How to respond to an administrator who without warning said that my son has ADHD?

Question

This is my sons second year at this school and his teacher was hired 09/07. The administrator does not teach however had received a list from my sons teacher since sept about his behavior...we were not told about it until at a recent report card conference

Answer 1

Your response is, "SHOW ME THE DATA".  What data have they been collecting?  Get a copy of it.  Did they have your permission to evaluate your child?  If not, they are out of compliance and you can call them on it.  If they have suspisions, professionally, they need to contact both parents and have them come in for a meeting.  They need to have you sign a form which allows them to evaluate your child and let you know their suspicions.  Check out the ADHD websites and really look for the signs. ADHD is typically prevelant in all environments, home and school.  It is not truely diagnosable until 7 years old, some kids are so red flagged you can see it earlier.

Words of wisdom:

  1.  Talk to your pediatrician.

  2.  Talk to previous teachers/Sunday school/CCD, coaches and ask about behavior - Is so-so able to focus?

   Is he organized?  Does he follow directions?  How many times did you need to call his name before he answered you?  Does he play well with others?  Does he tend to remain with a group of friends or does he roam from group to group or run off by himself?

  3.  Meet with the school.

  4.  Talk to your son about the school and the teacher.  

*Note- Other tramua will trigger unfocused/hyper behavior-bullying

harrassment

Over bearing teachers

Fear of adults

                         Best Wishes

Answer 2

Schools must make a referral in order to evaluate a child and parents must sign a form giving permission for testing.  There are strict guidelines for this process.  Do not let an administrator bully you as a parent.  Make them follow the guidelines.  It takes a proper diagnosis from a specialist before any plans like an IEP can be put in place, if your son qualifies for such action.  This process takes time and testing by several people - medical, psychological and special education personnel.

Answer 3

What raises a red flag is that they had plenty of time to bring any behavior "problems" to your attention well before now but chose to blindside you.  This is a technique used to intimidate; when you don't want to have your decision questioned.  It throws the other party into turmoil, on the defensive, and having to play catch-up.  Isn't that what it did to you?  It's unethical behavior no matter how you look at it.

It's time to sit down with them and say, "You prove it, and I want to see your medical degree."  Challenge them unmercifully because they deserve it.  I'd insist on knowing absolutely everything that's being observed and why it took so long for them to bring it to your attention if they thought it was a problem.  I'd point out that if they thought it was alright to wait this long to tell me about it, it's obviously not a critical problem.

I had a problem with my own daughter's school because although they claimed to be "partners in your child's education" they blindsided me in a similar manner.  I told them that I would cooperate in a solution, but that they had to work with me and keep me informed.  They would not.  And so they eventually stepped over the line and I threatened to sue them.  That's what it took to get them to cooperate with me.

What you need is some courage, if I may.  I waited until my daughter had graduated from high school before I spelled it out for her:  "I didn't really like school much when I was a kid, but I didn't learn to hate it until I was a parent."

Further, I'm widowed and raised my daughter on my own.  But my late wife was a gifted elementary teacher, and no one disputes that.  So much more the pity that she died so young.  She was very perceptive though, especially as far as reading the nature of people.  Whe she first landed her teaching job, she met with the superintendant of the school district and this is what she told me:

"He isn't an educator.  He isn't even an administrator.  He's nothing but a G********d politician!"

These people act as they do because they thrive on having people cower before them which is usually the case because the people are usually children.  But then they get used to that and try to treat everybody like children.  It's a bluff.  Don't let them get away with it.

Answer 4

What sort of list?  I'm sort of shocked that she had not voice her concerns earlier.  Teachers are NEVER allowed to state a specific diagnosis.  It's outside of our realm of professional expertise.  However, we can list behaviors that we see and suggest you discuss them with your pediatrician.  If it's bad enough we can recommend him for evaluation for an IEP.

Answer 5

Complement the prinicpal on how great he must be to get a medical license on top of degrees in education.

Answer 6

No school personnel can legally make a diagnosis of ADHD, as it is a medical diagnosis.  They can say your child exhibits the signs of someone who may have ADHD, but they cannot say he has it.

If your child has been having difficulty in the classroom the teacher should have contacted you to discuss the situation.  It is ridiculous that she waited four months and did not notify you beforehand.

As for how to respond, I would tell the administrator that the teacher has not discussed the situation with you at all. Let him/her know that this is not acceptable to you and ask why the situation was unaddressed for so long.  You should also tell this person that ADHD is a medical diagnosis that cannot be determined by school personnel, as they do not know if his behaviors occur in every environment he is in.  Ask if they have done any testing on your child because testing cannot be done without parental consent. If they have done testing, I believe you have legal recourse.  

The real question is this: do you see the same things at home, church, etc... that this teacher and administrator is seeing.  If you do, then you may want to consider taking your child to his physician for an evaluation.  If he does have ADHD it is not the end of the world and does not mean he would have to be medicated. Many kids do not take meds with ADHD.  If he should have it, he most likely would qualify for an IEP, which would give him accommodations to help him in the classroom.  If his behavior is an issue, a Behavior Intervention Plan would be put into place which outlines what his consequences would be and would protect him from being removed from school for lengthy periods of time without having a meeting first.

Good luck to you!!

Answer 7

The teacher should have talked to you about her concerns as soon as she had them.  The administrator may be doing what the teacher was afraid to do.  However, no one but a doctor can tell you that your child has ADHD.  I would take him to a neurologist to find out.

Answer 8

Ask them for a behavioral chart. When he did something, what he did, what happened right before the incident accurred and what they did right after the incident. Request that they do this for at least a month. Then ask for a copied of their findings, and inform them you will take the findings to your doctor where a real professional can make this decision.

Answer 9

Wow! You must have felt completely blindsided. Your son's teacher should have been talking to you all semester, but perhaps she was not allowed to do so by the administration.

The administrator can't diagnose your son based on some list. ADHD is a medical diagnosis. They should be setting up a meeting with you to discuss their concerns and then together, you can decide what--if anything--needs to be done. There are scales and checklists which are scored and may show attentional issues. You should be kept informed of everything being discussed about your son and his learning.

That being said, try not to go into the school baited for bear, even though it may be hard. You need to be an advocate for your son and not make enemies for him at the school. But don't be a doormat either. A good website is Wrightslaw. It is written for parents and tells you about how to navigate through the school waters.

Try not to get hung up on labels. The important thing is your son and how to help him learn best.