How to help my mother over her fear of horses...?

Question

When she was younger, she had such a bad fall, she was in the hospital for 6 months, and almost died. Now she wont go near horses, which is perfectly understandable. I have taken it up, and am in love with it! I would love to be able to ride with my mom, and have her come to lessons, and shows and stuff, but she gets to nervous. What would be the best thing to do in order to get her riding again? There are mother daughter riding get aways, and i would love to go! Keep in mind this accident happened 20 years ago... But she was really good and i dont think she should give it up! Help?

Answer 1

Well the best way to get over her fear is to be surrounded by it. Ask the barn owner for the calmest horse in the barn and bring your mum to see it and keep her visiting it. Then when she isn't nervous brushing it and leading it around then get her on him. Really though your mum is going to have to want to do this so you are going to have to persuade her, I would suggest guilt because you can't do the mother daughter getaways.

Answer 2

I would not harass your mother to ride with you since she has a strong fear.  Just encourage her to watch you and give you her support.  If she decides to try and ride later on, it has to be her decision.

Answer 3

My mother is afraid to, she had an accident a million years ago tho, she was very young.  I bought her minis which did help get over the complete fear of them.  I still cant get her to ride and we have had horses most my life.  You mom has to be the one who decides this is for her, i dont think my mother will ever get back on...I'm shocked when i see her walk into the horses corrals.

Answer 4

i dont think you can help... i would never ride if that happened to me but you can tell her to watch you ridecuz she wont have to ride just watch you to ride and maybe if you b after she sees how awesome you are then you can convince her

Answer 5

You can't force her to do anything...but you should like BEG her to go to your stable and show her a horse that you think she will bond with...she will eventually learn that that was ONE horse and that not all horses are like that...GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 6

Oh you absolute sweetie!!!

Almost 3 years ago I had a terrible crash off my daughters pony. Not as bad as your Mum, but I was a year recovering and had 4 major operations.

And like your Mum I totally lost my nerve. I could catch the ponies and my hack, but couldn't even pick out their hooves. Fortunately my lovely blacksmith who is in his late 70's, was very bossy one day. There was no mucking around I was told where to stand, what to do. And made to pick up all the hooves several times that morning. Well his positive firm influence was the best thing. My brain must have been trying to protect my body.

(my blacksmith told me he even new of jockies who had lost the ability to be around horses after a bad fall.)

I have since been riding but not a great deal, until recently. I was out at a dressage competitoin, there I met a lady who I used to ride with in my youth. We were typical hoons and I went on to compete internationally so I could ride.

I explained what had happened, and with her big smile she rode her huge giant of a horse past me. Slid off passed me her helmet and said - here, get on! Once again someone being very firm. So I obeyed. Now her horse was full of himself prancing everywhere - but he listened to me.

Next week, something in my brain had changed again and I thought - I can do this. So in my own time, I took my hack out to the beach for a ride (I new he'd be a little nervous there, but not uncontrolable). I just went by myself, I wouldn't have been able to stand the presure of letting someone else down if he had been too stroppy and I decided not to ride.

And since then I've been out riding with my daughter. And yes I plan to go our trecking with her soon - middle of winter here.

I hope this has given you some hope....

I have read some articles about gaining confidence when riding. And positive thoughts. Keep an eye out for them in your local pony/horse magazines.

About your mum not being able to watch you. Get her to come and watch all the time when you are riding in a super safe enviroment. ie. flat lesson. Don't have her watching you jump, just let her brain see everything going okay. That will settle her nerves.

Once she see's how good you are (many times), then allow her to watch you doing something with a bit more speed or only jumping over the lowest of jumps. Let her see that you are safe doing this. Don't allow her to see you doing anything that she feels uncomfortable about.

Then eventually when she see's how safe you are she'll be happy watching you both being challenged.

Take her all the time, but have a magazine and tell her to go wait in the car while you do your jumping etc to begin with.

I did this with my daughter after my crash and it worked very well. I couldn't watch her doing anything challenging for a start. Recently I went and watched her hunting witht he hounds, her pony turned into a bull - but I could see that she was safe, her heels were deep and correct in the stirrups. Her position was excellent and she wasn't bothered about him being silly and cantering on the spot every now and then.

So as you can see, my brain had just had time to settle down and see the good things that were happening rather than the dangers. VERY BEST OF LUCK. Maybe Mum might like to read this... My daughter loves it when we ride together, last night she was most upset, but it was too cold for me to ride brrrrr.... I still went out and watched her.

PS. to help me with my hack, I have my neice ride him. That way I'm helping her out (she can't afford a horse) and she is helping me out by allowing me to keep my horse and ride when it suits me.

Answer 7

Your dad must take you to Horsebackriding lessons since your mom is afriad, so tell your mom that you and your dad are going to get something to eat or something else maybe your going to a place that she likes and she will say sure ill come cause she likes the place, and you would be going to horsebackriding lessons and then tell her to come with you to drop you off and if shes says no say come on please?? Also say if you love me you would be a loving mother and come to drop me, your daughter off?

Answer 8

She will only get over her fear when it's her idea to try.  Telling her how much you would enjoy it if she could ride with you is all you can do..the rest is up to her.