How to rid myself of my roommate?

Question

A friend of mine lived in another state and was unable to make ends meet. Feeling sorry for her, I told her I had an extra room if needed. Not thinking she would take me up on my offer. She moved into my third bedroom, which was my office. Her, and her two kids 11 year old and 2 year old. I have a 13 year old. So I had to move all my stuff out of my office and now its sitting in my living room in boxes. I told her I prefer to save her money so she can move into her own place. This was 6 months ago. Our children do not get along and her 2 yo is destroying apartment. My carpet, my couch just nasty with toddler goo. And her 11 yo really do not do any chores, thus my 13 yo carries the bulk of the work. I am ready for her to go, but feel bad because she just got a job, that do not pay alot. But I really beginning to think she is comfortable. How can I get her to leave without being a ****** about it and without losing a friend.

Answer 1

If she doesn't understand what an imposition she has already placed on you, then she really isn't a friend, but an opportunist. Tell her nicely that she needs to move out and give her a deadline. A month, two months, whatever works for you. Be nice about it, and understanding that it might take her a bit to find someone else to mooch off of in the meantime (oh, I meant a place to stay). I think you've lived up to your friend part of the deal; 6 months, kids fighting with each other, your upset, and a ruined place is more than enough. Now its time for you and your 13 year old to be alone. If she doesn't like it, and you lose her as a friend over it, then, really, was she your friend to begin with?

Answer 2

First, learn this lesson and in the future do not offer anything to anyone if you hope or don't expect they'll accept...you may again get surprised and then feel obligated to follow through (as you should).

Next, set some rules for the rest of the time they are there. She will clean up after her kids. There will be no destroying the apartment and she can either make the 11 yr old help, or she'll take care of it herself. Any carpet or couch stains or tears that occurred by her or her kids, should be cleaned/repaired by her or at her expense. Accidents happen, but neglect and not caring isn't acceptable in someone else's home.

Let her know you've been glad you could help her the past six months, but she seriously needs to start looking for her own place as there are too many of you crammed in your place, and you and she have different living, housekeeping, and child raising styles.

If it comes down to it, let her know that you love her as a friend, and if the friendship is to continue, you two shouldn't live together. This situation could ruin your friendship, and it does sound like she's gotten 'comfortable, and is taking advantage.

It's up to you to put a stop to it. I'm all about helping friends/family when they are in need....but when they disrespect me and my family or my things, then they forfeit my assistance.  

Answer 3

Tell her, that it is time for her to move on. Give her a date that you want her out - 30 days notice is reasonable.  

Answer 4

jerry springer is the answer... take her on the show and kick her ***!! and let out all of your anger and rage telling her the truth about your thoughts

Answer 5

You totally missed the point in this entire situation. Her situation became your problem. In the future think wiser in your generous offerings to others not knowing the whole outcome of the matter. She has no where to go, and your offer on the table made it a chance for her to continue. She obviously made little attempt ( a small paying job doesn't help if she is still stranded to move out)  to improve her life because you gave her an extended lease on making ends meet at your inconvenience. Friendship is no longer an issue, and your space of room became her saving grace. She has to move on and you have to be the bearer of bad news ,if you want your life to get back on track with the excess baggage of her children in your crowded living space. Compatibility is the key in your place and it's not happening. Do it for the sanity of your and your children. This is not working. Let her seek some other help to rectify the shortcomings of her lackluster initiative so far in her life.....

Let's hope this happens soon as you need a good cleanup of the mess the staying here made of your life and the place......

Answer 6

"Look (friend), when I offered you a place to stay, I didn't realize it would be this long.  You need to get your own place soon.  I know your job doesn't pay a lot, but I don't appreciate the damage that's happened (explain furniture damage).  I don't like that my child does all the work and your children free load.  Either they help or you need to be out by (date)."

Answer 7

Remind her that you were nice enough to let her move in, and then ask her if maybe she could chip in around the house. Maybe she could get her 11 year old to do the chores with your 13 year old.

And if she isn't willing to help out, show her where the door is. You didn't have to help her, but you were nice enough to. Tell her you feel taken for granted and something has to be done!