How to let a bridesmaid know you are upset with seeming like bridezilla? ?

Question

I asked one of my closest friends a year ago to be a bridesmaid. Now that the wedding is coming up she keep coming up with excuses of why she did not attend the bachelorette party, can't come get her nails done, and won't get her hair done. A friend is doing our hair and it will seriously only cost twenty bucks. It's to the point i don't know if she will show up at the wedding.

Answer 1

I don't think it's proper at all for a bride to ask her bridesmaids to have their hair done and pay for it. If they believe they can do a better job on their own hair, then let them. They earn their own money and I do not believe it is any brides place to tell their wedding party how to spend it outside of the dress and shoes/tux's. Maybe it's not an excuse, maybe she has hit some financial hardships that she is embarrassed to tell anyone about. And she really shouldn't have to. Just respect the fact that she is giving you reasons, excuses or not, and leave it at that. If you are sincerely worried about her showing up to the wedding, ask. Just let her know that the wedding is quickly approaching and maybe try to give her some responsibilities for that day. If she says ok and agrees to assume those responsibilities, I wouldn't worry about her not showing up. However, if she starts making excuses, maybe it's time to ask her if there is something wrong or if she has another committment that day. You never know, it may be something bigger than your wedding holding her back. Remember during your wedding too that everyone is facing tough times economically, so, if there is something you want your bridesmaids to do (ie, get their hair done, nails done) maybe consider downgrading. See if your friend will work for tips instead of a set price (although I don't see why a friend wouldn't do it for free to begin with) maybe offer to paint each other's nails the night before instead of getting a full set put on. Just remember, it is your wedding, but people do have limits, especially financially right now. $20 might not seem like a lot to you but it can mean a bill not getting paid for someone in your wedding party.

Answer 2

In all honesty, if you want them to have their hair done, this is something you should pay for. I understand the bride's maids paying for their own dresses but having nails and hair done is an extra thing that's not important if they can do it themselves. I've been a MOH a few times and it gets really expensive with all those add-ons.

As for the bachelorette party, I won't be going to my best friend's bachelorette party. Well, I'm going for the dinner portion but the first part is going to cost each person $50 and after dinner they're going clubbing at this place that costs $20 just to get in. I'm a student and can't afford it. My point is that there may be another reason why she didn't attend. If she didn't want to go, it doesn't mean she won't show up at the wedding.

Offer to pay for her hair and nails if you want her to have them done professionally. $20 to one person may not be a lot of money, but it may be food for a week for someone else.

Answer 3

I think you need a little perspective here.  While all brides wish that their day is all about them and nobody else's feelings ever come into play, it's just not how the real world works.

The bachelorette party is optional.  The two required events are the rehearsal (so everyone knows what to do) and the wedding (so everyone does what they're supposed to do.)

If you want the maids to get their nails and hair done then you should be paying for it.  Otherwise it should be entirely optional.  They've likely already shelled out some bucks for the dress, shoes, etc. and they can slick on some nail polish themselves and they've been doing their own hair since they were young teenagers.

Take some deep breaths and concentrate on the really important things.

Answer 4

How about approaching the subject differently.  Ask her if she'd like to help with the planning of the days things are being done to make sure her schedule doesn't conflict.

If that doesn't help, how about sitting down and asking her if everything is ok.  Make sure there's no big problem in her life that could be conflicting with your very happy day.  

Answer 5

without making it worse just make a plan a with her and plan b in case she doesn't show!  

Answer 6

talk with she directly.speak out your qualm,after all, she is your intimate  friend

Answer 7

You scale back your expectations. The ONLY thing that she has to do is attend the rehearsal and the wedding. Make sure she knows exactly where and when to be there for those two things, and confirm with her ahead of time.

For some people, $20 is a lot of money, especially when you've already bought a bridesmaid's dress and a gift and maybe even taken time off work for this wedding. You have to remember that her life doesn't stop for your big day - she still has obligations and budgets outside of your wedding. As long as she is there for the wedding itself, the other things don't matter.

So cut her a break. Obviously you love your friend, or you wouldn't have her in your wedding. Don't make it any harder for her to participate.

Answer 8

Depends if you still want her in the wedding or not. Seems she doesnt' want to work with you on scheduling or doing anything to be involved in the wedding.

I would honestly, if me, let her know you "understand she is busy and not able to be a bridesmaid and would still like her to be a guest".

In a way, it seems like she "told you" she didn't by you saying "not able to participate to be a bridesmaid"

I think it is tacky for someone to want to take the roll, excuse from all of it but still want to be one when the day comes.