How to react when people share personal information?

Question

Recently a friend of mine told me that she used to be anorexic. Another friend also revealed to me that he struggles with depression and anxiety and has had negative experiences with his medication. In both instances, and whenever this type of situation has occurred previously, I had no idea how to react or what to say. I'm not sure how they would like me to react, and I'm not sure how I would want people to react if I were in their place. I try to be understanding but beyond that I really have no notion of how to deal with this type of situation. It's not necessarily that the personal information makes me uncomfortable, but rather that I don't know what response to it that people are seeking. So my question is, how do you deal with similar situations, and what sort of response do you personally feel is best?

Answer 1

You just listen to what they have to say without making judgements.

Most people just want to be listened to and acknowledged.   A supporting comment like - "well that's good you are getting over it or learning to deal with it"  or something along those lines - positive reinforcement goes a long way.

Answer 2

I have been in similar situations with friends.  Every time before they share something with me about thier past I tell them that the reason they are my friend is because of who they are now, not who they used to be or what they did.  I tell them that no matter what I will not judge them, unless they have killed someone, because I would not want them to judge me.  

Answer 3

This is a very tough question because each time someone confides in you the situation is different.

Sometimes it can be a friend that tells you something that you didn't know about them but you might have suspected.  Sometimes it can be someone who you've just met and they feel they can open up to you because you won't judge them like their friends might.  In either case I think it's best to just be supportive and positive and not judgemental.  I don't think they really want any specific advice unless they ask for it but it's more a matter of getting whatever it is off their chest.  You probably have a personality that seems trustworthy and are most likely a good listener which prompts people to open up to you.

Answer 4

I think you should share something similar about yourself after summarizing what they feel (validation) and asking them questions. For example, if someone tells you they used to be anorexic, you could ask them what it was like for them or you could just say "that must have been really hard." You could then share something similar (information about anorexia, a personal situation, someone else's personal situation without naming names, etc.).

Either way, I do think you should acknowledge it or the other person could feel uncomfortable or like they are making YOU uncomfortable...and it will just cause a lot of awkwardness.

On the other hand, if the person changes the subject or laughs it off, maybe they aren't ready to talk about it in depth yet and you should just drop it or approach it from a more conversational stand, without the validation and excessive questions.

Answer 5

If they start talking about something, chances are they need to get something off their chest. It also shows that they have some level of trust in you. Let them talk, ask questions if you want (but don't pry), if they don't want to answer, they don't have to.

Oh, and whatever you do, do not make a big deal out of it, don't act shocked, or offended.

Answer 6

I usually respond with "I'm sorry to hear that."  I guess I'd ask the anorexic how she overcame it and I'd ask the depressive what his negative experiences with medication have been.  Then listen.  

Answer 7

i find that responding to such situations as this should be handled seriously. however, still with as much sympathy as you can produce.

  Perhaps you should also reveal information about yourself, that is similar to what they are saying, or speak of others you know of who are like them. it often helps people to make them feel they are not alone. If you don't want to give personal information, than just try to be understanding. make them feel happy with themselves. The happier they are, the less they feel should be revealed.

  hope this helps!

    ~Jessica