How to respond in a situation like this?

Question

I get really frustrated with my dad who seems to think I'm his personal secretary whenever we're in the car together.

This weekend my grandmother called his cell phone 3 times while we were driving and instead of pulling over or ignoring it and calling when the car is stopped he expected me to handle it like i'm his personal assistant.

He hands me the phone and says, call her back and find out what this is about.

I realize he was being road-safe by not taking the call himself, but he didn't even politely ask he just handed me the phone and imposed it on me, placing me in the uncomfortable position of calling my grandmother and being intermediary to what she had to say to him. I found it rude and disrespectful.

Adding insult to injury, after I told him, why don't you just call her back later, he got upset and goes "nevermind!"

Am I overreacting? Is this just getting to me because he does this several times every time we are in a car together. How would you handle this?

Answer 1

I think you are over reacting.  Why is it uncomfortable for you to call your grandmother back to see what she wanted?

I do get irritated when people do this to me constantly.  For example, last weekend my parents were in town with my grandmother.  My mom and my cousin dont speak to each other, but my grandmother was going to spend one of the nights there. So instead of my cousin and my mom coordinating with each other, I had to play the middle man.  It wasnt uncomfortable, but certainly irritating.

Perhaps you could suggest to him to get a headset for his phone, and wear it in the car.  I like blue tooth, but they still make corded headsets that are inexpensive.  That way, he can answer the call himself.

Answer 2

I would assume that he values your responsibility and good manners on the phone to ask you to handle his calls while he is driving.  He thinks you can handle yourself well enough to help him communicate with his mother.  I would be honored that he thinks so highly of me.  

Put a different spin on it.  

Also, you may want to have a convo w/ your dad about his relationship w/ his mother.  There may be something you don't know.  You sound like a smart young person and I think you can relate more adult to adult on this issue with him.

Answer 3

I fare to say you are "overreacting" just a tad bit.  Your Father will not be around forever, just as your grandmother will not be.   Perhaps you didn't realize it, but they were just trying to keep in the "scoop" or the "realm" of the family because you are growing up and "away".  It meant a lot to him for you to be his "personal assistant" so you called it, but to him you were his "dear sweet daughter" who was helping him so he could safely maneuver the car.  He loves you and wants to protect you.  He meant absolutely no disrespect at all.  Trust me.

Peace & Love  :)

Answer 4

On one hand, If it were any other caller, I'd be p*ssed.  I would just turn the darn phone off and tell your dad that you are not his personal assistant, and besides, he doesn't need to know who called while he's driving.  Good for him for not answering while driving, though.  

However....since it's your grandmother, she's older and you never know what the call could be.  So in this case, since she is an older person with possible health issues, she could be calling him to let him know something's wrong.  I do think, though, you guys should ask her why she's calling so many times.....if it's not important, she needs to get the message that she needs to stop calling so frequently.  

There is no reason for people to pick up every cellphone call....most calls are about nothing.  But in your father's case it could be important.  I say, check the caller ID and if it is grandma, be sure to answer and see what she wants or needs.  If she keeps doing it and it's about nothing, HE needs to tell her to knock off the calls unless it's very important, especially if he's in the car a lot.

Answer 5

Is it rude and disrespectful to be helpful to your family? Come on lighten up!  It's not like you answering the phone for one of his business partners is it?  Stop sweating the small stuff and enjoy life.

Answer 6

I've found that many parents have a habit of treating their children in bossy, disrespectful way.  It comes from the fact that you were a baby once, and they had to wipe your nose, change your diapers, think for you before you could think for yourself, and tell you what to do to keep you out of trouble.  Sometimes they forget that you're all grown up now and should be treated with respect.

I think you need to choose your battles, but essentially you are right and he is wrong.  At some point, be wise and choose the appropriate time to discuss this with your dad.  The appropriate time isn't when you're in the moment.  Wait to bring it up for your dad is relaxed, isn't distracted by things, and is focused on you and in the mood to talk to you as an adult.

The thing is, some parents are able to change their bad habits; but others are not.  Hopefully, your dad will be the type who can realize that you are an adult who merits respect, and he will check himself the next time he begins to fall back into his old habits.

Answer 7

The question was 'how would YOU handle it'. Well I would be freaking thrilled to have my dad around to ask me to do something for him. He died when I was young and dumb and before I had a chance to care. Now I care and its too late. No it isn't okay to accept just anything for fear of them dying. But is it really worth the fight? Is it really worth making him feel badly? Is it truly hurting you?

I don't have any 'family' left except for my brother who lives 4 hours away. So being able to do ANYTHING for my family would be a treat.

Sure it can be annoying. But apparently it was bothering him not know what she wanted. But obviously he was trying to get where he was going.

I wouldn't sweat it. When he is gone you might just miss being Daddy's girl. Wish I had that chance. Good luck. Oh and give your dad a hug. Its tough to hug a grave stone. They don't hug back.

Answer 8

Yeah, you're overreacting a bit.

Your father is being safe by not talking on the cell while driving and not wasting time pulling over, when he has someone to call your grandmother back.

Besides, it's your grandmother, not some client or boss of his.  It won't hurt you to help out a bit.

Answer 9

Umm... he's your dad, and he's asking you to call your grandmother. Stop being a baby about it.. you're over-reacting more than just a tad bit. I could see if he was asking you to call someone that you had never even meant but ITS YOUR GRANDMOTHER...

Answer 10

Maybe you should start keeping score of what he's done for you versus what he's asked of you.

Answer 11

I do the same thing to my daughters, ages 14 and 20, because I don't feel comfortable on my cell phone while I am driving, if it is something I need to personally take care of I pull over. I have another question for you, why do you have a problem talking to your grandmother? I assume this is your Dad's mom, I hate to be a father type here, but let me give you a quote I taught my kids - "If the problem appears to be all around you, the true cause is at the center." This works at the job, school, and with personal problems, when you find yourself saying "THEY" change it to "ME" (or "I") and the solution may present itself.

You don't feel that your Dad is rude and disrespectful, you feel put upon and forced to communicate with someone you have a problem dealing with.

This is strictly my opinion, I could be way off, but the 2 kids I mentioned above are the youngest of 4 and I teach 9-12 grade Special Ed.

Answer 12

You sound like a little brat.  Unless your grandmother is rude and mean to you on the phone there was no reason for your behavior.