How to make my dad understand?

Question

My husband and I are in the process of filing for Chapter 7. We shared this with my dad because he has a connection to a specific item that we've included. We believe that because of our situation this is the right thing to do to clear up our situation. My dad feels very strongly about following through when you sign a contract; that if you borrow money, you should pay it back. My husband has shared this news with his immediate family and they fully support this option. My dad on the other hand is putting up a fight and from here on out it doesn't look like family get-togethers will ever be the same. I'm stuck in the middle. My husband says one thing and my dad says another. I'm so confused. I don't want to lose my husband or my dad. Any advice?

Answer 1

Unless your dad is going to bail you out and pay all of your debts, this is a decision that you and your husband had to make.  

I agree with your dad, if you borrow money, you are obligated to pay it back.  However, there are times where it is just not possible.  I'm assuming that this is the current situation.

As long as you know the consequences of the situation, you and your husband are the ones that have to deal with it.

Answer 2

Unfortunately it will be you and your husband who have to deal with the debt and the long road to rebuild your lives after bankruptcy.

Answer 3

You are married to your husband now...so that is your first priority.  Take your dad to lunch and explain you predicament and ask for his understanding.  Your first priority is the welfare of your family...and if the situation is hopeless, then pull the ripcord.  Now if your husband is being a s*****k and taking the easy way out...you may want to tell him to grow a pair and do the right thing...karma is, after all, a *****!

Answer 4

Your dad is absolutely right.  Filing for bankruptcy is bad.  You've probably lived it up outside of your means and now you'll have all of the stuff you bought and none of the debt...which is then passed along to just about everybody you're asking for advice.  You need to cut back on your spending and pay your debts yourself.  If you have to sell things that you bought, sell them.  If you have a huge HD television, maybe you need to sell it and get a smaller TV.  Get rid of cable, sell your computer...don't make other people pay your debt!

Answer 5

You don't say how big the debt to your dad is.  Additionally, you don't say whether it is secured with a note or a handshake.  You also don't say whether your husband's family is owed money that won't be returned.

If your husband's family is not owed money, their opinion on whether to pay back your dad really doesn't matter (they can still support the bankruptcy filing - that is a different matter).

Since your dad is adamant about this, why not try to work out a payment schedule that both of you can live with.  Approach him by saying something like, Dad, as you know we are having financial problems.  Although we are forced to file bankruptcy (this is your business and not his, btw), we would still like to honor our debt to you.  However, we can't make the payments we had promised.  Is there anyway that we can stretch out the payments (smaller payments)?

This should ease the tension and make your dad part of the solution rather then part of an ongoing problem.  The goal here is to identify what everyone's interests are and work out a solution that satisfies all of them - your interest is making life financially bearable - hopefully smaller payments to your dad will do that.  Your dad's interests  are more psychological - a man's word is his word.  Small payments would show your dad that you agree with his values and are trying to live within them.

Good luck