How to improve/increase intimacy with my wife?????

Question

Me and my wife have s*x about 2 times a week... maybe 3... sometimes 1... lol... but seriously we have great chemistry physically... our marriage is going through some tough times right now... she was unsure if this is what she wanted and after much talk and going back and forth we have decided to do marriage counseling again and try our best to improve our marriage... we have 2 kids 6 and 2 years old... the 2 year old does get up in the middle of the night and find his way to our bed all the time and i hate it... i mean once he comes in there then there is no chance for anything to happen in the middle of the night or in the morning... i just dont want him in my bed... i love just me and my wife lying next to each other... and that bothers me... she doesnt mind as much... but she still doesnt want him to do it... when we both are into it we have mind blowing s*x... but she isnt into it all the time... she says for women its alittle more emotion involved and she is unhappy about her body and our marriage has been shaky... now i appreciate she hasnt stopped having s*x... we still do like i said 2 or 3 times a week... i just want it to be better and keep her into it... she says i am very much adaquate size wise... so thats not it... and that i am the best lover she has ever had by far... so i know thats not it... i know some of it is she isnt happy with her body... she is so beautiful i cant explain and she only weighs 135 lbs and is about 5 ft 6 in... so she is not big at all... her stomach has a little baby fat and does have strectch marks which really bother her alot... but i never tell her anything but she is so s**y and beautiful... but that doesnt matter cause she doesnt believe it... now we just got a gym membership to a great gym and she is so excited... im hoping that will help us alot... also we start back marriage counseling again in 2 weeks so im hoping that will help... i already am a romantic like giving her flowers and s**y little outfits... little surprise picnics and love notes... i mean she loves that stuff... am i crazy... sometimes i just think im greedy... cause some guys would love to have s*x 2 or 3 times a week... but i am so into my wife and i love her and she is the perfect woman for me... she is my dreamgirl... i have toned down how much i wanted s*x... h**l i could have it everyday all day...lol... but what guy wouldnt... lol... but i guess its not the amount that bothers me its the quality... i want her more into it and i would love for her to initiate it more so its not like im bugging her... any help here would be appreciated... thnks in advance...

4 hours ago - 3 days left to answer.

Additional Details

3 hours ago

We do most of the time wait until the end of the day to initate s*x... we usually wait until the kids are sleep and they go to bed around 930... i would love to have some quickie early on in the day... but it takes two and how can i get that going without making her feel like im hounding her or buggin her...

Answer 1

sometimes we cant have it all, but heres something that works for me because my wife and I watch p**n together sometimes and that turns up the heat fast (dont know if you 2 do) but sometimes when were laying down and she doesnt want any ill pop in a movie and walla batter up.  Yea I hate it that my kids do the same thing, wanna be in your bed buggin  

Answer 2

Marriage is exhausting.  And then adding kids on top of it, well that is just icing on the cake.  There is not much energy left for s*x or intimate time.  You need to find something that will get her into it quicker and keep her there until she can o****m.  Do you know the spots to hit.  Talk to her about it also.  Sometimes it helps to add types of sensitive oils or lubs during love making or even adding simple toys if she is into that sort of things.  The session can be short but leave you both satisfied.

Answer 3

well you're on the right track.

Keep complimenting her on the other areas of her, that shes not so focused on feeling insecure about, like her hair , her eyes.

Come home in the middle of the day, and tell her, you cant get your mind off her....etc....dont necessarily initiate "s*x", ...initiate affection instead. Spend the afternoon holding her, and DONT make it end in s*x. Try this several times and see if she'll get the idea to initiate.

Also, every move she makes , tell her..."i loveeee it when you ...."..

..Make sure she knows how much shes turning you on....

I think as time goes on and you continue with the counseling and she starts feeling more secure...from going to the gym....she'll come around.

"get her" right after you guys work out, ...tell her shes so s**y ..with that "after exercise glow"........

if none of this works??? give me a call.

Answer 4

Here's a hint.......

Drinking makes people want to do it more......

I'm just saying

Answer 5

wOW YOU sound like my bf.  I have a 5 yr, some stretch marks and some baby belly but I know I am not fat just not comfortable with the way I look and he tells me the same exact stuff all the time.  It works for me.  It sometimes doesn't matter how much you compliment or do for her she just might never get comfortable with the way she looks.  You sound like a great husband.  How about (not saying you don't) you please her in the beginning of love making?  Make sure she goes before you and then you give it a go.  It drives me bonkers seeing how excited he is to please me.  

Good luck and don't give up.

Answer 6

whew - okay - i'll tell you the answer but you won't like it.

If you want the best s*x you've ever had - don't want it.

Does that make sense?  The next time she says she wants s*x, tell her no - you just want to touch her soft skin.  The next time she says she wants s*x, tell her no, why don't we just cuddle and watch tv.

Are you getting me?  You are being needy and greedy and she is absolutely correct, s*x is way different for women.  She should say when you have s*x always - that will mean she's in the mood.

Did you get that - SHE SHOULD SAY WHEN - you no longer get to initiate s*x.

But what if that means she only initiates s*x twice a month - THEN YOU HAVE s*x TWICE A MONTH.  Stop being greedy and needy and start being caring - she will really appreciate it.

Answer 7

I'm apologizing in advance for the length of my answer but I have a lot to say.  Lets address the issue of your child first.

Your child SHOULD NOT be going to your bed.  Your bed should be a sacred thing in your marriage, and children do not belong sleeping in it.  If you want your children to remain in their own beds for the entire night, it's going to take some training and a LOT of hard work for a week or two.  You will be drained, tired, sleepless, cranky, and want to give in, but if you ever want to have nights alone between you and your wife, you will do what I'm suggesting -- trust me, it works.

When your child wakes up in the middle of the night, pick him / her up.  Calmly and kindly say "It's time for bed, you need to stay in your own bed.  Goodnight" and place them back in their own bed.  Kiss them, and walk out of the room without another word.  Go back to your own bed, and go to sleep.  They will probably get back up, and you need to pick them up and repeat -- do the EXACT same thing.  When they get up again, do not say anything to them at all the 3rd time, just pick them up and place them back into bed.  Repeat as many times as necessary, until they eventually give up and fall back asleep.  You may have to do it as often as every 5 minutes for a few hours the first couple of nights, but I PROMISE you if you stick exactly to my plan, it would be more than a week or two before your child remains in bed the entire night! :)

Now as far as intimacy goes, you are doing everything right as far as complimenting and reassuring your wife.  It's very difficult to have the types of body issues your wife has, she is probably extremely low on her self esteem.  Unfortunately, no one -- not even you -- can fix how she's feeling.  Continue to compliment her and tell her how s**y you think she is.  Eventually, she will hopefully realize that you love her for who she is. :)

Come on to her more!  If she denies your advances, that's okay, but you need to make the effort.  Don't nag her, hound her, or bug her about it, just put it out there.  You want s*x early in the day?  Then come up behind her, put your arms around her, and nibble her earlobe.  Ask her to come up to the bedroom (winkwink.)  If she says no, or not now, etc.. that's fine, let it go.  Give her a playful smack on the bottom and kiss her cheek, then leave her alone.  Try again later, or the next day.  Eventually, she will come to realize that you view her as a beautiful, attractive, s**y woman who you want to make love to frequently.  She will then become increasingly interested in s*x with you, trust me! :)

Good luck!