How to have a successful marriage?

Question

I have a known my husband for 8 year and been married for a year and month. And I love my husband, but I feel like something is missing. He spends most of his time by himself whether on the computer or playing video games. When I confront him he says this is who he has always been so don't expect him to change. I feel like we are more like roommates except we sleep in the same bed. Is this normal? Maybe I was expecting a marriage that my parents and grandparents have. Where they do things together most of the time.

Answer 1

My grandparents got married at 17 & 20. There secret was life long commitement to each other, when the going got tough, they stuck it out together for BETTER OR WORSE, in SICKNESS or in HEALTH, they did things they loved together, there was equal respect, basically they loved each other for over 60 years no matter what happend they had each other to count on

Answer 2

my husband changed dramatically when we met. he was with a w***e that cheated on him all the time, so he spent a lot of time in his room on the computer playing games and getting drunk. when we met, he totally turned around, he wanted to spend all his time with me. and here we are 2 years later, the same way. no 2 marriages are the same. if he wants to be alone, suggest to him things you can do together. maybe he thinks that you are boring and doing anything with you will suck. I learned that in order to have a good marriage, you should consider your partner to be your best friend. someone you could confide anything in.  i def feel like my hubby is my best friend, even before we got married. if he loves you and wants to keep you, he will do things with you, but you have to respect his gaming time also lol

Answer 3

Once you begin to feel like your spouse is a roommate it is time to move on.  He is not there for you and never will be.  He is being very selfish.  Find someone you deserve in life.

Answer 4

This really gets me mad. You married a guy who was a certain way and then you get upset that he is that way. What is wrong with you? That's like a guy marrying a heavy flat-chested girl and then complaining she's not thin with big b***s.

"Oh, but I thought he'd change" is lame and unfair.  

Answer 5

Both of you have to leave everything behind, all the other people you know and  talk to everyday or get influenced by and live only for your marriage. Then when you have a happy marriage you can go back and visit those people or invite them to visit you.  

Answer 6

Its simple...too many recievers marrying recievers.....

Too many selfish people marrying today that are all about themselves and what they need...that is clouds their mond to what their spuse needs. If you both are expecting to recieve...and dont give...its not going to work out

love is self sacraficing...this is why old marraiges worked...it was slef sacraficing. dont worry about what you need but rahter focus on your partners needs....if both are on the same page wiht this...your marraige will last.

but if you have two recievers or one giver and one reciever...it is not going to work...look at the divorce rate today...people are just too selfish and into what they need and want....its impossible.....when you have two recievers....or just one giver....

Both need to focus on giving...

Answer 7

Was he like this before you got married?  

Answer 8

marriage is all about love,trust, and compromise. i think you should seriously sit down and have  chat with your husband. ask himto limit his time on the computer..

Answer 9

well a successful marriage is as successful as you make it...well most ppl men and women have some kind of stress relife..when doing this they for get about everything at work or home..his is the computer or video games...lots of guys do this with other guys at the bar or golf course or car races..but there should be things that you do share together..first off good commucations is need this will help with every thing from work things to s*x things...commucation is what helps a make a good marriage not judging each other not keeping score or wrongs or rights..at least he is home not out running around...some guys are hooked on tv. sports...every woman has some kind of complaints about her man and every man has some kind of complaints about his wife you just have to keep every thing in check...no guy is perfect on woman is perfect...you just have to make up your mind this is who i chose and this is who im staying with...good luck

Answer 10

I think men find adjusting to marriage a lot more difficult than women.  Did you live together before you were married?  My husband and I didn't and I never realized how much time he spent on the computer or playing video games.  He still does spend the time but we've talked about it and he knows that it's important for us to spend quality time together as well, so he's learned to cut back a little.  It takes time tho.  We've been married six months and are just now figuring out a happy medium.

He wasn't used to living with anyone who required his time and attention, so he didn't know that spending 5 hours a night on the computer wasn't acceptable.  

But we've tried to compromise.  I have my own computer in the same room as his and he has gotten me a few PC games I may like so that we can play "together" and at least be in the same room and able to talk.  Or I grab a book and sit near him and read.  Other times I'm somewhere else in the house doing something, and one of us will always come into the room and say hi and then go back to whatever we were doing.

But it was a reoccuring discussion and took a lot of time to figure out.

Answer 11

Most men just don't want to be around a woman all the time. If you love him, you'll just have to accept this, but, I would tell him that it would mean a lot to you if he made an effort to keep things interesting, like a date night or a shared hobby that you could look forward to on a regular basis. While no one should have to give up doing things they like to do because they got married, one should make an effort to make the marriage work if they expect it to last.

Answer 12

If he doesn't want to spend time with you he is probably bored with you and your marriage.

Answer 13

What your husband is going to have to realize is that when you get married you are no longer you and I , but both of you together are 'we'.  It appears that he's being selfish (maybe he hasn't realized that one very important point).  Suggest counseling if he won't really listen to how you feel.  Having a successful marriage takes effort on a daily basis.  It will never be a piece of cake.......but you have to appreciate and treasure the good days and work on the arguments/bad times.  No, it is not normal, you all should be best friends.  I wish you the best of luck...try to hang in there.  Marriage is very sacred (I only hope your husband gets it sooner than later).