How to stop husband from treating me like a child?

Question

I'm remarried about 4 years now and 2 years older than my husband. Yet he treats me like I'm a teenager. I will admit that at first I found it sweet and maybe even comforting. He would joke around about how I loaded the dishwasher the wrong way, or how I liked to eat candy just like a teenage girl, but now it drives me crazy, and makes me angry.

He is critical and tries to soften the blow of his critiques with jokes and subtle looks of disgust when I do something "wrong". He was brought up by the book by 2 very religious parents who literally taught their kids not to put elbows on the table, and to eat with the proper fork. etc

If I make the mistake of making myself some soup on the stove and then eating it out of a cup instead of a bowl, he will look disgusted and make a remark about "Did you grow up in a trailer park?". He also can't stand when I eat cookies out of the bag. He would prefer that I take out the appropriate amount of cookies that I want to eat and put them on a plate and SIT AT THE TABLE to eat them.

One other thing he can't stand is when I take a bite of my food after making it, when I am still standing!!!

I'm at the point now where I find it hard not to blow up at him when he picks apart my actions like this. I'm not a child and hate being treated like one. He does this in many other areas of our household life as well but none so bad as in the kitchen. I actually miss the way my ex husband was so "live and let live". We definately made better "rommates" as we were both more relaxed and had more of a sense of humour about household aspects. I miss him and am not happy with my current husband.

Is there an easy way to explain to him so that he will actually listen and so that he will understand and not do this anymore?

Answer 1

He thinks of himself more like your father than your husband.

You need to tell him to shut the F up, that he's not your dad and to keep his abusive opinions to himself.  Each and every time, tell him to shut up.  You can eat cookies out of a bag, you don't have to sit at a table to eat them, etc.  

He probably WON"T listen or understand because YOU MARRIED HIM LIKE THIS AND YOU LIKED IT AT THE BEGINNING!!!

You're asking a tiger to change his strips, which he probably won't be able to do.

Answer 2

he is a control fanatic (and passive-aggressive).  he thinks he's better than you, has better manners and is, in general, in charge of you.  you are mearly a fixture in his life.  chances are there will be no explaining to him about anything as he'll only see his point of view.

stand your ground but be prepared for a fight.

Answer 3

Holy cow.......

I bet living with that guy is a lot like the characters of Frasier or Niles Crane.

I think he thinks of you as being a Liza Dolittle, where he is going to teach you how to become a proper lady.

How to talk, walk, eat, sit, and use the toilet like a lady.

If you plan on staying with him, then you guys need professional intervention.

He's too anal. Marriage is about compromise and tolerance, and this guy wants everything his way.

Find other interests outside of the home that make you happy.

Hang out with your friends and be yourself.