How to resolve this minor issue?

Question

I really don't like golf and I've always found it was a huge turnoff for some reason when someone is interested in golf. Mostly because it is a rich people "sport" and because it's so expensive and terrible for the environment, but it may also be the type of person I've met who is typically involved or interested in it, which usually seems to be overweight middle-aged men who don't know what to do with their money and have little regard for women.

Either way, golf has always been a huge turnoff for me. I respect that some people enjoy it, I'm just really not into it and really not into ppl who enjoy it... usually.

My bf recently told me that he was getting a day off at work to go play golf with his coworkers. Without thinking, I responded a disgusted "ugh". I realize he was excited about it and didn't mean to rain on his parade, but for some reason the thought of him playing golf was a total turnoff!

He got all upset at my reaction and said that if I did something he didn't enjoy he would be happy for me and then guilt-tripped me by saying he wouldn't go.

I don't really understand his reaction. I don't expect him not to go just because I don't like golf, but am I supposed to pretend I like golf to please his ego???

What's going on here?

Answer 1

Your rude and stereotyped all golfers  Perhaps you have been wronged or something buy a guy in some plad pants wearing a funny hat... Let go its golf.. it ain't disgusting.. is he fat and over weight?  lol do you have to watch him play??? you make it sound like he is out rolling in a pile of waste.. Besides.. why is this in the married section.. take it to the single kiddie section.

Answer 2

you don't have to like his sporting activities but he is right you shouldn't make disgusted noises when he says he's going to do something that he enjoys but you don't care for.  

How would you like it if you said "hey baby I'm going to go do (whatever it is that you enjoy)" and he did what you did to him.  How would that make you feel?  You might not feel like going.  You might start to question if your BF really liked you and if he was really that small minded that his feelings for you would change because you enjoyed doing something he didn't like. (I'm not a golf fan either, but really, there are worse things than golf--he could be down at the local tittie bar getting a BJ in the VIP room)

If you can't control your outbursts better than that then you will lose him.  And if you really do have that much of an aversion to golf then maybe he's not the right guy for you.

edit:

it sounds like you're equally matched on the maturity level.  Wait for him to cool off and then talk about it.  Explain that you didn't mean for him not to go and ask him why he didn't go.  

FWIW:  no one can take you on a guilt trip--they may supply the transportation but you drive that car all on your own.

edit:

you don't pretend to appreciate what each other does.  You accept that you are different people and you allow them to enjoy their past times without making pouty faces and eye rolls when they do their thing.  And if you have some moral objection to their past time then you break up with them.

Answer 3

You're asking this question as if he is definitely the problem. It is a strong possibility here that he isn't the only problem, and you should probably realize that.

"am I supposed to pretend I like golf to please his ego"

Honestly, if that's something that he really enjoys and you truly value your relationship, yes. You are supposed to pretend to be interested even if you truly aren't. Yeah honesty is great and everything, but you can be honest and say you hate golf without poo-poo'ing on his accomplishments or desires to golf. "Wow, you got a birdie! That's great! You know I hate golf, but good job."

I have to question your reasons for disliking golf so much. I was once the same way, but I love it now. I am confused on how golf is bad for the environment. For example, golf courses in the city take land that would probably be used for a strip mall or wal-mart and completely covers it in plants and freshwater. They encourage animals to go on the course and fish to live in the water as it makes the course more appealing for golfers.

I'm a woman. I'm 22. I'm skinny. And I golf. Shocking, huh? Guess what? I'd say around half of the other golfers I come across on the course are under the age of 30. And I NEVER see an overweight golfer. Maybe 1 out of 50. You simply can't swing correctly with a big belly. And yeah, it's a sport you can play until you're old. But that's a beautiful thing, not a downside. You can't play hockey when you're 60 without breaking a hip.

Golf is a very difficult sport. It might not seem like it from the outside but it is hands down the most difficult sport I have ever played, and that includes hockey, basketball, volleyball, track and field, football, softball, etc. etc. It is very very difficult to make that little ball go where you want.

TL;DR version:

I think you should give golf a chance, and if you really want your boyfriend to be happy, you need to support him in his interests, even if you hate them. In my opinion of course.

Answer 4

I have the same feelings about Golf. People have tried for years to get me to play it saying it's good for networking etc etc. But I can't help thinking of golf as a bunch of fat republican country club guys in dorky clothes. My advice, don't act like you like something you think sucks. Ever. As long as you don't try and stop him from doing it.

Answer 5

You were disgusted with something he likes. That made him feel you were disgusted with him personally.

You don't have to like golf. I don't like golf. I think it's boring. But I get along fine with golfers, and do not share your new-to-me stereotypes of golfers.  My dad liked golf.  He wasn't rich, and played on the public courses. He did not visit the elite country clubs when invited because he objected morally to their exclusionary membership policies. My dad was an environmentalist from the time Rachel Carson's book came out. My dad was not a Republican. My dad respected women and supported the ERA. My dad wasn't fat - is it wrong to be fat?  And there is nothing unique about my dad being a golfer.  I could say similar things about my brother-in-law or anyone else I know who plays. I see high school kids playing golf, women playing golf - your boyfriend might be as surprised as I am to find you feel this way about it.

Your boyfriend may not be guilt-tripping you. He may actually be trying to please you after your words made HIM feel guilty about playing.

Of course you're not supposed to pretend you like golf to not hurt his ego. But it would be nice to realize it's just something you don't enjoy doing, not an activity engaged in by people of poor character.  Being honest is good, but I don't get the feeling you explained to him openly and honestly that you felt strongly about the environmental impact of golf courses, and that your boyfriend playing it led you into cognitive dissonance about how you had this feeling golfers were old, fat woman-haters, and you don't think of your boyfriend as an old, fat woman-hater.  That might have actually led to a productive discussion.  It might have led to a laugh and some hugs.

I do not mean to be insulting in any way. But I agree 100% with what Invisigoth wrote about accepting each other's differences and pastimes or, if you really have a moral objection to them, being open and direct about it.

As you say, it's a minor issue.  You could resolve it by apologizing.

Answer 6

yeah golf is a turnoff  you should tell him what you told me and tell him that you want him to go and have fun with his buddies... and maybe you will like golf better if someday you went and played together ... he can show you how... its not just a rich people sport like they want you to think... i have very little money and i play occasionally with my bf ... acctually i hated golf untill he showed me how to play and he is the only one i play with ...so give it atry and tell him to go ...  

Answer 7

I'm not totally sure what you should do just make sure you fix it before all the little problems turn into big problems... then you'll turn out like me and my ex.

Answer 8

I think that if he supports the things you like, you should too to a certain limit and I'm sure he will understand that.

Answer 9

His reaction was appropriate for your reaction..the fact that you have such an issue with golf is really kinda odd and your response petty..If it was me(and I hate golf) I woulda been fine we'll go to a strip club instead

Answer 10

Hm sounds like you have a high demand of others to follow your expectations free from their own inclination.

Its just golf, do not be upset because he wants to do something you disapprove of.

Besides, theres no grounds for your dissaproval.

If it is truly bothering you on a deep level, tell him not to go, and if he makes you feel guilty dont because him not going for the sake of not irritating the relationship outweighs him going and irritating the relationship.

Answer 11

The problem is that when you said it you were essentially lumping him into a category with what you associated with golf and that is a pretty ugly category.  Essentially if he starts playing golf he feels that you will see him as one of those people you seem to find so disgusting.

While I don't play golf often I think you need to take another look at the average golfer.  It is not a sport just for the rich, unless of course you are looking at some exclusive country club or something.  Most golf courses now days are very environmentally friendly compared to the what they used to be.  And last, there are a lot of women who play golf and the guys that play with them respect them.

Answer 12

It could be that he misunderstood your "disgust".  For all that you might have told him it is simply that you don't like golf, he might have been thinking you were upset that he was spending time with a friend instead of you (so he opted out of golf altogether).  It also could be that your boyfriend has no balls and was afraid to tell you flat out that you don't have to like "golf" but neither do you need to act like a b...h about it with the open expressions of "disgust".  

I know my wife doesn't enjoy football but she doesn't go about trying to belittle the things I enjoy to my face.  Otherwise I wouldn't have married her judgemental, sorry ***.  It is the same thing when she has her hobby / interests, they might not be "fun" to me but I don't go about railing how she is wasting her time doing something stupid (which is pretty much what your "ugh" expresses).

Answer 13

just like you responded without thinking by saying ugh. He responded without thinking by laying a guilt trip. He was hurt. He was excited about doing something he thought was fun, shared it with you, and you not only expressed disapproval about him going you did it with a gutteral disgusted sound.

Talk to him later. Explain to him that you have just always associated unattractive things with golf and that it isn't anything to do with him or because of him and that he should go because he is looking forward to it and it makes him happy..

You must realize on some level your dislike of golf is a little irrational. I mean my dad is an electrician, definately not rich, is extremely respectful of women (he raised me and my sister alone very well), and is not overweight and he likes to golf on occassion. The only thing you got right about him is that he is middle-aged but he wasn't 20 years ago and he still liked to golf.

Because your association was is a little irrational your reaction was also a little irrational. You offended him and frankly I would have been offended too if I were him and had told you about something I was excited to go do.

You talk about how his guilt tripping bothered you and how he should be mature enough to explain himself. Why aren't you mature enough to control your irrational gutteral noises when someone tells you something they are excited about? Did you apologize to him or explain yourself calmly to him? I don't think what he did is any worse than what you did and if you want to get really childish about it you did it first so you should be the one to apologize first. In other words: You started it. His reaction of guilt tripping is no less mature than making disgusted gutteral noises in response to something he is excited about becasue of a mental association you have made.

This just sounds like you both managed to offend eachother unintentionally. Tell eachother sorry and move one.  

Answer 14

I would apologize for your reaction, explain how you feel about golf to him (if you haven't already) and then just agree that whenever he brings up golf in the future, that you will not have anything negative to say.  You don't have to pretend to like golf, in order to not be rude when he mentions it!  Support and appreciate what he enjoys to do - as it sounds he would for you!  Sometimes to save face and because you love someone, the opinions really should be kept to themselves!

Good Luck!

Answer 15

You think golf is a turn off just remember who bleeds for a week every month.  

Answer 16

You hurt his feelings as he wants to please you. Just tell him to go ahead and go because you plan to do something else anyway that day!

Then becareful not to do this again! You may do things he doesn't like and he is probably keeping to his self to spare your feelings!

Think before you speak as you seen what it can do! Good luck!

Answer 17

patch it up. and sometime you have to do you you dont want to do. just because he like golf and you dont dosent mean you rain on his parade. respect him for what he like cause he has to respect you for what you like

Answer 18

Both of you are way too tense, uptight over a trivial matter.

I think you would soften, if not completely reverse your opinion of golf and your bf's enthusiasm about it if you would take a lesson, then play a round or two.

Golf is anything BUT the rich man's game you describe, that's ancient history.  However;  I must warn you...it IS addictive...but legal.  

Answer 19

Justtell him you do not mind him going at all, you just do not care for the game yourself.Hwoever, before you set your mind in concrete, try playing put put sometime.

Answer 20

You have to be more Carefull of what you say. I think you should talk to him about why you dislike golf. Say it in a calming way. Golf is too little to get in a fight over. I think your also following stero types about gold being a rich mans sport. I come from a not so wealthy family and my dad golfs. I find it boring too tho. Also you two should find hobbys you enjoy together. You can still have your time together but yet agian be able to do your own thing. Theres imperfections in everyone that somtimes is the reason you love them. They will never get boring to you.  

Answer 21

It's not about pleasing his ego, it's about showing your love and respect to him. Guys are a lot easier going with this kind of stuff. I always went to quilting class. My husband never said a word yet I know in my heart that he would have preferred us doing something else together instead. I thanked him be inviting him out at another time. That's what a relationship is about. It's about the other person, not ourselves. If both put the other first, each person benefits.

You are not married yet. So if this is something that you won't accept, then you have the option of moving on. That's what dating is all about.

Answer 22

It seems that you believe that you have to give your opinion on every activity that your boyfriend does. Your ego must be massive. Unless your boy mentions that he is going to go to a strip club, throw eggs at the homless, torture small kittens, etc., you don't need to comment. Let the poor guy have some fun.

Obviously you fall into the category of those who believe in stereotypes. Open up your world. Stop being so close minded. It seems as though your boyfriend is a great guy who values your opinion. Save that power over him for something more important.  

Answer 23

Sounds like he was really excited probably more about getting the day off work than playing golf and wanted to share that with you.  Try telling him that you're real happy he got the day off and maybe something about how even golf is better than working.  You don't have to pretend to like golf but be happy for him for getting off work.

Answer 24

Golf is for wimps. I would go into detail about them football players in them tight pants and biceps to die for.

Answer 25

He has a point, he was excited about something and you blew him off.

If he were playing everyday I would understand you're reaction but sorry I think you were wrong.

Go ahead give me a thumbs down...