How to make funny insults?

Question

i want some funny insults cuz i like insulting my enemies. but i dont want curses and insults to the parents or any family members

Answer 1

wow did you just finish first grade?

I know dolphins with more tricks than you.

See how that works.  I just insulted you.

Answer 2

well heres a good one but it has one bad word,

but you can change the word

(name), take a break...

you dont have to be a (insulting word) everyday.

:D  have fun

Answer 3

Attack any insecurities that person might have or that you know of prior to the insult. Also, doing it in front of their peers helps even if the diss is sub-par.

Answer 4

What usually makes them funny is to take the situation or something about the person & make a comment, not just a generic insult.  Try to be creative.  My favorite was a guy that had a full nude tatooed on his back...I asked him if that was to keep his boyfriend excited.

Answer 5

OK? whats the question?

Answer 6

You are so lame, as you know all you do to other people will come back to you. Enjoy feeling big insulting but you are already messing up your spirit and you will be going to h**l.

Answer 7

insulting isnt good! omigosh dont do it. even tho there ur enemies it just makes them hate u more and u hate them more

SERIOUSLY!! TAKE MY ADVICE!! DONT INSULT THEM!!!!!!

Answer 8

read funny joke books

Answer 9

Use old English. It's funny, yet actually hardly insultive.

Answer 10

'You are a loser. I am a goddess. Any questions?'

'You are depriving some poor village of its Idiot.'

'You are proof that God has a sense of humor.'

'You can''t fix stupid'

'You must be from the shallow end of the gene pool.'

'Your child may be an honors student, but You''re a moron.'

'Your honor student swallows!'

'Your Kid May Be An Honor Student But You''re Still An Idiot.'

'Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.'

'Your village just called. They''re missing an idiot.'

''I hear you were born on April 2; a day too late!'

'I hope you never get a tetanus shot; maybe you''ll windup with lockjaw.'

'I you are in your right mind, I hope you go insane!'

'If I told you that I have a piece of dirt in my eye, would you move?'

'Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you?'

'If you were a swine, you would be what you are now!'

'You''re very smart. You have brains you never used.'

'A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it.'

'You''re nobody''s fool. Let''s see if we can get someone to adopt you.'

'They say no woman ever made a fool out of you. So who did?''

''You''re not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.'

'Eventually, you will get what you asked for.'

'Nice to see you on your feet. Who sent the derrick?'

'You are so dishonest that I can''t even be sure that what you tell me are lies!'

'You have a good weapon against muggers -- your face!'

'You are the answer to my prayer!! I prayed to find out if things could get worse!!'

'At least you are not obnoxious like so many other people -- you are obnoxious in a different and worse way!'

'You have a lot of well-wishers. They would all like to throw you down one.'

'You remind me of Moses. Every time you open your mouth, the bull rushes.'

'They say that travel broadens oneself. You must have been around the world.'

''Look through your towels and tell us the name of the hotel you stayed at in Detroit.'

'You always have your ear to the ground. So how''s life in the gutter?'

'Heard your family went to a restaurant where they serve crabs just so they could bring you along.'

'Before you came along we were hungry. Now we are fed up.'

'You are pretty as a picture and we''d love to hang you.'

'You will never be able to live down to your reputation!'

'Any friend of yours -- is a friend of yours.'

'Someone said that you are not fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up for the pigs.'

'I hear you are being accepted into an exclusive club because they need someone to snub.'

'I heard you went to have your head examined, but the doctors found nothing there.'

''Don''t get me wrong. I`m not trying to make a monkey out of you. I can`t take the credit.'

'This is no battle of wits between you and me. I never pick on an unarmed man.'

'Look, don''t go to a mind reader; go to a palmist; I know you''ve got a palm.'

'Hey! I know what sign you were born under! RED LIGHT DISTRICT!'

'I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter?'

'We think of you when we are lonely. Then we are content to be alone.'

'Hey, how come even though you are still alive your parents are in mourning for you?'

'I''d like to break the monotony; where''s your weakest point?'

'The next time you shave, could you stand a little closer to the razor?'

'I hear you are an officer. Your rank is -- just plain rank!'

''You say you are a West Pointer, but you look like an Irish Setter.'

'You are so fat that I hear you were arrested three times for jay-walking when all the time you were just standing on the corner waiting for the light to change.'

'Sure, I''ve seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission...'

'Hi there, I''m a human being! What are you?'

'I''ve seen more life in a down and out''s vest.'

'You''re red shirt goes well with your eyes...'

'Save your breath...You''ll need it to blow up your date.'

'Shouldn''t you have a license for being that ugly?'

'Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.'

'Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes.'

''All day I thought of you....I was at the zoo.

'I''d love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you can''t count that high.'

'You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control.'

'He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe.'

'Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade.'

'If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldn''t say Hi to folk, I''d say BOO!'

'You''ve got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face.'

'You got a face only a mother could love...unfortunately she too hates it!'

'I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.'

'Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today?'

''I''ll hit you so hard by the time you come down, you''ll need a passport and a plane ticket back!'

'I''ll hit you so hard you ''ll have to take off your shoes to ****!'

'I''ll hit you so hard you''ll have to unzip your pants to say hi!'

'I''ll hit you so hard your kids will be born dizzy!'

'I''ll hit you so hard your wife will fall!'

'You''re so dumb you think socialism means partying!'

'You''re so dumb you think manual labor is a Mexican!'

'You''re so dumb you think Johnny Cash is a pay toilet!'

'You''re so dumb it takes you an hour and a half to watch "60 Minutes"!'

'You so stupid you probably think Taco Bell is where you pay your telephone bill.'

'You so dumb you got blonde roots in your eyeballs.'

'Your so stupid, that you got fired from the M & M factory for throwing away all the W''s.'

'Your so stupid, that you went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut.'

'Your so stupid, that you went to a Whalers game to see Shamu.'

'Your so stupid, it takes you an hour to cook minute rice.'

'She was so ugly... they used to push her face into dough to make gorilla biscuits.'

'You''re so ugly you''d make a train take a dirt road!'

'You''re so ugly when you walk into a bank, they turn the cameras off!'

'She''s so ugly she could scare the moss off a rock!'

'She''s so ugly she could scare the chrome off a bumper!'

'Your face so so ugly when you cry the tears run up your face.'

'Your so ugly, your mother had to feed you with a sling shot.'

'Your so ugly, your mother had to tie a steak around your neck to get the dog to play with you.'

'You''re so fat when you sit around the house, you sit AROUND the HOUSE.'

'You''re so fat a picture of you would fall off the wall!'

'You''re so fat if you weighed five more pounds, you could get group insurance!'

'You''re so fat you get clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-it''s-coming-towards-us!''

Answer 11

If you have to ask on Y!A then you're missing a key part of the insult-ers toolbox: Wit.

Answer 12

Check out the 'Insults' section on LiketoLaugh.com.

http://www.liketolaugh.com/readjokes.php...

Answer 13

Listen to Don Rickles , Edgar Bergan and the Dean Martin friars club roasts. Their work is pure genius!

Answer 14

my brother told me this:

"Shut the front door, you mother father son of a biscuit!"

Hope it works!

Answer 15

Well if you don't want to use curses, that sets you up for a lot of fail right there.

I dunno. "Your mom" jokes?