How to keep from stressing out? Question for Parents who are adopting-?

Question

My husband and I are in the process of adopting a baby. She is scheduled to be born in Jan. We are anxiously counting the days, but I am getting so nervous , afraid the birth mother will change her mind? How do others in this situation cope with the stress and worry ?

Answer 1

Lots and LOTS of prayer. And either way something great will hapen. Just accept rigth now that if she changes her mind and is able to care for her baby THAT, THAT IS A GREAT THING.  Also if she can not care for her child and decides that you should be that parents, then that too is great for you guys. No matter what someone it going to have a HUGE loss. I was not prepared for how bad it would fel to know that I was taking HER baby home ..

You should be anxoius, just as if you were going into labor. There are fears that the baby wil be sick or harmed and in your case, she'll change you mind..

Answer 2

I don't think there's any way to feel no stress about this.  It IS stressful to not know until so last minute about a huge life event.  That doesn't mean that you're insensitive to the fact that it is NOT something you get to control, and shouldn't.  You do have to go into it with the mind set that this child is not yours until her mother decides for sure, but you are human and of course it is hard to wait.  Also, if you do care about this child, if her mother decides that she can parent, try to feel grateful, even though you'll be disapointed for yourself, that she does not have to be separated from her mother.  There will be a child who needs a home that you can provide for it, even if it is not this one.  Best wishes.

Answer 3

Well, you could try to focus all of your love on this baby coming into the world and hope and pray that she won't be separated from her mother. Hope that the child will be allowed to continue to develop the infant/mother bond that was meant to be. Hoping for the best for others - the ones who will suffer if your adoption goes through might take the focus off of yourself and your feelings of need. Concentrating on the mother and child remaining together and being allowed to live together and love one another (family preservation) shouldn't be the cause of stress and worry. This is the problem with allowing adoption plans to go forward before a baby is born.

Answer 4

This was our biggest worry when we were adopting...it can happen...and almost did to us...we did a lot of praying and had a great support system. I know that if the birth mother has been counseled that helps. I can't say she won't change her mind, but if you are religious, leave it in God's hands. What He wants will be! Good luck! You'll be in my thoughts!

Answer 5

Everyone needs to acknowledge that the obvious and its not easy to hear but it is what it is the birth mother has made the choice to give the child up for adoption regardless of her situation. Am i saying the decion was easy positively no but ultimately that was their choice.

We are living in times where there are tons of resources, free resources at that to help counsel, prepare a woman with their options when they become pregnant. Yes their may have been circumstances where the birth mother was a victim of rape, domestic abuse, poverty, physical ailments whatever the situation the birth mother chose adoption. Woman need to educate themselves further into what the adoption truly brings on before and after the fact. A lack of educating, self preparing for life during and after the adoption is not the sole responsibility of the agency or the couple who wants to adopt so why the blame game? Why are woman on this site  angry at the adoptive parents, agencies and so forth for willing to take on a responsibility mentally, physically or financially that the birth mother was not prepared to take on? She had options she chose to exercise this one.

Everyone on here is so quick to cast stones on the people who simply want to provide the children with a chance to survive in this world providing whatever the birth mother wasn't ready to take on? Will the life with the adoptive parents always be a happy one no but what makes a birth mothers life any better thats easy you won't know but your going on the what if's. No one on here can say that every moment in their life's was perfect but life isn't perfect. So don't go on the what if's the birth mother had stayed or changed her mind after the fact. Birth mothers who chose to give up their child made that choice. Thing long and hard before you make that choice but don't blame the people who wanted to do what you walked away from because

Many will frown at me, many will give me thumbs down but guess what those are the realities that were chosen for the child inside her womb. That  is a hard fact that this was a CHOICE on the birth mothers behalf whatever her situation may have been no matter what.

I'm not saying that every child that got adopted lived a glamorous life or one that resembles a so called perfect family but that decision was made so birth mothers now have to live with it. If the child decides on some point that they want you to be involved then consider it a gift to you. They may have longed your presence since day one but birth mothers you made that choice.

Good luck with the birth of your future child. Hold onto faith and you'll see that your child will be with you soon.

Answer 6

The expectant mother should not have to make any decision until the baby is born.

The baby she is carrying is her baby and nobody should be influencing her decision for their own gain.

If you don't want the stress and worry of an expectant Mom deciding to parent her own baby (gasp) why not adopt a child that is already available for adoption instead of attempting to influence a pregnant lady at her most vulnerable time

Answer 7

if the mother changes her mind, that is indeed her right.  although i do empathize with your angst, you have the opportunity to adopt another baby.  if she relinquishes, she has lost the opportuntiy to parent her child.

adoption is not cut and dry.  women make adoption plans for many reasons, and change their minds for many more.  the thing to remember is if she does change her mind, then that was an indication that this baby was not meant to be adopted by you.

i think to help you with the stress, i would come to terms with the possibility that she might change her mind, and be emotionally prepared to not parent this child.

as others have said, there are other adoptable babies available. this baby, however, is the baby of the this mother until she decides to terminate her rights.

give her time, space and the opportunity to make that decision. if she does decide to relinquish, then the baby is yours.  until that time, the baby is hers.

Answer 8

Comfort yourself with the knowledge that if the mother changes her mind, the child will not suffer a primal wound - great sadness at her loss. For babies who are taken from their mothers they experience it as a psychological death and will be in mourning for a long time.

Are you stressing out about the impending saddness the two are about to face? It might help you with your own "anxiety" to consider others.

Answer 9

Get some counseling to figure out why a mother must lose her child for you to find happiness.

Why not go volunteer your time somewhere and stop pressuring this desparate woman.

Merry Christmas.