How to start a totally new discipline regime?

Question

I have a beautiful 6 year old daughter she is smart kind and can be very funny. But she has a rebelious streak has no respect for authority and can just act like a brat sometimes. We were better as a whole when my husband was with us but he passed away 3 years ago of lung cancer. Both my daughter and I have gone through therapy which helped and life goes on. But my daughter is still acting up I had tried rewarding the good behaviors and ignoring the bad or just removing her from a situation. I don't let her scream in wallmart. Now I want to try using a combination of timeouts and spankings. But this will just be a completely new thing for my daughter how can I start this and not xompletly overwhelm my daughter?

Answer 1

It's great that you want to start using a better form of discipline.  Implementing a new attitude toward discipline will always throw kids for a loop, but it works well as long as you've chosen an appropriate form of discipline to implement.

Please don't try a combination of timeouts and spankings.  Both of these are pretty ineffective at teaching your child to behave appropriately and have the potential to cause more misbehavior.  If she does something wrong, for example, and you send her to time out, you're essentially asking her to misbehave more because of the time out, which makes life harder for both of you.  There are some great, very effective discipline techniques that you can use, but those aren't it.

Consider just setting your limits that are reasonable for her, giving her choices inside of those limits, and enforcing them logically.  One limit might be no screaming in the stores, which is perfectly reasonable for her.  Try to avoid the situations that cause her to get upset and scream first, then deal with the screaming that you can't get rid of.  Give her choices like she can whisper to you or she can talk to you normally, she can sing a quiet song or she can whisper... The choices are supposed to show her the options she has inside of the limit.  She can't scream and that is non negotiable, but she has other ways that she can use her voice besides just normally talking.  It helps put some of the control back on here where it's acceptable.  It doesn't matter if she sings a song or whispers, so she can decide that.  Then you enforce it.  If she insists on screaming teach her that screaming in the store means leaving the store.  When she screams tell her that she needs to show you she can handle being in the store or she needs to leave.  For a while you probably will just have to ditch your cart in the middle of an aisle and take her out to the car for a chance to calm down.  Getting away from the situation that causes the problem is the true meaning of time outs and works beautifully.  After you've both had a chance to calm down go back and finish your shopping.

Changing discipline to something that is appropriate and works well will only be a bit overwhelming for a couple of days.  Changing to something that logically makes no sense to your daughter and which doesn't really solve any problems will cause lots of fights.

Answer 2

I would just warn her before time and let her know what will happen when she acts up.

Answer 3

If you feel this new discipline system may help then give it a try.  Personally I think the former way was ineffective, that's my opinion.  I wouldn't just ignore bad behavior and expect it to go away on it's own.  She needs to learn that bad behavior is not acceptable.  By ignoring it, you do nothing more but teach her that she can get away with it because you are not going to do anything about it.  When she gets older, she will quickly learn that is not how the world operates.  And rewarding good behavior?  I see that as doing more harm than good in the long run.  People don't reward you in real life for doing the right thing.  If you obey the speed limit, you don't get a cookie for doing so.  If you want to "reward" good behavior, try praise instead.  Say things like "I really like how you are playing nicely with Sally" or "Thank you for behaving in the store today while we were shopping".  Again that's my opinion.

Lastly this new found defiance is most certainly to be connecting to the passing of her father, however you cannot allow this to be an excuse for her to get away with acting out.  Tell her "I know you must be feeling upset because Daddy is gone, but let's talk about it when you feel sad or angry instead of doing _______(fill in the blank with a certain behavior she does)."  

With time outs you want to do one minute per year of age and be consistent.  With spanking, a single firm swat will grab her attention quickly and let her know you mean business.  I also suggest removal of privileges or something she finds enjoyable.  Always tell her why she is receiving the consequence she is given, but do your best not to baby her.  She *is* 6 years old and knows the difference between right and wrong.  Give her fair warning as well.  Tell her that if she continues her bad behavior that there will be a consequence and list what that consequence will be.  I wish you the best and I am sorry for the loss of your husband.

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Please don't listen to some who may come here and criticize you for wanting to try something new.  It's so rude.

Answer 4

some people are ignorant. Kids who are spanked will never learn self discipline because rather than teaching them how to behave the parent just smacks them when they don't. If you start spanking now it's as though you are giving up. Don't give up on your child and resort to this type of harsh and unecessesary punishment.

Rainwriter has the right idea. You need to have set limits and be consistent. It's not always about changing your punishments, but sometimes just changing something else in your parenting style can do the trick. make sure she is getting a lot of quality attention, have good communication, have a good routine, some kidsn do better when they know what to expect and when things will happen because it's regular.

Spanking her will only add to the problem and make her more aggressive. Take a good look at what you do when you aren't punishing and see what could be fixed there first.

I have 4 boys all different personalities and have never needed to spank any of them. If you have a good parenting style then punishment is rarely necessesary. My kids are all well behaved and respectful.

I have worked in the childcare field for over 18 years and have never come accross a kid who couldn't be disciplined properly without spanking.

You've taught your child (I hope) that hitting is wrong, and now you are going to turn around and do just that to her. How will you explain that to her? That it's ok for you to do it because you are bigger than her?