How to help my child cope with losing her dad?

Question

My child is 6 yrs old we lost her father my husband last December to natural causes He was only 27 but had ruptured aneurysmof the brain it was immediate and we had no time to prepare her for his death ....it has been 6 months and she is dealing a little better but still has some spurs of acting out I hate to disipline her because of the situation ..When she does get into trouble she screams and cries for her father and then I feel bad although I do not go back on my punishment I still feel horrible. I tried to do the counciling through the school but they were the least bit interested since his death finances are hard and we haven't got the money for me to get her into some counciling if anyone has ever been in my situation please help me help my child ...please no mean answers the situation is still touchy ....Thanks

Answer 1

I lost both of my parents when I was very young and the best thing to do is to be strong and firm becuase if you are not she cna rebelle later ..

Answer 2

I lost my dad when I was 12 and I didnt get to say good bye.  My mom tried to get me to go see someone but I refuse to talk to them because I felt that this person doesnt know me or what I was going thru.  I was bitter for a very very long time and I still to this day find it hard.  I am 29 now and I think about him every single day.  Make sure that you talk about him keep pictures around of him and tell them stories.  help her write him letters , draw pictures and pray to him.  I know it might sound funny but even thu he is not he in person he does hear her and you .  Its ok to be mad sad cry and yell,  just dont force her to do somthing she is not ready for.  I have a picture hanging on my wall of my dad and people always ask what that is all about.  I am proud of my dad and I love him and miss him like crazy.  Its not far when someone is taken from us so fast and sudden,  but if you think about would your husband have been happy laying in a hospital My father would have gone crazy.  It will over time get a little easier but the memories of that day will always be with her and you.  so talk about good time and dont dwell on the bad.  I hope this helps you and her out just a little.

Answer 3

I lost my big sister to cancer.Every-night i cry myself to sleep.Sharp  the hospital may have some......services.... I lost her when I was 11.

Answer 4

I'm so sorry for you both, my dad died when i was 10 years old and my mum said i was pure evil! tantrums screaming fits you name it, i even told my mum i hated her and wished her dead, she never showed i had hurt her i just remember her walking away, she must have had the patience of a saint for what i put her through, she did say it was hard as she was hurting to, but at that age i thought it was only me and nobody else cared,

          i remember she took me to special places that we use to have good times with my dad that helped and it was great, she encouraged me to still write fathers day and birthday cards and Christmas cards and never forget, i had a photo in my room of me and my dad and the brightest star every night i would say goodnight to, i also use to talk to him loads, looking back she was right, when my mum died my daughter was only nine and reacted similar i just did what my mum did for me and it helped her no end! money isn't important, what is, is love and support and to reassure her that you are not going anywhere that was one of my worries when dad died that one day i would come home from school and she wasn't there, just try and keep to routine it will get easier just don't be too hard on her shes only a baby, good luck and take care i hope this helps a little

Answer 5

I lost my father to a car accident when i was four years old..It was the worst thing ever...knowing that your daddy isnt gonna come walking back through the door and giving you all the love a daddy can....Its a tough process..and i still greive for the one i lost...alls i can say is to love her sometimes she will need disipline and its prolly gonna hurt but its got to be understood by her that acting out isnt gonna make things better.... it helped me alot just being loved and doing things with my mom and family when he died.... it still hurts and maybe talking about it would help..it still seems to help me and im 17 years old now.... maybe try talking with her get a smile on her face its always good to remember the good times that were had with her father... maybe get her to get out of the house and to friends more ...my best friend briana talked me through alot and we're still best friends to this day...sometimes alls it takes is talking show her that you're there and that when she is ready to talk you are ready to listen... hold her tight and help her always keep her dad close to her heart... friends and family truly help and talking does to when shes ready...but be ready to show some sort of understanding...not necessarily sympathy..its not just her whose suffered a loss...i bet you both prolly need each other right now more than either of you know...

Answer 6

I am sorry for your loss.  I did lost my son too a couple of years ago and I was worried about how his brothers would cope.  Do you to go to a church?  It would be nice for your child to mingle with other kids so she could divert her thoughts to other things.  When she asked you, tell her that "Daddy's in heaven and GOD needed him there & GOD will be taking care of us."  Please try to help her as much as you can that she may not grow up with an angry behavior in life.  Complement her in every little thing that she did good.

Check out this cake kits which I am sure you and your kid will have a fun time preparing.  Copy and paste it in your browser:

www.cakefulthoughts.com

Answer 7

I faced a similar situation when my husband died. My sons were 3 and 5 yrs. old. I answered their questions and tried to keep them busy and dealt with their feelings as things came up.

I would not punish her for acting out, she is releasing her grief in the only ways she knows.

I would encourage her to express her feelings and let her ask questions. She may be angry that her father left her because she doesn't understand why this happened, perfectly understandable.

Answer 8

I'm 11 and my dad died last year.  Crying is okay. I wanted to cry for a while before my mom went to 'cheer me up'.  Its okay to cry in front of her.

Answer 9

I found it helpful to have a "place" where I could always "reach" my father - a journal, or a scrapbook of my memories.  It was really comforting.  Also, if you have some of his shirts on hand you could find someone to make you a quilt from the fabrics for her to keep with her at night.  Something that is a tangible, physical piece of her father (and your husband).

Answer 10

First let me say that I am so sorry for your and your daughters loss.  Kids deal with grief so much differently than adults do, and its hard to tell what they might do from one minute to the next.  I liked the idea that someone else posted about making a quilt for her out of your husbands old shirts.  Also, maybe you could make a special scrapbook for her that has only pictures of her and dad doing things together or pictures of her dad smiling.  You can get stickers and stuff to use at the dollar tree, so it could be really affordable.  You could make a big deal out of the scrapbook, about how it is only hers...that way she could feel like she has something to remember him this is hers and only hers, and she could use that as a way to remember him in a happy way.  I know that this is probably still very hard for you both, but let her know that you are hurting just like she is, and that you can help each other get through it, and that she can always come to you if she has questions about why, or just wants to talk about her dad.  As she gets older, you could encourage her to keep a journal (you could really even do that now, except you could have her draw pictures of what she is feeling as opposed to writing).  Also, you might check with your local YMCA and see if they have any support groups in your area that you could attend together.

Answer 11

Time and reassurance from you. My little sister was only 10 when my mom died (I was 24) and it took her a long time to get over it, because it always seemed just when she was doing better it was Mothers Day, or she saw a mom and daughter together. And honestly it took me 3 years or so before I did not cry often over it. My mom died a long slow death (cancer) and those images were hard to get out of my sisters head. And I have to believe the shock of it happening suddenly would be just as bad if not worse. I understand couseling is really expensive. Try to find some books on how to help kids. My sister went to a camp called Woodleaf (they are in Ca.) that was for kids who have lost parents, I know she loved that and I dont think it was that expensive,  they had couselors there to help. You could call DSHS or Hospice and see if they know of anything like that.

My step dad felt the same way you do about punishng her, he felt so guilty etc. so he let her get away with a lot. She is now 22 and is having a very hard time, because in reality everyone expects to act her age, and they do not cater to her the way he has. She is a good girl does not drink etc. but is very self centered and wants everything right now because she did not have to wait or earn things like most kids. He did not have tons of money, but when she would cry she would get her way. She has a rough road ahead of her and of course I will be here to help her, but in my opinion he did her no favors by treating her like this, she has a lot of growing up to do.

So even though it is hard and she really is hurting over her father do not let her use it to get her own way. I worry so much about my sister and a lot of it could have been avoided it he had toughened up a little. I know easier said than done. I wish you both the best of luck.

Another thing I did for myself was I had a box of keepsakes, and on Mothers Day for at least 3 years I still bought her a card signed it and kept it in the box, you could let her do something similar. My sister also took 3 of my moms t-shirts and slept in them for years, it was one little way of having her with her.

Answer 12

You might be able to find a support group through this website:

http://www.griefnet.org/support/sg2.html

I lost my Dad when I was 21, I cannot imagine how hard it must be for you and your daughter.

Some important things would be for her to know that she is not alone (that is where a support group might help), and that you are there for her.

She may also feel like you may just "go away" and die at any point so she may not want to be close to you either.

Explore your options.  If the school won't help you, look into social services in your town/city/state.

And one piece of advice - don't ever tell her that you are now both her Mom & Dad (I'm still mad at my mother for saying that to me!)

Answer 13

There should be free counseling with the school or in your neighborhood.  My niece is going to free counseling.  All you can do is be there for you child and tell her that her daddy is watching over her and smiling down upon her.