How to tell family about joining the military?

Question

I've wanted to join the Air Force since I was 16, I am now 19. Last year my family pretty much sat me down and told me they didn't want me going in, I was too smart... etc. I was willing to honor their wishes, and I applied to a university for the following fall. They think now that I'll be going to college at the end of the month. My first bill is due on Friday, and I know that this is not what I want to do with my life. I know that I will not do well if it isn't what I want to be doing, and I don't want to spend upwards of 15k if my heart isn't in it.

I know my family wouldn't like me to join because of the war, but that isn't holding me back. I'd feel like a coward if I didn't stand up to protect my country. My sister is in the Air Force and she will soon be going on her second tour of Afghanistan. She completely supports me in my decision.

Basically, I need advice on how to break it to my father. I can't go to school in the fall, and I want to follow MY dreams for once. I'd just really like to have their support.

Answer 1

Do like I did. I enlisted and left the papers on the kitchen table. Not a great deal they could do after the deed was done...........

Answer 2

YOU are 19, YOU can join without anyone's permission.

follow your heart!

Answer 3

Ur doing it alot better than I did..ha ha. Hunny, this is your life. They aren't going to support you your whole life..so why let them dictate it to you? If you want to serve your country, and make a life for yourself, then do it! If they want to kick you out of the house...I'm pretty sure the recruiter can get you started, and into basic training within 2 weeks... (at least thats how long it took me)

Your life will change. Im in the Army, and i know I have made a complete 360. I came from nothing, now I am something. I'm pretty smart to,(well...minus the spelling errors!!) My job is highly techincal. My parents told me the same thing....but you know what, it was time to take my life by force, and make it MY OWN.

war or no war, there will always be danger...but being in the air force, your chances of seeing a real war, are pretty slim.  

Answer 4

When dealing with family situations like this, often the best way is to just be up front about it and not try to beat around the bushes.  Just sit down with them in the living room sometime, maybe even have your sister with you, and let them know of your decision.  You are 19 now and can legally make this decision on your own.  Explain to them why you are choosing this path and that you can understand their concerns, but that this is where your passion lies.

EDIT: The same advice still applies.  If you do not wish to go, and you know that you will not go, then do not pay it.  Just wait for them to get back home, give them a day to rest up, then break the news to them.  However, if they ask if you paid the bill, do not lie to them.  Break it to them then.  Otherwise, pick your time and place.

Answer 5

Well you'll be able to get your education while in the Air Force, and you'll have the money to do it with. Basically you'll have to sit down and tell them this is what you feel is best for you. Nobody is too smart for the service(and as a vet I'm offended at that, as you sister probably is too), there are people with Ph D's and master's degrees. So do it because you want to do it, I did and have no regrets even as I was in the sandbox a year out of high school. So basically what I'm saying is once you tell them, they'll have no choice but to support you. They're your parents and they'll support you no matter what.

Answer 6

Your convictions are valid and I applaud you for wanting to serve.

I'm retired Army and also a father of two boys so I'm as conflicted as I've ever been for sure. They already tell me they want to serve and their reasons are as valid as mine was 20 years ago.  The only difference obviously is the current mission in IRAQ/AF which hasn't deterred those genuinely interested in enlisting i.e. you!

I thought to myself, if my kid tells me he is joining and I'm going to have to understand or stand back, I guess I'll have to stand back, then understand.  Our instincts are about your safety and from that perspective, listening to any other nonsense about being patriotic becomes just "noise".  

How do you make noise not so noisy?

Well, for starters you need to have all the information about what you're getting into in your right hand.  No, "I don't knows" or "I'll ask the recruiter" to any questions they have.  Better yet, to show how serious you really are, have the recruiter there with you to talk with them.  With all the information you have, you have to form a plan that makes sense to your parents.  A plan is what they want in order to know you have thought the process out, thoroughly.  

After you've made your case, it's time to stand behind it with an approach that makes them inclusive with your plan.  Ask them questions that they can only answer "yes" in a positive way to your questions.  Put them in the drivers seat but understand you're driving remotely.

You have to explain to them that you understand the underlying issues that come with serving but that is, without a freaking doubt, what you want to do.  

If you still can't persuade them, you'll have to stand firm.  Tell them you love them, understand their concerns and ask them to support your decision or not.  But you're still going to do this for your country.  That's the key, standing behind your conviction to serve.  If you can't do this, you'll be unsuccessful in convincing them you want this.

Use whatever literature, video's and anything you can get your hands on to give something visually for them to form opinions on.  Recruiters are best for this but you can do it too!

Good Luck my man.

Answer 7

Bit of a touchy question here but I will take a stab at it and perhaps even regale you with a war story.  No family especially parents want to hear from a child of theirs that they want to enter Military Service.  Lets take that as a natural.  ALL parents believe as a matter of faith that the offspring can do better for themselves.  This happens in all families.  But you are no longer a child here and dependent on your parents for your future.  You are at some time going to have to strike out on your own.  Ask yourself, what is it that I really want to do?  Okay, war story illustration here.  In Jan 1967 I was driving my Dad home from work in an old Ford Falcon and I made the mistake of telling that I wanted to enlist in the Army and had even talked with a recruiter that morning.  His response to my announcement was really rather explosive and almost caused me to wrap that grand old car around a tree on a very narrow road in Dutchess County NY.  He hit me with many of the same arguements that your own family is using with you.  I was far too good to 'waste' my life as a mere soldier.  I had such a bright future, ad infinatum.  Well finally I convinced him and I'm here now giving you advice that you didn't pay for but did solicit.  BOTTOM LINE:  You have to do what YOU feel is right for you and the future you have selected for yourself.  Also YOU have to come up with the arguements and reasoned reasons for your parents to accept you decision.  In the end its you parents you will have to convince, not your siblings.  My father saw me as an engineer, a man with a potential life better than the one he could afford to me.  But from the time I was fourteen I KNEW that that wan't what I wanted to do.  I convinced him in the long run but, truth to tell it wasn't easy.  It was several years before he began boasting about his son in the Army.  I personally believe I did will and made at least a minor contribution to the Army of my generation but it was not an easy task and it all began with being able to convince my family that their 'YOUNG' child knew what he wanted and was talking about.  Impassioned anger will not prevail, cold reasoning might.  But and please remember this.  THE ULTIMATE DECISION ABOUT WHAT YOU WILL DO WITH YOUR LIFE LIES WITH YOU.  You have to make the decision and go on and do it.  But the more education you bring in at the front the better you will do in the long run.  I'll let it go now.  I've probably gone on too long as it is.  Make your own decision and fight for it.  Good luck to you.  Should you have any questions of me you can contact me either through Answers or at [e-mail]...Again good luck to you and thank you for your thoughts of service.

Answer 8

I went through something similar before I joined the AF 6 years ago.  You need to sit your father down and look him in the eye, tell him you are an adult now and you need to start living your life.  You can still go to collage while your in the AF.

Answer 9

Just sit down and tell them.  Dealing with difficult issues is a part of being an adult.  You don't have to argue with them and don't get drawn into a fight of any kind. Explain it exactly the way you did here.

You're in store for huge changes to your life once you enlist.  Best of luck.

As an after thought.... Have you thought about Air Force ROTC?  You could come in as an Officer.  You might even fly jets.  Wouldn't that rock your family's world.

Answer 10

I think your asking how to get your parents to except your decision. The only way that they will eventually accept this decision is if you join. Its your life live it where your heart is. You can try and comfort them with the facts, what job do you want to do, where are the schools, whats your plan education wise, what do you wish to accomplish, etc.... Tell them that its what you want to do. Your going to get a negative reaction and a speech. Just be sound on your decision. Eventually they will come to terms eventually they have no choice but to. From what it sounds like your parents love you and therefore wont cast you away from one disagreement. Good Luck

Answer 11

You need to follow your dream. Your parents may not agree with your choices, but they have to respect your decision.  Your parents just want to protect you as long as they can, but they must realize it's time to let you grow up.  Good Luck!

Answer 12

I know it's scary but you have to break free from your parent's. Sit them down and say "I know you want me to go to Uni but I've decided to join the Air Force" They may be upset but they will deal with it. Remember there all way's proud of you whatever you do but like you said you need to follow your dream's, not what they dream you do.