How to help struggling mom friends?

Question

I have a couple friends both with 2 children. A toddler and infant. I am currently a mother of a 2 year old and one on the way. My friends seem to really be struggling with mothering 2 children. They have to tend to the baby if it cries or is hungry and the toddler acts out because it doesn't feel like he's getting enough attention.

Today I scheduled to go to the pool with my sister-in-law and nephews, 3 years and 6 months, and she made it for 15 min. The 6 month old is fussy and has had severe acid reflux since he was born and the 3 year old has always had behavior problems but are worse now that there is a new baby. The baby was crying and the toddler wouldn't listen to his mom and when she put him in time outs he would still act up so she took them both home. I feel like she made the best decision, but I missed having an adult to talk to my heart ached b/c I couldn't help her. I asked and she said no.

I need some ideas to help show my friends I care and am thinking of them?

Answer 1

Parenting is a constant struggle. It is never easy, and no two households are exactly alike.

invite your friend over for lunch. keep it simple, finger foods that would be good for the toddlers as well as the mommies. hold the baby for her while she eats. entertain her toddler with a cool toy or crayons and a coloring book.

go to her house, don't ask her if she needs help, just do it. if you see dishes in the sink do them. clothes need to be folded, do it.

i think it's so sweet that you are such a concerned friend. i'm sure ANY thing you do would be appreciated.

Answer 2

One of my closest friends has 2 girls.  I have one daughter and am a single mother but I sometimes feel that she has a bigger handful because she has one more child than I.  Her husband works a ton and doesn't help much.  

Last week, I went and bought her a gift card for a pedicure and I enclosed it in a card saying "good for one pedicure and an hour of childcare..."  

She absolutely loved it..

Answer 3

hmmmm....  i'm a mother of 3 kids with and i'm 22 weeks pregnant.  their ages are: 4, 2 1/2, and 16 months.  NONE of my kids had adjustment issues when the new baby was born because i read a LOT of different books on it and asked my mother how she handled it (she had 6 kids).  I don't have advice for you to help your friends, i have advice for you to help yourself not get frazzled as bad (and believe me, it happens no matter what you do) as you could get.

Have you told your 2 year old that there will be a baby in the house soon?  if not, now would be a good time.  also, letting your toddler be around babies right now is a good idea, in order to let him or her get used to what kind of little being is going to be coming along.  also, let your toddler "help" you with the baby when it's born.  if you need to change a diaper, let your child hand you whatever it is you need when you need it.  same with feeding.  if your child feels left out at feeding time, try listening to their favorite music or watch their favorite dvd with them while you're feeding the baby, then when it's time to burp, they can help you pat the baby's back lightly.  Whenever my kids wanted to hold the new baby, depending on how busy i was, i would sit down with them and let them hold their new brother or sister (my oldest was only 18 months when #2 came along).  the more often they got to do this, the more the novelty wore off and eventually it wasn't such a big deal.

and personally, whenever someone has offered to help me, i've taken them up on it.  don't understand why your sis-in-law wouldn't, unless she felt she had something to prove, either to you or herself.

Answer 4

possibly you can ask if you can bring lunch and you all can eat together.

find something that the toddlers can do together.... something like finger painting or going outside and playing..... so that the mothers can have some alone time with the babies and can get some things done around the house.

Answer 5

jsut show her your support by backing her up.  If she wants him on a time out support her decision and sit him down for the full time.  If she says its time to leave, help her leave.  The child needs to see that mommy will leave if he does not behave.  

If you feel confident about comforting the 6 month old than do so.  Feeding, diapering, just some good old fashion craddling, or needs some sleep... if you can help out with any of those things it would be a lot of help, that is while she is there.  

Invite your friend over as you normally do to show her that you still enjoy her company.  The three year old is going thru his terrible "threes".  Make sure that there is plenty of age appropriate toys, books, sports equipment available to him.  Engage him in some playtime.