How to plan to leave gambling/alcoholic husband? ?

Question

Married 10 years 2 children 8(this marriage) 16(previous). Beginning of marriage husband handled finances and made a mess by gambling sports betting, unnecessary hobbies, opening credit cards under my name without knowledge - took over finances for last 3 years..close some cards but still are debt is so big it would shock you if I gave total. We had purchased a home when we first married but from his refinances etc.. on top of other debt it seems impossible to get out of this marriage! And the worse part is that he is an alcoholic but will not admit to it.. I have done all the things other co-dependents do..throw out beer/wine threaten to divorce, ignore, begged nicely, screamed...asked ..if you don't have a problem, then stop for me and kids...he went to 2 different therapists with me (to shut me up) and as soon as they mention to stop drinking because it bothers "me"..he stops going to sessions... He is not a mean guy..Everyone loves the funny happy go lucky guy - fun guy...I appear to be the angry bitter wife... I have moved to the couch because last time I locked our bedroom door because he was smashed, he punched a hole in the door... Which I ended up fixing 2 years later... What do I do? I have all this debt and if we can sell our home for the amount of mortgage (doubtful right now)..where do I go..he will not leave the home and I will not leave because I have the kids to worry about and I work full time from my home. Unless he beats me, I can't get the police to order him out of the house...and he actually thinks I am the crazy one and he has no problems! He walks around the house (slurring/stumbling usually) like nothing is wrong. He goes to work but about 1x per month calls in sick on a Monday due to big drinking night Sunday. He does nothing around the house...nothing... I feel like his is just more added work for me. He thinks its about the money/debt and said if we won the lotto and had no debit, I would be fine.. I reply...yes it would...Pay all debt and split rest and file for divorce..then all would be fine...

I am trying to wait for my oldest to graduate from HS so that he won't have to go through a divorce again.

Is there a way to ready myself better before I hand over divorce papers? And be forced to live in same house before sale?

Thank you for any suggestions!

Answer 1

Change the locks.

Answer 2

Your oldest is not going to disappear when he graduates. Do not wait- GET A LAWYER.

Answer 3

wow.. this is really hard for u and the kids. but you need to be happy for ur kids! if u are not happy u kids are not happy. get the papers ready have him served by an officer and go to a shelter near you. they will help u get on your feet specially because u come from a troubled marriage. take the kids w you and get out! someone that drunk and crazy can hurt you and ur kids!

Answer 4

I'd of found a way to get his *** out and would of divorced him a long time ago.  

Answer 5

U can have him be put in jail for putting credit cards in ur name without telling u. That is against the law for somebody to do that to u. I would divorce him before hand. I know u wanna let him graduate high school but that is just wrong of him to go behind ur back. Kick him out i would cause a good person don't deserve to get treated like that.

Answer 6

Do you have any kind of support system around you? Family, a good friend? I would suggest moving in temporarily with them. A day after you move, serve him with divorce papers. If you don't feel like he poses a danger to the children, you can ask what kind of schedule he'd like to work out as to who takes care of them at what times. You can't just up and take them away though; that's kidnapping.

I don't think you can sell the house just yet. It will probably be decided who gets the house in the divorce proceedings.

As for getting ready, a good thing to do is to explain what's about to happen to the kids. Don't let it sneak up on them. Explain as best you can that it isn't their fault and that you still love them.

If you, for some reason, are forced to stay in the same house while you divorce just make it clear that you are only staying for financial reasons. You say he once broke down a door to get to you when you locked yourself in a room? If he does something like that again, you CAN call the police and get protective order against him. All the police have to know is that he's an alcoholic and did physical harm to the residence with an intention (for all you know) to do physical harm to you.

Answer 7

You need to walk away.  Just leave the kids with him.

The kids will be okay.  If I were in your position.  I would be on a plane to somewhere this evening. No one would know where I was for a couple weeks at the least.

Good Luck