How to help my "insecure" wife feel more secure with her body? Does she trust me when I say she's beautiful?

Question

Looking at my wife, you would say she is a 10 out of 10. Nearly every we pass makes eyes at her, and so on. There is one things holding her back. It's her labia minora. She feels it is unattractive. She has felt like this her whole life. It makes her so insecure that if someone she feels is good looking is comes across the television for one second she looks at me to see if I am looking. I do not "check out other women." I am much in love with my wife and think she is the most beautiful girl I have ever met. I have told her that her body is very beautiful all over (and I am being honest). It boggles my mind that she does not think so but I know I have no control over how she views herself. I guess I just want to make her feel beautiful. Telling her does not do it, and the ways that I have tried to show her do not seem to work either. She hides it during s*x, and has only let me see it twice. We have been married almost a year and have been together for three years.

To add fuel to the fire I made a HUGE mistake. She really enjoys s*x a lot. Ideally, I think she wants to have it once a day. A few months ago, I tried to make myself be able to last longer at s*x by "servicing myself" when I could so that when we had s*x I would finish so fast. A few times I looked at p**n, and randomly one day she asked if I had ever watched p**n. I was open and honest and told her a few times and I told her why. I said that if it didn't make her comfortable I would not do it anymore. She said she didn't care as long as I'm happy. A few days later I did not delete my internet history and she saw what I was looking at. She did not see what it was, she just saw it was p**n and she flipped. She got so mad at me and said she wasn't enough and was very upset. I said (honestly) it was a rare thing and she said it was ok, and I only did it to last longer. I apologized again and again and she says she forgives me but will never forget it and feels like I almost cheated on her and that I used other women to "get-off".

I am in deep and I feel so bad. Now we have next to no s*x and I know its my fault. I'm such an idiot. And I'm truly sorry. Is there anything I can do? I just want to make her happy again.

I asked if we could go to counseling and she is totally 100% against it. There is no compromise here. And sorry, she is against surgery, too. In fact she rarely goes to her OB/GYN which is a major concern for me because I would like to know that she is healthy. Every time I bring it up she cries and says you know why I can't go. It is so tough, I don't know what to do.

She also had an experience with a brother's friends that tried to force himself on her when she was 13. To be specific, she said he was able to put his fingers in before she could get away. She said she thinks about it most times when I am trying to please her. I want to be supportive but I don't know how.

She also had an experience with a brother's friends that tried to force himself on her when she was 13. To be specific, she said he was able to put his fingers in before she could get away. She said she thinks about it most times when I am trying to please her. I want to be supportive but I don't know how.

Answer 1

You sound amazing, supportive, and wonderful. She is exactly what you need right now. Keep doing what you're doing -- talking to her honestly, suggesting that she speaks with a counselor (maybe alone, not with you). Just keep loving her.

But DON'T suggest surgery again! That's a superficial fix for an emotional problem.

And maybe inform her that a lot of women think "that" looks ugly. :) I think mine does!

Answer 2

i know you tell her this all the time, but tell her you love her for the way she is and wouldnt change anything about her.

and she feels like you cheated on her. you looked at another womans vage to get off. maybe she was fine with you not lasting that long because you were her and only her. now she might think that you are thinking of other women when you are making love. she feels betrayed.

i dont know how to make that better, but talk and tell her you wont do it anymore at all because you would never hurt her on purpose.

answer mine plz:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 3

Your wife was severely traumatized as a young girl.  She really needs to talk to someone about it. It has obviously left her feeling like she did something wrong or that she is a freak.  She is not, but she feels that way and you could write it in the sky that you love her and only her and she will not accept it because of how she feels inside.  Have a heart to heart with her and ask her what she would like for you to do to make her feel better about this.  Maybe you could shower her with a lot of attention that does not have to culminate with the s*x act.

As for her gyno, I find that a female was the best gyno that I have ever had.  She was younger than I was and did not have a judgmental face whenever I asked or told her anything.

Your a good husband, she is just probably so afraid that you don't really desire her that she over reacts to the p**n.

Peace

Answer 4

first off, let me just tell you that you are the kind of husband every single woman dreams about. :)

you are so supportive and understanding, you know what you've done wrong (the p**n...) which was actually an attempt to please her, and you're trying to make her feel as beautiful as she is. good man. :)

i know for a fact that every woman worries about how she looks "down under." i remember the first time my boyfriend offered to pleasure me orally. i was so self conscious about how i looked, that i refused to do anything sexual with him until we had been dating for almost a year. i know that you think that it's your fault that she has so many problems with the way she looks, but it's all her. it's really not fair to you that she can't accept your suggestions of visiting the ob/gyn and makes you feel so guilty all the time.

but you love her, and this is key. because you love her so much, you need to be patient with her. avoid pressuring her into anything that could possibly involve exposure of her less-than-desirable (in her mind) body part. patience with her insecurity will allow her to slowly trust you. give her time about the s*x thing...every man has looked at p**n at one time or another. i think that it's amazing that you care so much, and i think that if you continue to love her with this much devotion, she'll soon come around :)

Answer 5

is a labia minora a new constellation?

Answer 6

I came to my boyfriend of 7 years with incredibly low self esteem, and he was able to build me up through telling me everytime he saw me naked how s**y I was, anytime we speak of s*x he says something like "OOh, I cant wait to get back in that thing!" or he compliments the h**l out of me while we are doing it. He makes me feel good, and has brought me to a point where I dont care what other people think of me, I know that I have a very satisfied client at home. You just have to be very verbal about how much you find her attractive. As far as her discomfort with you touching her, I think it will come with her level of self esteem. Once she has that your marriage will be perfect for both you and her. Another thing, I think it is unrealistic for you not to notice other women, unless you are blind. But just reassure her that you have the best of all women right with you at home.

Answer 7

all i can say is GO YOU...good man

Answer 8

too long

Answer 9

Wow. You seem like a really terrific husband, very much like my own in fact! I'm a little like your wife, in the sense that I also feel I'm not beautiful even though my husband keeps insisting I'm the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. So I think I can help you understand your wife better (hopefully!).

Sometimes women feel insecure in their bodies after marriage when we tend to put on a little weight. I know that's the case with me, even though I am within the normal range (a health professional confirmed this) I still feel fat and ugly a lot of the time. It doesn't help when my husband says I'm beautiful in response to me saying I'm ugly or fat. What helps is when he says it out of the blue. Just come home one day and hold her at arms length and just gaze at her, after she starts to blush and get shy tell her she's so beautiful. Or while watching teli gaze at her until she notices. Touch her body and comment on it, be specific and be constant, do it a lot. That will definitely boost her ego. Oh and take pictures of her with your phone camera, tell her she's so beautiful you want to keep her image with you forever.

Oh and don't suggest surgery ever again. As for her past experience, have you tried talking it all out? Hold her and talk about and make sure you tell her you know it wasn't her fault. Good luck!!