How to resolve guilt and marriage problems resulting from lack of knowledge of birth vaccine?

Question

My son was born in February. He is now six months old. Before he was born I did research about various things including birth plans and interviewed a pediatrician that my friend recommended. I did not research vaccines in particular, I asked my husband about it and he said it was uneccesary and would just make me paranoid. I had an emergency c section and a day afterward the hospital staff offered a shot in the nursery, the hepatitis b vaccine. I waited to talk to my doctor and husband about the vaccine b/c I had never heard of it. After talking to my doctor I was still unsure about the vaccine b/c on my interview one of her partners gave me the vaccine schedule and it said they gave it at one month. I also asked the pediatrician if my son could contract hep b in the hospital and they said no it was spread through needles and s*x. I told the pediatrician and my husband that I thought we should wait until one month like their schedule said. My husband read the sheet and saw that yeast was an ingredient in the vaccine and he pointed out that he had a yeast allergy. The doctor told him that if he had an allergy and we were worried about our son it was better to have the shot now where neonatal was available than at a month old when he could die on the way to the hospital in an ambulance. I was very worried and this point and said I wanted to wait on the shot and my husband insisted it was better to have it now. My husband later told me that he was raised that you could not say no to vaccines and that they were never optional. He told me in the hospital that it would be fine and I was upset and confused about the pediatrician's schedule because I had been awake over 48 hours between labor, the c section, and trouble nursing. I told him that I wanted to come with to the nursery and he told me to stay in the bed and rest. I did research and read the Vaccine Book after I got home from the hospital and I was very angry at the doctor (for recommending something totally unecessary) and at my husband for not respecting my feelings. My son is six months old now and he is developmentally fine but he has severe eczema and skin rashes. I do not know the impact this vaccine had on my son. He had a second dose of Hep b at his one month visit and a DTAP at his two month visit and then I stopped vaccinating him at all. My husband and I disagree about vaccination, he says it is normal so we should do it and he does not care about the individual diseases and risks of the vaccines although he is very concerned about his food allergies and how they will affect our son. We still have arguments to this day about what happened in the hospital, I felt that he and the doctor overrode my objections to the hep b vaccine and my husband says it is not his fault that he listened to the doctor. He said the doctor is the expert not me, so he should not be faulted for his decision. How can we settle this matter and how can I resolve my upset feelings about my son's birth? I still get upset about the birth and the shot and I know there is nothing I can do to change it so I need to know how to move on.

Answer 1

    There is something going on here much more obscure than a single vaccination.  First of all, vaccinations are necessary.  It is wrong to refuse to give them to children.  The diseases that they prevent are fatal to children.  You are risking your child's life every day that he goes without a vaccine his doctor recommends.  I think you are viewing a difference of opinion as a major affront to your motherhood.  You and your husband are going to disagree about a million things a day when it comes to parenting.  If you view every difference of opinion as an insult to you, then you two will be divorced before the kid's second birthday.  And when it comes to vaccinations, the courts would rule on his side.  It is critical that you two set up some system of compromise.  You are the child's mother, but he is his father.  You seem to feel that your word is the final one, and that is not the way it works with parenting.  You are trying to connect his current health status-eczema-to birth events.  It is far more likely that the child has a system that is prone to allergies and sensitivities, like your husband's allergies.  Do not make a mountain out of a molehill.  Have you seen a doctor to be evaluated for post partum depression?  It sounds like you may be struggling with a mild case of it and not even realize it.  It's been six months since all of this happened, and you haven't managed to let go of it.  See a doctor for yourself and see if that doesn't help you resolve all of this before it destroys your life and possibly your son's.

Answer 2

That sounds extremely stressful - both being concerned that the vaccine may have caused your son's eczema and being in conflict with your husband while just trying to do the right thing for your son.  I think the doctor was being pushy about your son receiving that particular vaccine, and that he probably didn't need it right then.  That said, I highly doubt that the shot caused your son's eczema and I really hope that you will not let this bad experience keep you from getting him the rest of his vaccinations.

I know there has been a lot of press lately about how people believe that vaccinations are causing their kids to develop autism or have other problems.  It is possible for a vaccine to cause a reaction (especially if your son is potentially allergic to one of the vaccine ingredients); however, most physicians don't believe that autism is one of those reactions, and I haven't heard of eczema being one either.

The most important point I want to make about childhood vaccines is that they were developed to prevent people from getting some really horrible diseases that can have lifelong consequences or even kill someone.  Yes, there is a risk of a side effect from the shot, but that risk is miniscule in comparison to the danger of leaving your son unvaccinated, especially now that a lot of other parents are refusing to vaccinate their children.  We're losing what's known as "herd immunity;" in some areas of the country, not enough people are vaccinated to keep these diseases that had been under control from spreading.  I think there's nothing wrong with learning about the vaccines your son's doctor wants to give him, but at the same time I think you need to look into the diseases they're supposed to prevent.  I strongly, strongly urge you to get him the rest of his childhood vaccines when he's old enough.  You can spread them out more if you like, but it would be best for him to be as protected as possible against these diseases that are making a comeback due to people refusing vaccines.

On a separate note, it sounds like you and your husband are having trouble getting past the Heb B vaccine incident.  If you're arguing about it a lot and not getting anywhere, and especially if it's starting to affect your relationship, you may want to consider seeing a counselor at least for a little while to help resolve this.  It sounds like one of those situations that could easily become a stalemate.