How to stay strong on my decision? ?

Question

I just broke up with my boyfriend. He's a chronic alcoholic. We have 2 beautiful little girls together. We've been together for 5 1/2 years. I've had 2 jobs. He's had at least 2 dozen. I am the primary provider.

I've been patient, I've been understanding, I've been loving. I've also been angry, frustrated, and feeling like his mother. He's 29 years old. Drank heavily for that last 10 years. Can't go 2 days without freaking out to have a beer.

I need some advice on what to do now. Just forget about him for now?

Answer 1

Leave him alone.  Goto alanon meetings for your own benefit, and that of the children.  

IF he wants to quit drinking he will.  If not, you need to do what's best for yourself and your children.

Answer 2

You have done everything in YOUR POWER you  could not have done more and YOU CAN NOT STOP DRINKING FOR HIM, until a alcholic realizes themselves the first drink gets them started and that they can not switch drinks or find a magical short cut answer other then not to take the first drink NO OTHER HUMAN can make them stop.You can make a list of all that you have done FOR him and a list of what you want in life for you and realize you can not change him and you can only make your life .Be strong thers also AA meeting and support for women who lived h**l as you have it helps .

Answer 3

You have been the primary provider for your family, so by leaving your boyfriend you have just lifted a burden from yourself!  There is no reason to  keep a man like that around... Think about it like this what if your daughters  ended up with a man like that?  If you wouldn't  want that for your girls what would make it ok  for you to live that way

Answer 4

I am sorry you are going through this.  You cannot save him, so yes "forget" about him for now.  He needs to get help and until he does that, keep your distance and do not enable him.  Good luck.

Answer 5

After over 5 years and two kids, there is no way you are going to simply forget about him even in the short term.  What you have to think about is "what is best for me and my children".  You can not live you life frustrated and feeling like you are carrying them relationship by yourself.  You need a full partner not a third child.  

Right now I would focus on the kids and yourself.  Take some time to get you head together.  Sounds to me like you made the best decision.  You are going to be OK.  Just remember that sometimes love takes time.  My wife and I did not meet until we were 35 and 39 and neither of us had been married before.  Don't settle for less than the best anymore.

Answer 6

Honey he is the only one who can change himself.  You need to take care of your kids and ensure they grow up healthy and happy.  You do need to leave.

Linda

Answer 7

An answer you don't want to hear is about to follow...Quit trying to fix him...quit waiting...your kids don't have time for his c**p..they are growing and learning now..they tend to find men like their dad...do you want your beautiful daughters with winners like him when they get older

?

you owe it to them to find a man that is a good example...or to atleast not give them and example at all...

your condoning his behavior by staying with him...STOP...

Answer 8

You dont have to "forget" him but you do need to let him go. He is an adult who has to figure out what he wants to do. Until he hits rock bottom, there is nothing you can do to help him, especially by enabling him to go without work, have a family and still drink. My friend, his partner is his bottle, not you, not the children. I am sure he did not wake up one morning and say, Oh gee, I think I will be an alcoholic. It sneaks in and takes over a person. To cont. putting yourself and the children through this, unfortunately, is helping NO ONE. Not you, him or the kids. You need a real strong support system, one who will back you, listen to you, understand you and help you get from A to Z. IF AND WHEN he decides he wants to quit, then ONLY he can make that decision. Go on with your life, pursue your dreams, raise the children in a safe and stable home, and hope some day their dad decides to stop the drinking. It has and can be done, but by his decision to do so. You may or may not be waiting for him at the end of the tunnel. I wish you the best. As i said in the source, I became a widow at age 28 with three small children, because my husband chose to go out drinking. I raised my girls without a father. But, we made it...........and so will you and your children.