How to help my 9 year old deal with mean peolpe?

Question

My daughter is in 4th grade. She is very smart, sweet and outgoing. She has many friend and is active in sports. But there are these 2 girls that are just mean to her. They would be nice to her one day and then pick on her the next. They come up to her and tell her they dont like or will tell other girls not to be friends with her even call her names. The first incident 3 of them bullied her and she came home crying. I spoke to the parents and teacher, they responded with "you know how girls are" This time I try talking to my daughter but she seems so sad any suggestions on how to help or deal with this situation? And my daughter still tries to hard to be their friends I just dont understand.

Answer 1

Teach her how to fight...

Answer 2

Talk to the parents agian and inform them that the police CAN be called in situations like this.Let them know that if it continues you will call them and the CDS and tell her that you don't know what is going on in thier home for thier children to be acting like this but some else can find out.

Answer 3

Ignoring them and not giving them a reaction is her best defense.  They want to upset her/isolate her.

Plan something fun...bowling, etc. and she can take a group of girls.  The bullies are not invited.  It may send a message.  

And encourage a new friendship or two with some new girls on her teams.

Answer 4

i had  the same problem with my 9 year old son. i finally told him just to stay as far away from the jerks as possible. not try to be their friend and just try to ignore it. as long as she has some good solid friendships she'll be ok. it's hard to hear about your baby getting pooped on at school, but it happens and it might even get worse as they go into middle school and high school. just be there for her and be a good listener. you don't have to actually solve the problem for her, let her figure it out for herself. bullies are insecure about themselves so they try to  make others feel bad too. just keep reminding her how great she is and that she is better than those bullies and she should take the high road and ignore them. they'll stop eventually when they find a  new victim.

Answer 5

I dont have much advice, but watch the movie "Odd Girl Out". The girls in the movie are probably in the 8th grade, but it shows what you can do and stuff like that. However, in my opinion, teach her to grow a backbone and stand up for herself. They just do it because they know it hurts her.

Answer 6

This is so difficult for a parent.  Your insinct is to protect your child, but unless the others are doing physical harm to your daughter, you have to let her deal with it.  This is a learning process for her and a valuable lesson to be able to deal with other people who are not nice to her.  She will have to put up with that her whole life, so she will have to learn eventually.

Answer 7

You know how girls are is one of the most ignorant expressions in all of the world.  THIS is how girl's bully--socially.  My advice to you and your daughter is that she not try to be friends with these girls, because you cannot be friends with everyone and she seeks out strong bonds of friendship with others in her class and during free times and transitions where she is most vulnerable to bullying, seek out those friends for protection.  Fighting as the previous person suggested is a poor decision because then your daughter gets into trouble and it teaches a poor coping strategy for the future.  There are a ton of great resources on the web about bullying and how to help the situation both for you and your daughter.  I've listed a few below to find helpful suggestions.  It's a tough situation and I hope that your daughter comes out of this the better person and knows deep inside that she is far too good for those people.  Also, please talk to your school's psychologist, guidance counselor, or social worker in addition to an administrator to help intervene in this situation.  Don't let them dismiss you and say its just girls being girls, because that's just adults being uninformed on how girls bully.  If you'd like, download one of the handouts from the web about girls and bullying to bring in for their information if you keep getting that response.

Answer 8

I am having the same problem with my 9 year old daughter.  It is only one girl, but that one girl rules all the others.  My daughter and this girl used to be great friends, but my daughter has really taken off in her academics, and in competitve dancing and the other girl is really into sports, so they drifted apart.  But now the other girl is telling other girls not to pay with my daughter and she too is really sad and upset.  I have let her have her best friend come over as much as possible, and we even got the school counselor involved.  It has helped some, but I really think that the parents are a big part of the problem, and yes I spoke with them also.  Sorry this probably was no help at all!

Answer 9

You just need to explain to her in clear english that these girls do not determine her future. They don't have to be friends with her. I went through middle-school getting picked on and bullied the whole time. It gets stressful but it makes you a better individual and it makes you know how people are so when she gets older, she will not be dependent on her friends. It may seem stressful to her and to you, but continue to listen to her and take it all in and just be real with her. She is old enough now to understand the truth.

Answer 10

teach her how to defend her self