How to manage the wife (or husband)??

Question

New surfer here. 36 yrs old. 3 kids (9,7,4). I tend to go out 3 days a week around 7-8am. Every once in a while I run into some trouble on the home front ("you're going surfing AGAIN?!?"). For those experienced surfers out there -- how do you manage dealing with your wife or husband so they let you keep doing this??? Once I get a little better I plan on recruiting either my wife or one of my kids to come with me. That should help. But in the meantime...

Answer 1

wow, that sucks. maybe you should tell her to lighten up. if there are good waves, its a no-brainer in my house--i'm surfing. h**l, my boss is even cool with it, and i'm an engineer.

my wife is totally into my surfing, she knows what it means to me---its what i do. your wife should ease up and stop policing something you do at 8am---now if you said you were going surfing at 8pm, i could see her issue.  

Answer 2

   This "situation" couples have ALWAYS fascinates me! Here's what you do. You simply TELL her that you're "paddling out" and you'll be back when you're finished. All right, a couple of things. First, you inform her the night before that you are gonna grab some waves in the morning, "so you have time to get to work and/or help around the house". Now you've let her know in advance. That's courteous. What I think is TOTAL BS is niether of you should be "letting" either of you do ANYTHING! You're two fully grown adults (I presume), and should trust eachother enough to not have to ask to do things. ESPECIALLY surf. I've been surfing for 23 years, and have had good and bad relationships with many women over the years, but one thing has ALWAYS been respected, my short time out of the day to surf. The women understand that surfing is a lifeline for me. I'm a better man because of the time I take to surf. It mellows me out, clears my head to tackle the days issues, and is a great workout! NOTHING will get/keep you in better physical shape then surfing. The positives FAR out number the negatives when it comes to the topic of "surfing while in a relationship". Yet, many women, for reasons unknown, cause a huge problem when we surf. I'm in a bit of a different category then you are. I've BEEN surfing my whole life, so women have no choice. They got wrapped up with a surfer. I am what I am. They always have the option to leave. You're just getting started. Embarking on an exciting new journey. I think the best thing to do is talk with your wife over a nice dinner out. I'm serious. Ask her if she's free tomorrow night. When she says, "Yeah, why?", tell her you have something you would like to discuss with her (make sure not to worry her) over dinner. Make a reservation at HER favorite restaurant. Then simply let her know (nicely, of course) how much your new hobby means to you, and you don't think it's going away anytime soon. Explain to her that surfing is very healthy excercise, a positive activity, but most importantly, how much it means to you. Tell her that in order for surfing to be enjoyable, she needs to be supportive, and not cause resistance. Remind her that if you were, say, going to the gym every day for two hours she would have no problem with that, right? Let her know that you love her, and you need her on your side while you learn to surf! Shoot, maybe she'll be interested in surfing too! Tell her when you get it down, surfing is something you can do with your children. Kids LOVE surfing and the beach! GREAT bonding experience! My dad taught me to surf. I'm 34, my dad's 61 and we STILL surf together at least once a week. As a child, I can't tell you how much I cherish the time spent catchin' some waves with my dad! If she can't get on board after you seriously let her know how important this is to you, then I think you have MUCH larger relationship issues. She probably just doesn't realize how important this is to you. A little knowledge lights the way! I'm sure she's cool and will be supportive! I hope everything works for you, good luck. DON'T EVER COMPROMISE YOUR SURFING TIME! Mahalo!                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        

Answer 3

That is tough, I understand where you're coming from.  I lived in the mtns for the past 12 years and was a complete freak about snowboarding, 100+ days most seasons.  I had the same issues, except no kids.  Which, I'm sure only multiples the tension that can occur.  I've found communication, understanding (both you and her), and simply not going out occasionally worked the best.  Make sure your wife understands how much it means to you.  In return, you will have to put in extra QT with the fam.

Going out early as previously suggested can also help, while they are sleeping you get to play.  Plus, the waves are less crowded and there is something special about that time of day.

Answer 4

Hi: I'm not a surfer, rather I kayak as obsessively as it sounds like you surf. I find that if my husband feels like he's missing out on time with me, or if he gets stuck alone with the kid-morning routine, he gets reasonably resentful.

I get around it by getting onto the water around 5 AM (or whenever it is light enough to see safely.) Then, I can have a lovely time and still get home before he needs backup with the kids.