How to help an 11 year old greive the loss of his father and mother.?

Question

Starting Sunday I will be taking a young boy to church with me, He lost his father last Sunday and has already lost his mother (years ago, I don't know the details) and will be living with his aunt and uncle in the same town.

When I saw him he appeared to be up beat and unphased by his dads death more smiley than normal.

Is it healthy to not greive? What can help this little boy know it's okay to greive?

I don't want to get mooshy on him, if I can help it.

Answer 1

you should give him time to heal    then he might open up a little more

Answer 2

dont push him to talk about his feelings, the reality may not have sunk in yet. Just make sure he knows that you are there for him if he needs you. Dont smother him, but let him know you care. Its all about balance in these situations. Just because he seems fine on the outside doesnt mean he is fine on the inside...it could all be an act to show others that he isnt falling apart when actually, he is. Keep an eye on him.

Answer 3

People grieve in many different ways, whether it be in open, or not.

If he's happy openly, let him be happy!

Answer 4

He needs to grieve but Christ won't help. You need to be patient and let him finally see that things are different. Will you, in 1 or 2 years, be there for him when he finally FEELS the pain of his loss? Probably not. You'll have thought that Christ blessed him already and he has no reason for it.

Just let him cry and grieve on jis own terms.

Answer 5

Of course he's grieving. Everyone does it in a different way. Just show empathy if he wants to talk or cry about it in your presence.

Answer 6

You might call the local hospice office and see if they have any support groups just for kids who have lost a loved one.  Also you might just ask them for advice.  

Kudos to you for taking him to church with you!

Answer 7

I really think that this link would help you a great deal

http://www.soulofadoption.com/forum

http://www.informedadoption.com/forum

Join them.

Answer 8

Hi,

let that boy happy he is not mature much to know these things when he'll get mature na then he'll understand everything so just be there for him if he needs anything make sure you are there for him

Answer 9

Just be there to support him, acknowledge his loss and explain to him that he can come to you if he needs any help.

The fact that he is not showing emotion does not mean he is not grieving. There will be moments throughout his life when he will suddenly become overwhelmed by the fact that his parents are not there anymore. He will then do a lot of grieving. So by telling him that you will try to understand what he is going through and offering your support he will feel comfortable about grieving and not ashamed of his feelings. Don't push him to feel sad or anything, he will feel that himself at some stage. All he needs are friends and relatives who will be by his side when he needs comfort and help. He may also have questions about his parents later on. About how they met, how they died etc etc and it would help to have someone who can answer him honestly.

Answer 10

I would say to "let thing lie" for the first couple of weeks while you get to know him.  Things are probably still sinking in, and he won't want to "break down" in front of you before he trusts you.  If you can, see if you and your husband can spend some time with him outside of church.  Since his aunt and uncle have now become (in essence) "mom and dad", maybe it would be nice if you and your hubby could sort of take on an "aunt and uncle" role in his life.  It's not much, but it saves him from losing that one extra diminsion in life.  

After that, the only thing you can really do is let him talk when he is ready.  You can ask a few leading questions (but don't pour them on too thick, no more than one or two on any given day) about "What sorts of things did you used to do on <insert holiday here>?" or "Where was your favorite vacation to?" or even "Do you have any favorite memories of your mom?".  If the grave site is nearby, you may even offer to drive him to the cemetary every once in a while, if he wants to go.  

Aside from that, all you can do is listen when he talks and when he finally does decide to open up to you.  Have you ever seen the movie "Raising Helen?".  If not, you might want to rent it.  It's true Hollywood of course, but it might give you some ideas.  

I've worked with children for years now.  They all react very differently to every situation, and can be both amazingly resilient and amazingly fragile at the same time.  All you can do is listen and try to be supportive.