How to reconnect with my father?

Question

I used to be a daddys little girl when I was a kid. We were very close until I entered high school. He got remarried and my stepmom hates me. She thinks he should spend more time with her than with me. My dad ALWAYS stood up for me and said I come first in his life. But then she got pregnant and slowly he started siding with her. There was a very big incident and he chose her over me and since that day our relationship was never the same. I moved in with my mom and rarely saw my dad. I'm 22 years old now and I still rarely ever talk to him. Only twice a year, at the most. He just announced he is going to visit me next week. My stepmom is also coming. I don't know if she still hates me or not. How should I act around them? This is going to be very awkward. Should I bring up our past or ignore it?

Answer 1

No i dont think you should bring up your past that made you two seperate it wil make you and him feel very uncomfortable.Talk about things that made you feel happy with him, talk about the things you did together etc and how it feltmal and how you feel comfortable. I know its hard being around them so suddenly but just act normal. Good luck xx

Answer 2

You need to realize that a spouse comes first. Children will grow up and leave you and move away to have their own lives but a spouse is (ideally) with you forever as your companion. Could it be that you approached your stepmom negatively when you were a kid? Being a stepmom is very difficult. You're an adult now and need to reach out to your dad and your stepmom both. Try to get to know her as a person and realize her situation probably hasn't been easy with you. Your stepmom would have no reason to hate you so if you approach her with a friendly, mature attitude and open heart, you'll most likely get along great which will pave things for getting along smoothly with your dad.  

Answer 3

forget the past, and just start new, catch up, maybe see the stepmoms baby, and if the stepmom still hates you, then that's her problem, no offense but i think that's really childish to be wanting attention like that, and making your dad forget about you, but why does she hate you, there must be a reason, but you know, you can't make someone love you, so if she hates you still, then i guess you just gotta ignore her and focus on rebuilding you relationship with your dad

Answer 4

I really feel for you! I went through a simular thing myself. Blended families are never an easy thing. Everyone is trying to find there place, sometimes people feel neglected (as the child/parent/new partner) etc.

There is no rule book that comes with a blended family and dealing with the issue's you have faced.

Your dad's new wife could have been jealous of the relationship you he had with you! Maybe she wanted to be the number 1 person in his life. Possibly, because she didnt have kids herself she just didnt know how to deal with situations and didnt go about dealing with things in a better way.Your poor dad must have felt so in the middle at times!

I know some of what im saying doesnt have alot to do with the question you are asking. Im not defending the actions of your dad and stepmom (espically since i dont know what happened)...I just wanted to mention that blended families are extrememly hard...

Now to your question. I would met up with them and see how it goes. What has happened in the past is in the past. You cant change it, only learn from it. If it means that much to you maybe you mention to your dad how hurt you were at that time. Really, I would just wait and see what happens! Go with the flow and make your choice from there. It might feel a little strange at first but hopefully, everyone has learnt and grown a little since then and you can work on building the relationship back up with your dad!

I wish you all the best!! Goodluck!