How to resolve a problem with one of my close girlfriends? ?

Question

My friend and I have known each other for years.

As of lately, both of us are ready to make two big life changing decisions:

She is getting married, and I have turned down a 4-year college to start school at a community college to live with my fiancee.

We're both 20 years old, and I feel as though decision her decision to get married is in poor judgment. And vice versa.

She thinks it's a poor decision for me to go to community college and then go to a 4 year university. As opposed to starting at a 4-year school directly.

We both have valid reasoning for thinking that the others decision is questionable at best. However, she is a very close friend of mine and we're having problems getting over this hurdle.

It's hard for me to be supportive of the wedding (and I was supposed to be the Maid of Honor)

And it's hard for her to be supportive of my move (she was there when I moved last time, and it had poor results)

Either way, we have to walk on eggshells when we talk nowadays to avoid WWIII. It's sort of ruining the relationship. Do you think we should try and work it out? We are having a lot of problems finding middle ground (because we're both two strong-willed women)

The burden of walking around on eggshells, and not being able to talk about the two big life-changes we're experiencing together is putting a ton of stress on our relationship!

How do we make this work?

**I'm not looking to hear who's right, and who's wrong, we both feel these decisions are the right choices in our hearts. And we're both intelligent ladies**

I'd just like to hear if anyone had any ideas to mend our broken relationship.

Answer 1

How to make it work?  The reason it's not working is because you are both passing judgement on each other.  If you know that you have made the right decision for you, why aren't you willing to accept that she has made the right decision for her?  This is a respect issue.. it would appear that neither one of you are able to respect the other person's decision, because it doesn't mesh with the one you would have made.

True friendship doesn't include judgement.  Yes, you each have the right to express your opinion, but if you value the other person - her intelligence, humor, support, etc., accepting that she made a decision that is good for her is easy.  

Answer 2

did you see the movie prom night? at the end the girl said she wanted to go to the same college as her boyfriend and he was like " you got this great opportunity and im not going to take it away from you, i cant be selfish and let my needs ruin your careers and **** like that" but it sounds like you and your friend are having problems. you should go to her house or write her a letter and tell her how you feel, tell her that you want everything to be how it used to be when there was so arguments and you were good all the time. life it to short to fight with friends. explain to her how you want everything better for the both you.  

Answer 3

I think it's an issue of boundaries really. Boundaries help define who we are. You wanting to go to a community college with your fiance is your choice. It's your life. You will have to live with the pros and cons of that choice.

On the other hand, her getting married is her choice as well and she'll have to live with the pros and cons of that choice.

A healthy & good friendship allows each party to be themselves and gives both people the freedom to choose something the other may not always agree with. It also has space and a place for honesty and disagreement, sometimes even heated disagreement but not disrespect or controlling behavior. When we try to control others when they don't do what we think is best, even when it is best, it's not loving or walking in self control. It's others control verses self control.

I'd suggest having a sit down with her and kindly and respectfully trying to come to a place of reconciliation in your relationship. You may have to agree to disagree but you both can chose to walk in respect and look beyond the strong feelings and differences. Differences can be a good thing in life and relationships! Life would be boring and unsafe without them!

As Dr. Henry Cloud once said, "To the degree that you are a mirror, you are disposable."