How to handle situation with my daughters father? ?

Question

Background: My daughter is 8 months old, father and I are not together, broke up 9 months ago when he cheated and moved out(love him dearly but thats the dealbreaker), we have an amicable relationship, not messing around, no drama, no arguments at all. Until now. Yesterday I took my daughter to her father's hse for the weekend (a few weeks ago he moved into a hse). I took a tour of his hse to check out where my daughter would sleep. we were on the porch talking when a chick and her son walked up. I spoke, he didn't introduce her, so i didn't knw if she was there for him or his roomie, so figured she was of no importance. I have told him b4 that I know he is going to date and to not have my daughter in bed with u and another woman. abt 20 min later, when im home she called (his phone). Saying did he tell u he had a gf and we live together. I said no. she started talking about how she felt I needed to know in case there were any probs. I said (still very calm) why r u calling me? she said he told me to. I said put him on the phone. He says he felt it had no relavance. I said who you have my child around is of relavance, I don't care what u do in your personal life but i would like to know ppl that she will be around, especially if they live there, of course I won't know every woman but I expect every woman not to meet my child either. she was yelling at him abt this, I asked where is the baby. she was right there. so i said u all are arquing in front of her. I said i don't like her in that environment im coming to get her, which i did. now when i got over there, he came out, she did also after him. just yabbing yabbing yabbing. I said no disrespect but I need to speak with my daughter's father, I could care less about your relationship but thanks for letting me know since u felt i needed to. she kept talking and I asked her twice to excuse herself. she said u all can talk with me here. i was getting upset bc all this is unneccessary. She was making a scene. I said if and when u become mrs only then will u become a part of a conversation about our child until then u have nothing to say to me. He went in the hse to get the carseat, him and I stood by the car and talked for a while. He is telling me to trust his judgement, which I normally do, but u can't even be truthful about who is living with you I have never even seen this woman, she is new on the scene (to my knowledge) it would be different if u have been around a while. u are more afraid I will be upset, I have told him our relationship is separate from the one u have with your daughter so even if i am upset with him, i have never taken it out on my baby and his relationship. I feel he sets the precedence on what my daughter will accept from a man, I don't want her seeing him with several women bc I don't want her to think thats okay. I don't know how to proceed. am i blowing this out of proportion? she is making a scene over something small, isn't it usually the babys mom who starts drama? I think I have handled myself very calmly but I feel very disrespected. what should i do?

Answer 1

Jesus wall-o-text. . . Spell check please. . Well anyway it seems like you are blowing this a little out of proportion, though no1 can trust a stranger being around their child . .  You should realize that you are both going to have new boyfriends and girlfriends in and out of your life and the child is going to see that anyway. . And she is starting drama because she most likely feels threatened by you being in his life in anyway as she probably just wants him to herself . . Well its kind of hard to understand the question fully its more like reading a rank than a paragraph truly seeking advice

Answer 2

You aren't being a drama queen. Your baby may not remember specific things, but the environment it grows up in will shape the kind of person it turns out to be. You're right, she has no say in your baby's welfare. That doesn't mean it isn't her business though. She is living with the father, but any and all information should be relayed through him to her. She has no actual part in any conversation involving your child. BTW, she sounds like a b****.

Also, when it comes to your baby, I don't think you can just "blow things out of proportion". Your child is a human being that you only get one shot at raising. Make it count.

Answer 3

My suggestion is to allow the father to come visit his daughter on YOUR turf... and by himself.  After some time, if he is still with the same woman, than maybe you will feel more comfortable allowing your daughter to be with them alone.  I applaud you for not shutting the door on him, and allowing him interaction with the baby.  Good luck with your decisions.

Answer 4

I fail to see where "several women" come into the picture.

It just seems to be this one.

What if you decided to date?

Would you feel offended if your ex called and gave you the third degree.

It was a very responsible of them to call you and let you know something about her relationship.

They didn't have to do that.

She's 8 months old. She isn't going to remember seeing Daddy with a girlfriend.

You've made what could be an amicable relationship into a mess.

They had made an attempt to reassure you and your mistake was making them regret it.

You have to fix it because now it's on you.

I don't know the woman, but do you really want his girlfriend around your child now that she resents you?

Think clearly. I know you still love him, but try to make a time to sit down and talk. The baby won't be 8 months old forever.

She may be the future Mrs. In that case, she will have a say in what goes on to an extent.

Good luck to you!

Answer 5

well i had a similar situation a while back with my now husband. he had left me and would come pick up the kids. well his girlfriend who he lived with would tell my kids to call her mommy. i didnt like her or her personality. so basically i wouldnt let him see the kids unless he came to my house. i would always leave of course for the day or a night but i didnt want my kids to have anything to do with her. you need to protect your kids and if she is causing that much drama maybe he hasnt picked a mature girlfriend and doesnt have as good as judgement as he thinks. you do what you feel best for your daughter. if he loves her he would agree as well. she has no business being in your business with him.  

Answer 6

You are blaming others for drama & not seeing how you are the drama queen. (1) you picked this man to be your husband (2) you picked this person to be the father of your child (3) you picked to have rules as to when you would break up with him (4) it was your choice to break up instead of working things out for the sake of keeping things together for your child.........are you starting to see how you are accusing others for making drama & not at all seeing your part in it at all? You have made decisions that are not respectful to you or your child. They are the structure. You built this structure. Now that you have created this the only thing I can suggest to you is that you open up to learn why you are making this kinds of decisions. I coach people & this helps people who want to take responsibilty for their life. I suggest you hire a life coach or some kind of therapist to help you look at your thinking. Your thinking creates how you will act. The way you act creates what will happen in your life.