How to handling a 2 yr old that doesn't care?

Question

I have a 2 1/2 year old son. He is very active and very bull headed.

He does what ever he wants despite the rules, I am a SAHM so I know he's not picking up these bad behaviors from other kids.

What it comes down to is he doesn't care what I say or do. Yes I watch him constantly but if he thinks the reward is greater then the punishment he doesn't care.

I have tried spanking, it doesn't phase him. In fact he has even laughed.

I have tried getting in his face, making him look at me as I tell him no. He will fuss over that some times but it barely slows him down.

I have tried time out, he will not stay put, I have to forcibly hold him down and he will hurt me. Kicking, hitting, scratching, headbutting what ever will get me to let go. I do my best to never let go but he has given me bruises and bloody noses. One day my husband and I took turns holding him down (I know it sounds like abuse, we were not hurting him, just his pride) for over and hour and a half before he fell asleep! Over and over we told him, if you just calm down we will let you go. In response we got "Go You" guess what that means.

Taking away toys works only if he is being bad with that toy (running it into something).

I have read "Love and Logic" I think its c**p and my reasons behind that is a whole nother thread.

I want a well behaved child, I work very very had to stay firm and not give in. I am here all the time so I know his rules are always consistent but I have to follow him around from morning to night to keep him in line.

This kid has no fear and truly doesn't care what his father or I think or do. Right now 'no' is his favorite word, but I know that's common at this age but this behavior is not a new phase in development.

My husband and I have had many talks on how to handle him, we have tried many things. Now I am looking for help outside of what we can come up with.

I am not looking for flamers that tell me I am a bad mom, to just grow up or that I need to discipline my child. I am asking advice on how to discipline a bull headed stubborn child.

As an example of his no fear, this 34 inch child jumped out a 6 foot window and went to do it again! I have hid behind a wall to see how far he will wonder of and he doesn't stop, he takes the opportunity and runs.

He's speech is a bit behind, and he has been alittle slow on all his milestones, but I don't think this is the problem.

If you have any questions I will be happy to fill in the blanks. Thank you for taking the time to read and answer this. I truely want to end this behavior before he starts preschool, I know the schools in my area will push me to put him on drugs. Not only do I not believe in that I don't think its the problem.

Answer 1

You may want to see if he has that disorder where  he doesn't feel pain. That may be an issue.

For time outs--put a pack'n play (if he can climb, then a crib with a crib tent) in the corner of a room and put him there for time outs.  

Answer 2

Wow. You certainly have your hands full. I have seen a lot of 2 year olds like this in the many day cares I have worked at.  He is testing you in every way he can.   Most of the time they outgrow it. But in your case...I know this will sound a bit corny,  but check out Supernanny's books. She has some really solid techniques and she is not pretentious or preachy.  She uses mostly reward based systems.  Maybe take him to a child psychologist.  I say this because that window episode is a bit scary.  Good luck.

Answer 3

when   he  tells  you   no  you   pick   him  up  and    put  him   in  his  room  and    close  the    door   tightly  until  he  calms  down

Answer 4

It sounds like you are trying and that is the important part in my book.

The only thing I can think of is some advice I just gave. Start each day with quality time. It worked for me when my children wouldn't listen. If I was really busy, we just read a book. For some reason, they listened better all day long.

Hopefully, he will outgrow this phase. I know some children that have. Good luck. Sorry I don't have more.  

Answer 5

The way he wanders off without looking back actually means you have given him enough love and he's sure you're watching.  I have a twenty month old that does the same.  She's also fearless and will climb/ jump and explore.  Are you giving him enough yes's?  Do you have alot of rules?  He may be confused.  It seems you say no to him alot.  Milestones aren't a problem if he's just a little behind.  You may also not know but if he was premature, he will hit those late anyway.  I think you might be too frustrated with him.  I do this wonderful trip to the public library where my little girl can mingle and run around with kids her age in a safe area while I chat with other parents.  It gives us both relief from being cooped up together.  Good luck!  Also, most doctors are quick to label children as ADD or ADHD. My nephew is now finding out at 13 that he was misdiagnosed at age 6.  Just think of all the wrong medicine he took over the years.  I think you may need to be around other parents with their children to see just how normal he really might just be.

Answer 6

If he's laughing while your spanking him then spank harder, they usually laugh it isn't hard.  Turn the lights off in your bathroom and lock him in there for a couple minutes (or a closet), it seems like he loves attention. Just lock him in there disable the lights and wait, he won't get any attention and only let him out when he says sorry and stays calm.

Also let him do stupid stuff, if he get hurts let him cry. This is rough because they only learn first hand, they have to learn  that jumping from a high point will hurt!

Also here's a cool little trick if he's trying to be rough with him poke him in the neck, I tried that on my nephew and it worked well. It's a dominance thing, don't go down to his level or else he thinks he could win the fight but it's not a fight it's the law. Back to the poke in the neck thing, just poke him in the neck and make a ssssssssss sound everytime you do it, when he's calm and quiet stop.

Answer 7

My son who is 2 started to do the same things. I do not know if this will work for you, but try to keep an open mind. When my son would hit me I would get down to his level and tell him that hitting mommy was not accectable and would put him in his notty spot. If he got up while he was in time out I would not talk to him and take him by the arm back to the notty spot. My son has to stay in the notty spot for 2 minutes. It took my son awhile to get the hang of the notty spot, but pretty son he came around. One more thing is if he is crying and throwing a fit while in the notty spot stay firm and ignore the behavior(or at least act like it). It should get easier after awhile but you have to stick to your guns. At the same time make sure to praise you son for what he does right. I think that he is testing his limits with you. I wish you all the best

Answer 8

Hitting isn't an answer unless you are trying to teach him how to hit when he gets angry.  Your two year old is acting just like a two year old.  Taking away toys isn't going to work because he knows he will get them back.  "Trying" time out isn't going to work.  You have to use it consistently obviously you gave up and began hitting him. His behavior is that of a two year old child and you are expecting him to behave as an adult.  He isn't a miniature adult he is barely more than a baby.  No is his favorite word because he hears it all day...he has no idea what it means, again he is only two years old.  You "want" a well behaved child and damned you got yourself a normal run of the mill two year old.  You whine about having to follow him around...lady you have a two year old...following him around all day is part of the job of parenting.  If you didn't want to be a parent why did you bother having a child?

Answer 9

It sounds as though you have a classic attention deficit kid - and while no parent wants to put their child on drugs, it is almost the only way to alter his behaviour. If he's like this at 2 1/2, think what he'll be like at 16, when he's bigger than you and can't be held down. Further, no teacher is going to even attempt to cope with this type of behaviour.

Sorry, but your son needs a few sessions with a child psychologist and so do you and your husband, to learn how to deal with this. And if it means drugs, just thank your lucky stars that there are drugs than can be effective.

PS - I have a grandson who is FAS and has serious attention and focus problems. With medication, he's a sweet tempered child, and despite the limitations of an FAS child, pleasant to have around. Without, he's a holy terror.  

Answer 10

thank god i am not alone here i have a 2 year old that does the same thing he does not mine me at all. my son hit me pulled my hair. i think when there that age they are testing you. i went to the library and got some dvds on discipline its called 123 magic. i'm sorry i am not much help i am going though the same thing. god bless you good luck.