How to talk about protection found in 15 year old's wallet?

Question

He called and asked if we would bring him some money, he was at the store, so we looked in his room, in wallet, of course no money but a "protection" was there. We have had the talk with him about waiting, him having awsome goals in his life and that doing something at the heat of the moment would mess things up. He also has a cousin(26yr old) that just got pregnant by accident, using protection, and is in a mess. He even told me that that was a stupid thing to do. So do we have another talk about not putting himself in that position to use that or do we say that, but then say its good that he was thinking ahead. I DO NOT want him to have s*x at this age so I am not sure how to handle this I lived in a different time and didnt think about s*x until I was 18. Any suggestions would be great.

Answer 1

First of all, are you so squeamish and uncomfortable with the subject of your son's sexuality that you can't even call a condom by its given name??? If so, no wonder you have issues with his carrying something like that in his wallet ( which incidentally, IS NOT a good place to store a condom, because wallets get exposed to heat, cold, moisture, and the like, and this causes the latex in condoms to break down, which reduces their effectiveness at preventing both conception and STD'S, not to mention making them much more likely to break) and not telling you about it. In your shoes, I would actually be PROUD that my son was mature enough and responsible enough to want to PREVENT an unwanted pregnancy, as well as protect himself against disease. Most kids his age are not that responsible- in fact, for the great majority of boys, protection is the LAST THING ON THEIR MINDS. Usually, they are so wrapped up in their racing hormones that the thought of protecting themselves and their partners never even enters their head. Your son sounds like a rare exception to this- and you are lucky that he knows enough to be that way.

If you try to lecture your son because you found the condom, you will only make him more likely to rebel against you and do exactly what you don't want him to do. A better approach would be to let him know that yes, you saw the condom, and are proud of him for being adult enough to take responsibility like that- and also tell him that if he should ever need money to buy more condoms in the future, that he can ask you for it WITHOUT fear of you getting all bent out of shape about it. Your son is at the age where he is going to have s*x at some point- every young teenage boy does, because of the hormonal drives they have. Your son has already demonstrated that he's mature about it, and has a mature attitude- something you apparently don't want to recognize. I would at least admit to him that you are proud of him, and supportive of his efforts to protect himself, and THEN YOU NEED TO BACK OFF and leave the situation ALONE !!! If your son needs your help, he will come to you and ask for it- especially if he knows he can trust you not to get hysterical because he's having intimate relations with someone. But if you try to play the mother lion and get all upset because he's experimenting with s*x- something which is very normal at his age- then you are headed for nothing but trouble. That kind of attitude on your part is going to drive your son away from you, because he will naturally see this as your meddling in something which he quite rightly feels is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. It will also mean that he will most likely become reluctant to share much of anything with you- which in turn means that your ability to communicate much of anything will drop to ZERO level. Is that what you want??

In short, what I am saying is simple: your son is growing up and becoming a man, and you, as his mom, have to let him do this. Sure, I know it's hard- but treating him like a little boy and watching his every move is not going to do either of you any good. He has to learn these lessons sometime- you can't protect him forever.

Good luck.

Answer 2

I wouldn't be too worried.

It seems like he has his head on pretty straight and maybe he really is just scared about what could happen, even if it probably won't.  Who knows if he even bought the condom.  I know it sounds dumb but he could have gotten it from one of his friends or something.

I would ask him about it casually instead of making him feel really embarrassed.  It's difficult for me to say much else.  I would mention the fact that he should definitely wait for the right girl.  1 in 4 girls in the U.S. have an STD right now.. and that's pretty scary.  s*x just isn't fun and games anymore.. it's serious stuff.

Maybe his cousin getting pregnant wasn't a big enough lesson for him.  26 years old isn't 16.. so it probably wasn't as shocking.

I also hate to be brutally honest but whether you want him to or not.. statistics say that he'll probably have s*x before he receives his high school diploma.  Now that doesn't go for every guy or girl.. but it's definitely something to keep in mind.  

My mom brought me up well and enstilled really good morals in me and I decided to wait.  She's always been a strict woman but it really paid off.  I could have ended up having s*x with some random guy I didn't want to. . but I found a great guy who really cares about me and everything is great.  I'm happy now with my decision and my mom had a lot to do with that.  Keep talking to him and things should turn out fine.

Answer 3

you just got to tell him the facts.

be proud that at least he is smart enough to use protection.

you just need to tell him the risk of failure. that is he did get a girl pageant that she can sue for child support.

talk to him again

you can't decide things for him its his body. just make sure you tell him your glad he is using protection but tell him that birth control and pregnant will help lower the risk of unwanted children.

but telling him to not do something will make them want to do it more.

so again give the facts, risks, and trust thy will make the right decision

Answer 4

Yuo can definetely try and talk to him again.  You're the parent and you know you want the best for your child.  So go ahead and talk to him again.  He'll listen, don't worry.

Answer 5

Did you check the expiration date?  I think it's more of a status symbol for guys that age to carry them.  They want their buddies and other guys to see it.  It sounds like he has the right idea about waiting for s*x but even if something happens at least he has that with him.

I think you should just leave it be and try to trust him to do the right thing.

Answer 6

theres nothing to talk about, he is practecing safe s*x

just because you have s*x doesnt mean you dont have goals

contraception is actually very effective IF YOU USE IT PROPERLY

Answer 7

He is gonna do what he wants. At least he is smart. You can't hold his hand all the time.

Answer 8

I wouldn't jump to conclusions. He might just have it in his wallet cause he's a teenage boy and teenage boys carry condoms in their wallets.

It was probably given to him and so he decided to keep it. I would suggest not talking to him about it. I think you did great by bringing it up before, though.

If he is having s*x, anything you say to him isn't going to change that, but chances are -- he's not having s*x.

Answer 9

sorry, mom, but you not wanting him to have s*x at this age, won't stop him. at least he's prepared. and it's called CONDOM

Answer 10

My lil brother always takes mine and he doesnt use them I know he would tell me if he did. When you are that age you mainly just carry them but wontb use them I was the same when I was 13 I used to take my older brother's condons and never used them.

Answer 11

He will do what he wants.  At least he's thinking somewhat ahead.

Part of this, though, is that having a condom in your wallet is a status thing for guys that age.  It shows you're a "man of the world", that you're prepared, at least in his eyes.  What he doesn't realize is that after a week or two, it's probably chafed and rubbed enough to have leaks in it.  Ask his cousin if the father of her child used a condom that he had carried for any length of time.  BTW - heat will cause them to break down, too, so leaving them in the console of a car isn't a good idea either.  

So I think you should talk to him again, and point out that this condom is probably useless as far as protection goes.  If he has the opportunity and desire, at least make sure that he has good information, too.  And then hope you've done a good job as a parent.

Answer 12

Have faith in what you told him and be proud that he has thought ahead and that he would even think ahead. As far as him having s*x you can't control that and no parent wants there child having s*x especially at that age but it happens and it is better that he be prepared incase it happens then end up like my little brother who has just turned seventeen and is going to be a father in less then two months.

Answer 13

Remind him about his cousin without pointing the topic to him. It sounds like he knows that what she did was stupid, but you're right, it's good he has protection, for if it ever happend. Who knows, maybe a guy friend had a whole bunch and he grabbed one. Doesnt mean he is, and at least he has one.

I had s*x at 15 with an 18 year old, and wish I hadn't. If you do talk to him about it, just remind him of the goals he has in life and not to let them slip away from having s*x....GL!

Answer 14

Well I certainly see your cause for concern. I think that if he has had the s*x talk that he understands the consequences. You may want to give him a refresher course but ultimately if he wants to have s*x hes gonna do it. The fact that he has protection is a good sign that he would be smart enough to use it if he did decide to have s*x. If you do talk to him remind him about the 26 yr old cousin that is in a mess because the protection did not work and abstinence is the best until your married.

Answer 15

You can talk to him about using protection again if you want.  I don't think you should mention finding the condom.  You should never have looked in his wallet.  No more than he should look in your purse unless you tell him to.  You could have picked up the wallet and brought it to him with out looking inside.  You breached his trust so how do you think he can trust you to talk openly about things.

Answer 16

Be pleased he has a condom with him. It doesn't mean he is going to use it.

Answer 17

tough shite. hes gonna do what he wants to do. get your nose out of hid business!!

Answer 18

Condoms are very widely distributed and you really don't know his intentions.  

Since he asked you to check his wallet, he isn't trying to hide anything.   I'd mention what you saw and ask if he wants to talk about it.

Answer 19

he's going to do what he wants to do whether you approve or not, at least he's being safe.

Answer 20

he's a guy either way he will probably just do as he wishes atleast he is being safe but it wouldn't hurt to give him the talk again

Answer 21

You can tell him about the condom, and ask him why her having s*x without being ready to parent was a stupid thing to do, but ok for him to do.

I also understand that sometimes boys(Heaven only knows why) carry condoms and aren't having s*x, but carry them for macho reasons.