How to reform a messy boyfriend to do his share of the cleaning?

Question

I bought a house about a year ago and my boyfriend moved in 3 months ago... since then I feel like all I do is clean up after him.

I am a self-proclaimed neat freak and usually love doing household chores (cooking, cleaning, dusting, etc), but it's getting exhaustive. I feel like a broken record complaining to him about it all the time, and he doesn't change.

What I ask is mostly simple things- don't leave dirty dishes and cups at the computer desk, don't leave clothes laying on the floor in the bedroom, clean his hairs off the sink/countertop after shaving. Nothing like vacuuming or scrubbing his tub, I do all of that and don't mind.

I feel like he doesn't respect my sanity and never will. I'm also starting to not want kids because I can't picture cleaning up after him AND a kid. A kid is expected to do these things, not a 24 year old man... anyone had this problem or have suggestions what I can do? My frustration is at a max right now.

Answer 1

First of all, I am a man.  From what you have told about what you are doing at home on a regular basis, I think that one should praise you.

I see myself as a philosopher like Socrates.

I like to reply to people in a way such that they understand what I mean.  So, you shouldn't just mention to him what you consider to be better, but you should tell him to improve in a certain way to improve himself and his kid.

In this chat, I will not tell you what is a better way to behave, but I will tell you how you should try to convince him.  Show him the bad effects that his behavior causes when leaving behind dirty dishes and stuff, like

- at home

- at business meetings

- at meetings with friends.

- with his kids

And when it all does not help, you must be able to realize that he is not the best boyfriend/husband that you can find.  There might be better ones.

Answer 2

Believe me, he will never change.  He is messy and lazy and that is his personality.  If it drives you nuts now, think about in years to come.  If that is what you want to spend your life doing, fine, if not give him notice to quit now.  Perhaps when you tell him you cannot stand it he will try to change, if he keeps it up, fine, if not get rid girl.  Best wishes to you and good luck.

Answer 3

the guy is a dog.

Get rid of him now.

Or put up with this bull **** for a few years and then get rid of him.

Answer 4

He won't change. I should know as Ive been married over 40 years. I've picked up after him and my kids and was not happy about it. In those days men were not expected to do these things. They went to work and you did everything else.

It wasn't very fair and I never did really accept it. I just did it and was quite resentful. too.

Answer 5

Darn it all.  I just let my step daughter and her hubby move out...FINALLY.  I had to pick up after him every morning.  He's wife would do it when she was off.  My own hubby isn't a slob, but I pick up after him, and he picks up/turns off lights after me.  

Tell him to clean up or move out.  Without an attitude, sit and discuss the chores that need to be done and how he is tiring you out by giving you more than necessary.

"Look, I really love you, but I can't keep this up with all that isn't getting done around here.  You need to step up and clean up after yourself, so I can do the stupid normal things that NEED to be cleaned."

Hope I helped.  Having a "Coming To Jesus" with him might just help him "man up".

Answer 6

you have to ask yourself, are you his mum or his girlfriend??

I'd make him move out as its your house and he is just taking the mick.

its common courtesy to respect anothers home and clean up after yourself and he doesn't even do that.

the wisest words my nan gave me were " you can never change a man, he'll only change if he wants to". trust me, this one doesn't.