the word FAT.... I mean really. WHo says that??

Answer 9

Everyone handles this different, I had a co-worker like that...she would ask me if there was twins in there (I'm measuring 3 weeks under!) and look at my belly and say "oh you poor thing" I'd say things like what do you expect there is a child in there. She knocked it off after a while.

I think the worst was My mother and I went into a Walmart that had a MacDonald's last Saturday for lunch, stupid me...I sat to the smallest table one of those that was just two seats. I carried my stuff over and dropped my car keys under the table. When your belly grows more you'll understand that bending isn't a easy task anymore. So after a little struggle I got my keys, and in my dismay I watched a middle aged man and his wife laugh and poke fun while they were watching me! When I got up from my meal and walked by their table, they were looking at my belly and laughing and what not...I just looked at them and said at least when you get caught talking **** about someone your supposed to have the courtesy to shut up! smiled and walked away. Not giving them time to say anything, but hey I have a temper so putting up with **** isn't in my lifestyle lol.

Answer 10

STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!!!! when a woman is pregnant it is soo beautiful. Your going to give birth to someone that is going to make a difference. If they r rude, just say " HEY DO YOU WANT TO BE THE ONE CARRyING AND MAKING A BABY FOR NINE MONTHS?" or " I WONDER WHAT YOU WOULD LOOK LIKE PREGNANT, NOT LIKE THIS" or if they say something like " you face is fat", then say " OHH YOUR PREGNANT TOO?! CONGRATULATIONS. " give it right back at them :)

and congrats on ur baby!!

Answer 11

women are so obnoxious and rude,just say i don't appreciate the comment and i would look really hard in the mirror at yourself, or just not laugh or comment and ignore them, then they would not what to say...

Answer 12

It's not rude to stand up for yourself! If they say something hurtful, just look at them and say "That's not very nice!" People can be so dense sometimes. I bet you're absolutely gorgeous. :)

Answer 13

yea it does suck. i get called tubby when i go into a store that i used to work at. (the funny thing is the person that calls me it, is a large girl). but what i normally do is say something along the lines of "im pregnant, whats your excuse" and that seems to shut her up!

Answer 14

It stinks that just because you are pregnant it gives people a license to say whatever they want and don't even consider that we are super hormonal !

I've learned to ignore stupid comments - I had this one woman say " You getting fat yet? " and " Boy its going to be weird seeing you fat because you've been so lean " ! Ugh wanted to deck her lol . Then when I told her I was over 5 months at the time along she SHUT UP because her daughter was MUCH bigger than me and we  were pregnant around the same time .  This woman also had the gall to argue with me on my due date because I was small .

Answer 15

Tell them atleast your "pudge" or "fat face" will go away in 9 months. What are they going to do about theirs?

Answer 16

I think you can, and should, be rude and obnoxious back.  You can always blame hormones if people take it the wrong way.

How about answering "I created another person's digestive tract today, what have YOU been doing?"

Answer 17

Tell them that if it was a rude thing to say when you weren't pregnant that it's still rude to say now. AND that since you are hormonal it's a potentially dangerous thing to say as well!

Answer 18

I don't know that there are any easy answers. For some unknown reason, during pregnancy all normal social conventions and rules and politeness go out the window and your body almost becomes public domain! To make it worse, being pregnant all the hormones make you teary and emotional when people say such unpolite things. I am not sure what they get out of calling pregnant women fat, or pudgy, or laughing because you are waddling.

I am not sure that there are any polite answers without being rude or sarcastic yourself. The best I managed was to smile rather grimly and say that x-reason was another joy of pregnancy noone tells you about. For example, "(smile) yes, water retention is just another joy of pregnancy noone told me about!".

At least they are (so far) only commenting inappropriately, and not touching inappropriately! Nothing worse than acquaintances you don't really like or even random strangers rubbing your belly!

Answer 19

It's funny. I just answered a question similar. People have NO MANNERS when it comes to pregnant women. I constantly get people telling me I don't look pregnant (while some ask me when I am due) and it makes me feel terrible because then I wonder "does it just look like I have a beer gut?"

The thing is, most people are somehow in their own mind TRYING to make you feel better - but they usually do a really bad job at doing it. Most pregnant women want to look pregnant, not fat, and not like they are about to pop - just pleasantly pregnant.

Personally, I would say to people like that. "I am really new to the changes going on with me and sometimes your comments make me feel a little down about it in a time my body is changing so rapidly" - or, some variation of that. I think most women would get that. At least I certainly would!

Answer 20

Just tell them to F off! Obviously they don't care about hurting your feelings (pregnant ones at that!) so don't be scared to hurt theirs! Tell em off and stand up for yourself NOW or else the comments will just et worse as your preggo belly grows. I would kick someone in the face if they called me Waddlesworth... thats rediculous. I bet you look great! Pregnancy is a beautiful thing and its a shame you have to work with a bunch of dumb asses!

Answer 21

If someone ever, and I mean EVER called me waddlesworth, I'd knock em out!  

Just tell her if she says it again, you'll go to human resources about it and make a complaint about her!  That'll make her stop.  

Answer 22

Unless these people are super fit and thin- they have no business commenting on you.  Cause you can easily be like "your one to talk- maybe you should lay off the ho ho's".  

Tell them straight up- "I am pregnant and I think your comments are harsh and unnecessary.  I am not fat."

And tell that idiot to not call you that.  If she does- make up a nickname for her- like Stinky, or Moron.  That will shut her up.  I can guarantee that she thinks waddlesworth is the MOST clever thing she has ever thought of.  

I understand that what I am saying is rude- but it irritates me when people do stuff like that.  

Answer 23

I too had a woman recently tell me that I don't even look pregnant.  I was quite insulted because I am obviously showing now and never had a stomach on me like this before, so my first feeling was, she just called me fat!  My response was, "Oh, I'm sorry, what exactly is pregnant supposed to look like?" then I just turned and walked away.

It's really unfortunate that people think it's okay to make comment just because you are pregnant, for instance I had another lady tell me that my face was starting to puff.  I mean as if I didn't notice and don't feel bad enough without her pointing it out right!  I really don't think there is a whole lot you can do to stop them before they make these comments, but I see no reason that you shouldn't stand up for yourself and let them know if they have offended or upset you.

Answer 24

Awww poor you!!!  You shouldn't have to go through this!!  I had one annoying person who kept commenting on my weight, and one day I was fed up and snapped back "I'm creating life, what's your excuse?"  lame I know, but it shut him up.