How to he deal with 7 yr old getting mad and withdrawing?

Question

My husband has been upset because latly his son (my stepson) has been getting upset when asked to do certain things or not getting his way. He shuts down,goes to his room or says something like "I dont have to do it at my moms house" when it comes to reading or other homework he asks him to do. He even sometimes draws the silence out very long and then brings up things like he misses his mom or his grandma. Like it branches off from anger to sadness. He told him the other day he wanted to kill himself! My husband doesnt know how to handle it. If it is an attention thing or if there is a deeper problem. We know he gets alot of material thing at his moms and is doted on there. Honlestly he has never done this with me. I am with him alot when my husband is at work. Is it a pushing buttons thing with his dad or something more serious?

Answer 1

it may be possible his mother has a borderline personality, and your stepson is copying those traits. She may do things or give him things and say something like 'i bet your father doesnt give you this.'

It may be attention.. and the best thing to do when a child says they want to kill himself is to ask why... if there is an emo answer (i hate my life, everyone hates me,  no one understands me) then it is probably a cry for attention (something may be going on that he wants you to help him without him having to say it.) attention doesnt always mean attention w***e....

if the answer is trivial... (i knocked my crayons down, i failed my test) or he runs off and withdraws then there may be some psych problems starting...

you may want to have a talk with his teachers to see whats up, and if there is a difference between his behavior when he spends a day with his mom, and spends a day with his dad. or if he seems to have an extreme hatred towards one parent then most likely the other parent is telling him these things.

I was in his situation (almost to a tee) when I was a kid. I did at eight try to kill myself by taking a bottle of aspirin, I would have died if I didnt pass out outside. My mom was telling me horrible things about my father  and would over hear my father and step mom talking about my mom,and I didnt know who to trust... so I wanted to die because I felt like I had to pick a parent and couldnt. Now I'm an adult, have no mental issues (went through EMDR therapy) and havent seen my mom in years. I didnt know how to ask for help because I was scared.. so I just kept going down and down

Answer 2

Maybe he is still having problems coping with the separation and divorce of his parents.  This is one of the most traumatic things a child has to live through.    It's also quite hard on a 7-year-old going from house to house, and it's possible that he really does miss his Mom when he's at his Dad's house.

Some counseling might help, to get him to come to terms with his sadness.  You sound like a very considerate and thoughtful stepmom.  Hopefully you have a fairly decent relationship with his mother, and the three adults in his life can work together to help him feel more comfortable.

Answer 3

I suggest that your husband and his son's mother get together and come up with a set of rules that applies to BOTH homes.  The problem is that this child lives with two seperate sets of rules and he is confused!  He is  a child he isn't equipped to differintiate his emotions between his mother's and his father's homes besides a child needs CONSISTENCY to grow up properly even if the parents no longer live together.  What the parents feel for one another should not have ANY bearing on how they raise their child.