Question:

How to live for myself?how to be really happy for myself?

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this is my problem..whatever i do i feel others sholud see me...others wanna talk about me..others wanna treat me like a hero..why iam thinking about this?iam not living for me..but for others...how can i stop this?how can i change my mind attitude?

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  1. Your question doesn't make any sense - do people see you as a hero or do you want them to?

    If they see you as a hero, then you should probably do your best to meet their expectation.

    If you want them to, then you should lead by example.

    Either way, heroes are rarely happy people.


  2. William Faulkner once gave some very good advice to a student:

        I have found that the greatest help in meeting any problem with decency and self respect and whatever courage is demanded is to know where you yourself stand. That is, to have in words what you believe and are acting from

    Words play a very important part in influencing how we see ourselves. Most of our thinking is language based. We are, as a species, very proud of our language based thinking system and we believe it to be rather wonderful - which it is. It is the only game in town and our culture is so dependent on language based thinking that we cannot really conceive of anything else. Yet language based thinking has some very serious deficiencies and dang ers. By its nature, language based thinking gives distinctions, separations and categories. This is hardly surprising since this is the very purpose of language. Language based thinking tends to give identity and permanent labels. And therein lies both it s strengths and its dangers.

    We have all heard of self fulfilling prophecies. Our subconscious accepts and acts upon whatever we label outselves. Besides the dangers of the categorisation and permanence of language based thinking, which are bad enough, there is the related and in many ways greater danger which comes from our merry acceptance of warped and sanitised language. The sort of statement which we all make and accept at face value without realising just how rid iculous it is -'You make me so angry', for example. No one can make us angry; we choose to react to some behaviour in that way. But the inaccuracy is deeper than that. We label what we feel 'anger' and therefore we imagine that we actually do feel angry i n that situation because it is socially acceptable to call it anger (which it patently is not) and it is not socially acceptable to call what we are feeling frustration at failing in an attempt to manipulate another person's behaviour in accordance wit h our own selfish wishes - even though that would be the more accurate description. If we are to succeed, not only in creating success in the truest sense but in individual promotion activities, we have to take William Faulkner's advice but we have to make sure that the words we use do not contribute to the problem by disguising what it actually is.

    1. Commit Yourself  to Proactive Living

        Right now this is the only life you have.  Make an agreement with yourself that you are not going to sit this one out, commit to being a participant, not an observer.  Commit yourself to the process of finding and following your dreams, wants and desires.

    2. Point Out Past "Pro-actions"

        Make a list of all the moments in your life where you felt proactive. Then identify what was it about that experience that made you feel that way. For example if you identified serving in the Peace Corp. as a time of being proactive, identify if it was, the adventure, the opportunity to educate others, to help shape a community, or learning about another culture that was the real positive part of the experience. Alternatively, if you felt proactive when you first used a computer, was it doing something new, achieving a goal or actually working with technology that made you feel proactive.

    3. Tolerate Nothing

        Ask yourself, what are you tolerating in your life?  Is there a health challenge you are not addressing, a relationship you have long outgrown, a home full of paraphernalia that is crowding you? If you are not being proactive in life you are being reactive.

    4. Identify Proactive People

        Make a list of ten people you are acquainted with that you believe live life proactively. These are the people you want to spend time with, collaborate with, pioneer with, play with.

    5. Jot it Out

        Keep a journal for a week and notice when you are feeling the most proactive.  Write these things down and then at the end of the week reread your journal and see if there are any common threads or directions that need further investigation.

    6. Try New Things

        Make a list of all the things you would like to do.  Add to the list everyday.  Once a week for six weeks try something new.  In addition to having new experiences and perhaps finding some new talents and passions.  Living without regrets means trying everything you want to try.

    7. Get Into Action

        Once you commit to proactive living, living without regrets the only thing left to do is get moving, get working on it, get going.  Write out all the big and small action items necessary to get you living your proactive lifestyle.  Start small with little steps, and as momentum builds you will find yourself naturally engaging fully in life, naturally not holding back.

    As you begin this new lifestyle, watch closely and notice what is different. Maybe soon you will place an awning or a plague or even a welcome mat by your front door that lets all who enter know. Here lives a person with no regrets.

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