How to overcome my Jealousy thats tearing my relationship apart.?

Question

Me and my boyfriend are both 23 years of age. We been together 1 year and have a 2 1/2 month old and a 2 1/2 year old boy that i had from a previous marriage. I always been a little jealous but it seems like its getting really bad lately. I accuse him of looking at women, and talking to other people. I know he doesn't and i dont know why i do it. It seems like my hormones are taking over and i dont know how to control it. He works all day while i stay at home with the kids. He always comes straight home after work and i know he would never hurt me but why am i so inseccure. I know i cause arguments because of this and its gotten to the point where he's telling me if i dont change very soon he will leave me. He says the stress isnt good for him and that i need to trust him or i shouldnt be with him.. I know i need to change but how can we start fresh. Today we went out and i didnt accuse him of looking at anyone but he still got mad at me saying he cant handle me and my jealousy. I have to start somewhere so what should i do to show him that im trying and i really want to be different and work this out before its too late!

Answer 1

What I would do first is to make sure that I feel s**y about myself. Go and buy some new clothes that you think makes you look extra beautiful, do your make-up and your hair, just give yourself a little make-over. Once you feel s**y about yourself, you will have more confidence in yourself. When you go out with your boyfriend, always smile and laugh as often as possible. Go bowling together and act like a teenager. Your still so young! Only 23! When you have a strike, jump like crazy, when you loose, laugh at yourself.

I really wish you good luck. Look in a mirror every morning after you do your make-up and say, "I'm beautiful"! It's all about how you feel about yourself, not what he thinks of other women.

After I solved a problem of my low self esteem, I was jealous no longer. Good luck.

Edit: Oh by the way, I know you didn't mention it, but I thought I would. Even ladies (in general) with weight problems can feel s**y about themselves. I just wanted to make it clear that you don't have to look like a model to feel beautiful. Just take care of yourself (make-up, hair, clothes, shoes) and you'll be fine.

Also, even if you're not overweight, you might just start doing some exercise at home to boost your energy.

Answer 2

Maybe you need to consult your doctor about postpartum depression.

Answer 3

He is at the end of his rope and you are the cause. Just stop being so insecure and trust him. You are ruining the relationship and before long, you will never be able to have another relationship again if you don't learn to restrain yourself.  It is normal for a person to look at another person of the opposite s*x and yes, talk to them too. I used to have issues like you but I have made myself let go of the feeling. It still makes my mind wonder about her faithfulness but I trust her. She has a guy friend where she works and his name is Peter. At first I was wondering what she was up to with Peter. It ate at me until I met him. He is 5'2" tall 57 years old, and just a friend to her. I worried over nothing.

Answer 4

just think be4 you speak.  

Answer 5

You say you want a fresh start so do it right now this min. Take control over your thoughts & dont let irrational thoughts enter your mind. Its up to you to do this your BF isnt the one with the problem you are. Make a positive change in yourself.

Answer 6

It sounds like your are a very insecure person. You have no confidence about yourself and so you're upset that he is looking at other women. If you feel good about yourself, you won't be afraid that he will be attracted by any other woman. You have to do something to build up your confidence.... like take good care of yourself and your family, something that you will be proud of and for sure he will be proud of having you. Continuous jealousy will definitely kill the relationship.

Answer 7

Jealousy is a disease!  I have known several friends that destroyed their relationships and even families over unwarranted jealousy!  Nobody wants to be questioned or accused of doing something they did not do.  Or suspicion without cause.  But like I said, some people have the disease.  It's almost like other personality disorders, obsessions, character flaws that can ruin person’s relationships.  Like alcoholism, drug addiction, eating disorders, gambling addictions, temper, s*x addiction, pornography, etc.  Anything that controls a person’s thoughts and emotions to the point where it affects their marriage or relationship (and especially the other person).  Whenever you are yelling, hitting, neglecting, accusing your partner than it is a serious deal.  Eventually he will probably leave you.  I would too, especially if I was innocent.  In addition, I have been married twice 15 year total and never cheated or flirted around with other women.  It would badly p**s me off to keep being accused of something I had no intention of doing.  I would try to change yourself!  Turn away from your past behavior.  Get some counseling!  Pray!  Maybe even hypnotism?  But most of all a determination to change and to turn away from something.  Just like weight loss if people make up their mind to finally change and control their habits, they can do it.  It may not be easy but the will can be controlled if you have the inner character to change.  I should know, I changed paths from a radically different life when I was younger (drugs, crime, addiction, etc).  People CAN change!

Answer 8

get a job and stop worry about what he thinks of u.  pay a lil bit more attention on ur son and urself

Answer 9

First you need to be happy with who you are...It's not something that is going to happen overnight it will take time but show him that you are trying to work on it...And as far as him looking/glancing at other women, everyone looks its just human nature...if you were happy with who you are then it wouldnt bohter you...You have to love yourself before anyone else can...You can fall in a deep depression by being a stay at home mom...Sometimes its better to get out and work and get time to yourself...Everyone needs that sometimes...

Answer 10

Stop accusing him of looking at women - we all look but if he starts to stare and make flirty moves, then you could say something. You are obviously insecure - it may be because now that you have kids, you don't feel as attractive or because of your previous relationship. Maybe you were told something that hurt you and is still hurting you and you need to let it go.  Stop worrying so much and live happy - one day at a time.. I dont know if you're religious or anything - but praying always helps. My man accuses me because he is jealous and i hate it. A person can only take so much.  Get ready to where you feel pretty - dress s**y for your man and just show him lots of love.

Answer 11

Just your immaturity.  I'm surprised he hasn't left you.  I wouldn't want to be with someone like that.

Answer 12

Honestly, he's right. You really need to stop this. I'm glad you realize that you have a problem. As silly as it sounds, that's the first step. I think it would be really beneficial for you to go see a behavioral psychiatrist. They will be able to help you see why you are feeling this way and help you train your brain to think differently. It doesn't mean there is something mentally wrong with you, it just means you need a little help figuring these things out by yourself. I really really think this is your way to go. Not only will it help you, but it will show him that you are trying your best to change. Look into it.